So y’ saved child?
Yes, sir.
Tha’s good!.. Well, Bailey, y’ made good case f’ y’self. I don’t min’ say’n, ’m ’pressed.
But this witness isn’t quite finished with his testimony, Yexcellency.
Wha’s ’at? He saved child, didn’ he? ’A’s all wan’ know. Facksh, facksh, tha’s what I go on!
But Yexcellency—
A’ right, ą’ right. G’ on, Bailey, what ’en?
So then, when I got back to the milk-wagon and unwrapped the other breeching and unslipped the traces, the old mare couldn’t get up nohow. She was stiff from cold, and I had to get them cops again and shoot her. So the dairy company was pretty sore. The old mare, she weren’t worth more’n twenty-five dollars, but them company men let on I was hired to take care of the company property and not pull no babies outen the sewer.
What ’en?
So we had it pretty hot for a while, and then later on that day I went down to the hospital for to look at the baby and get them nurses there to name him Greenfield Farms, what was the name of the dairy company, so when they put it in the Coal City News about the baby being found, the company would get a free ad outen it, anyway twenty-five dollars’ worth, what was the worth of the mare, and they did and we was square.
What ’en?
Well, I reckon that’s all. ’Cepting I picked up the paper about six months ago, and I seen where a fellow name of Greenfield Farms had spoke a piece at a entertainment what they had in the penitentiary, and I got to wondering if it was the same one, and I asked one or two people about it, and they sent me to this gentleman here, and come to find out it was.
So Yexcellency can see that this young man here, this young man Greenfield Farms, is one and the same with the child this witness pulled out of the sewer twenty-three years ago.
’N ’a’s all?
Yes, sir.
Well Bailey, don’ min’ say’n y’ touch m’ heart. The ol’ Coal City Vol’teer Fi’ D’pa’ment, wha’ y’ know ’bout ’at?
Now Yexcellency, you’ve heard the story of this witness, I may say the truly remarkable story of this witness, which I think Yexcellency will agree had the stamp of truth all over it—
The ol’ Coal City Vol’teer Fi’ D’pa’ment...!
A story, praps I should add, that we are prepared to substantiate in every particular from the hospital records, which we will leave with Yexcellency, and I may call Yexcellency’s attention to this certificate in particular, which states that the child was at least a month old when it was admitted, and—
Now wha’s all ’is got t’ do ’th pa’don f’ Bailey?
Farms, Yexcellency.
Farmsh, ’en?
I’m coming to that, Yexcellency. Now the salient point about this evidence, Yexcellency, is that it establishes beyond any reasonable doubt in my mind that there is nowhere in existing records any proof of Farms’s citizenship. He was, I remind Yexcellency, a month old when admitted to the Coal City Hospital. And what does that prove? It proves, Yexcellency, that he might have been born almost anywhere on the whole face of the earth. He might have been born anywhere from Greenland’s icy mountains to India’s coral strand. He is, so far as documentary proof to the contrary goes, Yexcellency, that most unfortunate being, I may say that pitiable being, who can claim no land as his own, being nothing more or less, Yexcellency, as the fellow says, a man without a country!
Well, well, well. I ashk y’ f facksh, ’n now y’ begin shpout’n poetry at me. Man ’thout country, hunh? Tha’s in’st’n.
Now I remind Yexcellency once more that the crime of which Farms stands convicted is treason. And treason is unique among crimes, Yexcellency, in that before any man can be convicted of it, his citizenship must be established, beyond all shadow of doubt, because TREASON, Yexcellency, as all the AUTHORITIES agree—
Shtop yell’n!
Yes, Yexcellency — implies a ALLEGIANCE — a allegiance to the State against which it is alleged to have been committed. And under the law.
Law? Law? Y’ talk’n t’ me ’bout law?
Yes, Yexcellency, and—
Washa com’n t’ me ’bout law for? Why ’nsha go t’ court ’bout law?
We’ve been to court, Yexcellency. We applied to the Supreme Court two months ago for a new trial, on the basis of the evidence which Yexcellency has just listened to, and which, praps I should have explained sooner, was not presented at the original trial because Farms had no idea at that time of the importance of his citizenship and neglected to inform me of the peculiar circumstances attending his birth. And the court denied the application, on the ground that while this evidence, if it had been presented at the trial, might have resulted in the granting of a motion to dismiss, it could not properly be regarded as new evidence, as it is essentially evidence of lack of evidence on the part of the State, rather than direct evidence of innocence.
In other words, Yexcellency is being asked to certify that if the dog hadn’t stopped to scratch fleas he would have caught the rabbit.
Not in the least, Yexcellency—
Y’ know what? Y’ both pair pett-fogg’n lawyersh. Y’ ’sgrace t’ bar. Farmsh! C’me here. I’ll do this m’self. Sit there, where c’n see y’.
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir, Governor.
A’ right, Farmsh, shpeak right up now. Y’ needn’t shtan’ ’n awe ’f me. ’M plain, blunt man ’n got heart’s big’s all outdoorsh. Washa got say f’ y’self?
Governor, all I got to say is I went out there when them miners was gathering by the creek forks just to see what was going on—
Thash shtuff! Facksh! Motivesh! Tha’s wha’ want. G’ on, Farmsh. What ’en?
And then when they marched down the road, I went along with them just for fun, and then two months afterwards, when they come and arrested me, I didn’t have no more idea what they meant than the man in the moon, and—
Now we com’n. G’ on.
And then they sent me up. And... and...
Farmsh, now I ask y’ some’n. If I was t’ set y’ free, what would y’ do ’th y’ lib’ty?