During on of her examinations, the doctor had confided in her that this was by far, the most challenging assignment she’d ever had. If it wasn’t for the obscene amount of money he was paying her there was no way she would tolerate this. She didn’t say it, but Leah could tell that she thought this entire situation was beyond strange. She could have given her an ultrasound a few weeks ago, but had misled him because she wanted to be sure there would be at least a flicker of the baby’s heart beat on the monitor. Despite the state of the art machine he’d purchased, a little blob is still a little blob to the untrained eye. She didn’t want to go through the process of explaining to him and deal with his wrath for the next two weeks or so until there would actually be concrete evidence of the life he’d planted inside Leah’s womb.
On the morning of the ultrasound, Leah awoke from a restless sleep. She knew there was nothing to worry about. This was only a formality, but Adam seemed to need it. He hadn’t been sleeping well for the last couple of days, and seemed withdrawn. Yesterday he didn’t even go on their morning walk. Instead he spent all day in his office, the only room in the house that she wasn’t allowed to go into. She had been here for over a month and in many ways it was like she was living with a stranger because he still wouldn’t answer her questions. Any time it seemed like she was getting him to talk, he seized up and changed the subject.
She felt bad waking him up because he was finally sleeping so soundly, but she wanted this ultrasound done already so he could be sure. She was hoping it would change things between them, that once he knew for sure he would relax. She gently touched his shoulder and he looked up at her with a sleepy smile that struck her. It was like she was seeing his face for the first time and there was a sadness to it that she realized had been there all along, but was always mingled with something else, something hard. His guard was down and he was too tired to realize that he hadn’t put his mask on. Reaching out to pull her into his body, he buried his face in her shoulder as she breathed in scent of his hair while she cradled him in her arms.
“It’s time to go see the baby, Adam.” She regretted the words even though they’d needed to be spoken. He stiffened in her arms and when he looked up, his eyes were still sleepy but he was wearing the mask again.
Saying nothing, he kissed her and quickly got out of bed to get dressed, throwing her a yellow sundress. When she was allowed to wear clothes, he always picked them out. They hurried to the doctor’s cabana and he threw open the door so roughly that a glass fell off of a shelf, crudely announcing their arrival.
Leah lie on the table with her legs spread as the doctor inserted the probe. Adam tapped his foot in anticipation while undecipherable images crept across the monitor. He leant forward, a look of confusion on his face while the doctor let out a sigh.
“It takes a few seconds to find the fet- the baby.” The doctor squinted her eyes and adjusted the probe. “At this point it is approximately the size of a blueberry.” At last she smiled and placed her finger on the screen. “Here. There it is.” Adam leaned even closer and grabbed Leah’s hand. “Do you see that little flicker?” He nodded. “That’s the heart beat.” His lips relaxed and began to turn upward as he started stroking Leah’s palm with his thumb. “Let me see if I can get a better angle. We might be able to hear it.”
She adjusted the probe as Leah leaned in to get a better look. She had been so concerned with Adam’s reaction that she hadn’t given herself any space to take in this moment. She was seeing her baby for the first time and she was glad that the doctor had waited. It was just a little blob on the screen, but all of the sudden the reality that she was going to be a mother settled upon her.
“There.” A strange pulsing sound started coming out of the machine and the doctor turned it up. Adam looked at Leah with a big smile on his face and she returned it. After listening for a few minutes, they ended the exam and he carried her into the house to make her breakfast. It wasn’t nearly as good as what the cook usually made, but it was such a sweet gesture she didn’t really care. She had forgotten to take her dress off when she came in the house, but he barely seemed to notice and didn’t bring it up.
After they were done eating, he came over to Leah and kissed her gently, running his fingers through her hair as his lips traveled down her neck. All of the sudden, tears began to well up in her eyes and she pulled away from him, running into the living room. He followed her, a look of bewilderment on his face that surprised her when she saw it because she was expecting rage.
“I’m really tired,” she lied. The tears were now overflowing her eyes as she made her way up the stairs, choked sobs echoing through the house.
“Leah?” She didn’t answer him so he followed her as she ran into the bedroom and flung herself on the bed. “Leah, what’s wrong?”
She couldn’t answer him, couldn’t look at him, so she rolled herself into a tiny ball and cried into her pillow uncontrollably. She wondered what she was doing here, how she could be having a baby with a man she barely knew. A controlling man who had given her everything she wanted, but what about the baby? What kind of father does someone like that make? What kind of person does something like this? Questions swirled in her head that just made her cry harder as she pondered of the peculiar arrangement she was bringing a child into and what it would do. His domineering behavior and demanding sexual appetite turned Leah on immensely, that kind of thing always had. But this wasn’t about her anymore, her lust, her happiness. There was another life inside her that she had to think about. She couldn’t believe what she’d done.
Adam climbed into bed beside her and tentatively wrapped his arm around her waist. She couldn’t help but flip over to nuzzle into his chest as he stroked her hair. He didn’t say anything for a while, just held her there until she finally stopped crying.
“Are you alright?” He cupped her chin and brought her face up to hers, wiping the tears off of her face.
“I’m not sure,” she answered as she reluctantly looked into his dark eyes. His brow was furrowed and his face was filled with concern and uncertainty. When he behaved so tenderly it was easy to forget how strange this relationship was.
“The doctor said everything is fine.” He pressed his lips against her forehead as she started to whimper again and a tear ran down her cheek. “Shhh,” he calmed her, rocking her back and forth. “I don’t understand why you are so upset. This is a happy day.”
“This isn’t right” She collapsed against his chest, sobbing.
“What?”
“This!” Leah pushed herself back from him. “Us!” He looked at her stunned from across the bed.
“I don’t understand.” She was expecting him to get angry, but instead he just looked lost, even hurt. His sad eyes made her start crying again and he reached out to soothe her, but she refused him.
“What kind of way is this to raise a child?” Leah clutched her stomach. “You ordering me around like you do. How do you think a child will understand that?”
He didn’t answer, a grave look crossing his face. Adam sat up on the edge of the bed, his back towards her. “The child will be fine.” She started crying again and his back stiffened, but he didn’t turn around.
“How would you feel if you watched your father order your mother around like a slave?” The last word struck her and she started crying harder. He turned and looked at her with angry eyes, but as soon as he saw her quivering face, they softened. “Are you going to be like this with the children too?”