Julianna nodded, grateful not to have to spill her guts in front of the nurse. There was something grandmotherly about the woman, and Julianna didn't know if she could have been completely honest in front of her.
Ten minutes later, Julianna was dressed and sitting across from Dr. Samuel.
"It says here that you're new in town?"
"That's right."
"We need to have your records sent to us. You don't list an obstetrician on the questionnaire."
"I don't have one." She looked at her hands, working to find the courage to say what she had to. "I went to my regular doctor for the pregnancy test and…and-"
"You haven't seen anyone since." She nodded. "So, I take it you're not taking prenatal vitamins?"
"No. I-"
"Not to worry, we'll get you on those right away." He took out a prescription pad and began to write.
"I want an abortion."
The doctor lifted his head. "Pardon me?"
"I don't want this baby. It was a mistake. The whole thing was a mistake."
For a moment he was silent, then he cleared his throat. "What about the father?"
"He's…no longer a part of my life. And he…he made it plain from the beginning that he didn't want this baby."
Dr. Samuel folded his hands on the desk in front of him. "Then you have a problem, young lady. First off, I don't perform abortions. Personally, I became an obstetrician to bring lives into the world, not to end them."
"But couldn't you refer me to someone who-"
He cut her off. "Secondly, you're no longer able to make that decision. An abortion isn't an option for you."
Her heart dropped. "I don't understand."
"You're too far along." She gazed blankly at him, and he shook his head. "In your pregnancy. The law allows abortions up until the twenty-fourth week after the date of the last menstrual cycle. You're past that. By a week and three days."
A week and three days. Hardly anything. Julianna shook her head, barely comprehending what he was telling her. It couldn't be. Her eyes filled with tears. "But you don't understand…I don't…I don't have…anybody. I can't take care of a baby, I don't know how." Her voice rose. "This was a mistake, you see. The whole thing was a mistake!"
"I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do."
He started to stand; she caught his hand and clutched frantically at it. "Couldn't someone…someone who does do abortions, just…fudge a little on the dates? I mean, don't they just suck it out with a little vacuum, or something?"
Color crept up the physician's cheeks, and he extricated his hand from hers, his dislike obvious. "You'd be asking a doctor to lie, Ms. Starr. To break the law. To put his or her medical license on the line. Not only that-" He made a sound of annoyance and checked his watch. "Let me show you something."
He crossed to his bookcase, selected a hardcover text and brought it back to her. He flipped it open, thumbed through, then set it open on the desk in front of her. It was a photograph of a baby in a womb.
"See that? That's two months' development." Julianna gazed at the photograph. It looked like every picture of an unborn fetus she had ever seen-like a little alien creature, with an oversize head and a network of spidery red veins showing through its translucent skin. Although humanlike, it was creepy looking. Foreign.
He flipped forward several pages, then stopped. "Here's your baby."
Julianna stared at the image, her heart in her throat. It was a baby. Not a nonrecognizable thing. Not an alien. It had hands complete with fingers, feet complete with toes. A face. It was sucking its thumb. She brought a hand to her abdomen even as she lifted her eyes to the doctor's. "Are you…sure? I mean, that I'm…that it's-"
"Positive." He cleared his throat. "Babies at this stage recognize their mother's voices from inside the womb, they respond to light and sound. You're far enough along that if you had this baby today, there's a slight chance it could survive outside your womb."
"I…didn't know." She lowered her gaze to the image once more. "I just…I thought…" Tears welled in her eyes, then spilled down her cheeks. "What am I going to do, Dr. Samuel? What am I going to do?"
He handed her a box of tissue, his expression softening. "Julianna, you say you can't care for this child, that you don't want to. Are you certain of that? When you see and hold your baby-"
"No," she said. "No, I don't want it. And I won't change my mind, I know I won't."
"Have you considered giving this baby up for adoption?"
"Adoption?" she repeated, knowing she sounded like an idiot. Feeling like one "No. I mean, I haven't…thought about much of anything but…"
But John. And about surviving.
The physician sat across from her once more. "There are thousands of infertile couples in this country, couples who are desperate to adopt healthy infants. These are nice, solid people. Committed couples. They would give this baby a good home, a loving family."
He leaned toward her, his expression serious, earnest. "You're already into your third trimester, Julianna. You don't even have that far to go. You've admitted you don't have the means or desire to care for a child. Abortion at this stage is out of the question. Adoption is the ideal solution."
Julianna thought for a moment about what he was saying to her. "But how…I mean, where would I find them? These couples?"
"There are several reputable agencies in the area as well as quite a number of lawyers who specialize in adoption. I work with one of the agencies, the finest, in my opinion. Citywide Charities."
She hesitated a moment, then shook her head. "I don't know."
"It's a loving solution, Julianna. Your baby gets a wonderful life, parents who will adore and dote on him or her." He smiled. "I should know, I'm an adoptive parent."
He swung around and took a framed photo from his desk and handed it to her. "My wife and I adopted all three of our children through Citywide."
He named them, a girl and twin boys.
Julianna gazed at them, heart beginning to thunder. They were such cute kids; they looked so happy. So healthy.
"They're the light of our lives."
Her eyes filled with tears again. "I don't know what to do. I just thought…I thought that you…that after today…" Her voice trailed off miserably.
"Think about it. Take a little time." He stood, went around the desk and took a business card from his center drawer. "Here's a card with Citywide's number. Ask for Ellen. She can answer any questions you might have."
Julianna took the card and stood. "I will. Thank you, Dr. Samuel."
"I want to see you back here in three weeks." He must have seen by her expression that she had no intention of coming back, and he shook his head. "You need medical care, Julianna, insurance or not. You're not only putting the baby at risk, but yourself, too."
She caught her bottom lip between her teeth. "I know. It's just that it costs so much."
"If you do choose adoption, Citywide can help you with both your medical and living costs."
"You mean, they'll pay for my doctor visits and stuff?"
He smiled and stood. "And stuff. They base the amount of support on individual need, so I can't quote you exactly what they'll do for you. But I promise you this, you won't have to worry about any medical expenses. And, if you choose, you can continue to see me."
He walked her to the door. "Promise me you'll at least think about it."