‘It was winter and I didn’t have the right food. What I was eating was too heavy. When you fast it’s much better if you have light, nourishing food. So, physically it was quite tough. I got digestive problems and became very weak,’ she said, while refusing to amplify any further.
Mentally, however, it worked. ‘The mind does become purified. The prayers are very beautiful and the mind grows extremely clear and light, very devoted and open,’ she confirmed.
After she had done six months of purification practice, Tenzin Palmo had a dream. Arguably it revealed more than anything she said, the level of spiritual development she had reached.
‘I was in a prison, a vast prison composed of many different levels,’ she began. ‘On the top floor people were living in luxury, in penthouse type splendour, while in the basement others were undergoing terrible torture. In the intermediate floors the rest of the inhabitants were engaged in various activities in diverse conditions. Suddenly I realized that no matter what level people were on, we were all nevertheless trapped in a prison. With that I found a boat and decided to escape taking as many people as I could with me. I went all over the prison telling people of their predicament and urging them to break free. But no matter how hard I tried, they all seemed to be locked in an awful inertia and in the end only two people had the will and the courage to come with me.
‘We got into the boat, and even though there were prison guards around, nobody stopped us as we sailed out of the prison to the world outside. Once we were there we started to run alongside the prison. As I looked over at it I could still see all the people in the windows busily engaged in their different activities, not the least concerned about the truth of their situation. We ran for miles and miles on a path parallel to the prison which seemed never-ending. I became increasingly exhausted and dispirited. I felt I was never going to get beyond the prison and that we might as well return and go back in. I was about to give up when I realized that the two other people who had followed me out had their hopes pinned on me and that if I gave up they would be doomed as well. I couldn’t let them down, so I kept going.
‘Immediately we came to a T-junction beyond which was a completely different landscape. It was like suburbia. There were these neat houses with flowery borders and trees. We came to the first house and knocked at the door. A nice middle-aged woman opened it, looked at us and said, “Oh, you’ve come from that place. Not many people get out. You’ll be OK now, but you must change your clothes. To go back would be dangerous, but you must try to help others also to get out.” At that point I had a great surge of aspiration. “I have tried but no one wants to come,” I told the woman. She replied, “Those in power will be helping you.” At that I said, “I dedicate myself to working with them so that I can help free all beings.”
‘I woke up at that point – and giggled at the image of the middle-aged lady in suburbia,’ she said.
The dream was clear. In her subconscious Tenzin Palmo had pledged herself to lead the great escape out of the prison of Samsara, the realms of suffering existence we’re condemned to until we reach the eternal freedom of Enlightenment. She had also internalized, it seemed, the Bodhisattva ideal of unconditioned altruism.
When she was not doing her preliminary practices she worked on her Single Pointed Concentration – the meditative discipline which trains the mind to focus single-pointedly on one subject without interruption. Yogis were said to be able to stay in this state for days, weeks, months even, without moving, their mind totally absorbed on the wonders of their inner reality. Single Pointed Concentration, or Samadhi, was essential for penetrating the nature of reality and discovering absolute truth. It was also exceedingly difficult, the mind habitually wanting to dance all over the place flitting from one random thought to another, from fantasy to fantasy, perpetually chattering away to itself, expending vast quantities of energy in an endless stream of trivia. The mind was like a wild horse, they said, that needed to be reined in and trained. When the mind’s energy was harnessed and channelled like a laser beam on a single subject, its power was said to be tremendous. Ultimately this was the high-voltage power-tool needed to dig down into the farthest reaches of the mind, unlocking the greatest treasures buried there.
‘For any practice to work,’ said Tenzin Palmo, ‘the mind which is meditating and the object of meditation must merge. Often they are facing each other. One has to become completely absorbed, then the transformation will occur. The awareness naturally drops from the head to the heart – and when that happens the heart opens and there is no “I”. And that is the relief. When one can learn to live from that centre rather than up in the head, whatever one does is spontaneous and appropriate. It also immediately releases a great flow of energy because it is not at all obstructed as it usually is by our own intervention. One becomes more joyful and light, in both senses of the word.’
A young Tenzin Palmo (centre), then known as Diane Perry, in her home town, London. ‘Three times a bridesmaid, never a bride - I better do it and make sure,’ she had said.
Gerald York (editor of a Buddhist magazine), a youthful Chogyam Trungpa (Tenzin Palmo’s first meditation teacher), and author John Blofeld (Tenzin Palmo’s future sponsor), at the Buddhist Society Summer School, Hertfordshire, 1962.
Aged twenty-one in 1964, just after her novice ordination. Tenzin Palmo wrote to her mother on the back: ‘You see? I look healthy! I should have been laughing then you would know that I am also happy!’
‘Kailash’, the former British hill station house in Dalhousie which Freda Bedi turned into her Young Lama’s Home School. Tenzin Palmo’s first port of call in India, 1964.
A class of young Tulkus (reincarnated lamas) whom Tenzin Palmo taught at Kailash, Dalhousie, 1964.
Early days in Dalhousie, 1966. Choegyal Rinpoche (who taught Tenzin Palmo Buddhist stories), Khamtrul Rinpoche (Tenzin Palmo’s guru), Lee Perry (Tenzin Palmo’s mother) and Togden Anjam.
Tenzin Palmo, one of the first Western women to receive full Bhikshuni ordination, Hong Kong, 1973. Sakya Trizin, Tenzin Palmo’s ’second’ guru, remarked, ‘You look like a bald-headed Virgin Mary!’
Some of the monks whom Tenzin Palmo befriended during her six-year stay at Tayul monastery, Lahoul, between 1970 and 1976.
Houses of the monks and nuns of Tayul monastery. The flat roofs provided perfect venues for winter parties.
Still close: renowned artist Choegyal Rinpoche and Tenzin Palmo with the late 8th Khamtrul Rinpoche in the background. Tashi Jong monastery, Kangra Valley, 1997.
