He made a face and folded his arms across his chest. “You don’t even know how to use the Taser yet.”
I picked it up and inspected it. “How hard could it be? Push this zap button.” I pressed it, and it crackled so loud, I jumped. My eyes widened, watching the electricity snap between the prongs. I let the button go. “Yeah, I’m betting that alone will run off the rapists.”
Lily snickered. “He makes me carry one too, you know. He bought it for me years ago.”
I gave my head a shake in commiseration. “He is so overbearing.”
West’s eyes narrowed. “He just doesn’t like to think about his girls walking around New York without him.”
Lily patted his forearm and leaned over to kiss his cheek. “I think it’s sweet.”
“Thank you.”
“And a little pushy—”
He frowned.
“—but sweet.”
He sighed. “Are you about ready to go?”
She shoveled her last bite into her mouth and hopped up. “Sure am. Let me grab my bag.”
West stood and pushed in his chair. “Good luck today, Mags. Let me know how it goes.”
“I will. Cross your fingers for me.”
Lily beamed as she walked back in with her bag, and I watched them clasp hands and look into each other’s eyes, smiling like there was no one else in the world but the two of them. I was somehow elated for them and filled with jealousy all at the same time.
Lily smiled over at me. “Have a great day. I’ll see you tonight, okay?”
I sighed and smiled back, feeling tired out of nowhere. I picked up my coffee. “Sounds good.”
They waved over their shoulders as they left the apartment, which was suddenly very, very quiet. And I was very, very alone.
I pushed back the chair as I pushed down my thoughts, grabbing Rose’s portable speaker to turn on music. And then I put on a smile and cleared off the table, humming as I washed the pans and dishes.
Being alone wasn’t all that bad. There was something nice about solitude, doing something mundane and responsible and grown up. Today I’d start building real roots in New York. Find an undeniable reason to stay forever. Because even though I was here, I still felt like I was in limbo. Finding a job was the first step to digging into my new life.
I dried off my hands and set up my laptop, feeling determined. Opened my email sitting straight as an arrow at the kitchen table. Pulled open my bookmarks feeling like a boss and fired away. Before I knew it, I had applied to three public schools and four charity outreaches, which was the sum of everything on my to-do list for the day. I checked the clock.
It was ten.
I sighed, annoyed that I didn’t have a single productive thing left to do. Eleven hours to kill before I saw Cooper. I chewed on my lip. Maybe I could explore the city some more or go to the library and check out a new book. I could read in the park — it looked like a gorgeous day. Or I could text Cooper.
Why wait all day if he was free now?
I only considered the question for a split second before picking up my phone and firing off a message. Welp, that didn’t take nearly as long as I thought it would. You busy?
My phone dinged within seconds. For you? Never. Want to come over?
I smiled. Be there in thirty-ish.
Let me send Bobby.
I rolled my eyes. You’re just as bad as West. I can find my own way, thanks, boss.
All right, you strong, independent woman. I’ll be waiting.
My heart fluttered again as I hopped up and nearly skipped into my room to get dressed. I pulled open my drawers and dug through them. Had to be casual for sure. Not too fussy. Maybe I’d even still go for a walk and read in the park after seeing Cooper. Naked.
I stripped off my clothes and slipped into my favorite casual-but-still-sexy-because-it’s-see-through black bra and panties, tugged on skinnies and a loose, striped tank. I reached under my bed for my white Converse, past all my gorgeous shoes that I never got to wear, because New York is dirty as hell, and shoved my feet in. And then I blew into the bathroom, stuffing a cardigan and scarf into my bag.
It wasn’t that I was overly eager for no reason, it was just that I was already thinking about his lips. I could see them smiling. I could feel them against mine. I could see them closing over my —
Oh, for God’s sake. Give it a rest.
I made a face at my reflection and picked up my mascara, then brushed on a little blush. My hair was a mess, which was nothing new, but I sprayed it with some expensive stuff my hairdresser sold me and scrunched it up, shaking out my roots. No one would ever accuse me of not having volume, that was for sure.
I headed out of the apartment, pulling on my cardigan and wrapping my scarf around my neck as I headed across the hall to West’s. I knocked and waited. We all had keys to each other’s apartments, though I still felt weird using mine to get into my brother’s place. Patrick would have answered within a second — his hearing was ridiculous — so when he didn’t, I unlocked the door and headed inside.
Their apartment had the comfortable, easy feel of a couple of guys who didn’t give a crap about interior design, but their hobbies lent their own charm to the place. Patrick’s art hung all over the walls, and the shelves were piled with West’s books. He had so many, shelf after shelf, from the classics on up, hardbacks and paperbacks stacked in front of each other, slipped into the free spaces. Shakespeare was his favorite, the topic of his proposal for the doctoral program at Columbia.
I made my way to one and quickly scanned the shelves, settling on Stardust by Neil Gaiman, another one of West’s favorite authors, and then I bounded out of the building.
I popped in my earbuds, smiling in the crisp spring afternoon, feeling like a legit New Yorker as I set out to walk the mile to Cooper’s place by way of Central Park. I knew exactly where I was going without needing to check a map. My MetroCard was in my bag, which somehow felt like an official token of my authenticity, whether I needed it or not.
You know what it was? I felt like I had my shit together. Like this new, improved, cosmopolitan Maggie had shed her old skin and left it in Jackson where it belonged. New Maggie was just that — shiny and new and indifferent to everything that had happened before. I wanted to reinvent myself. No, reinvent was the wrong word. I wanted to redefine myself. And I had.
My whole life, I’d lived in the same town, known the same people. Do you know what it’s like to run into everyone you went to high school with every time you went to the grocery store? Or the post office? Well, it sucks. No one forgot that time in first grade when you sat on a brownie and had chocolate on your butt all day. They don’t forget about the time Shawn Cross spit gum in your hair on the field trip to the zoo and Miss Jaret had to cut it out with a pair of safety scissors. And they definitely don’t forget that one time you caught your fiancé nailing your maid of honor on your wedding day. In a church, no less.
But in New York? No one knew and no one cared. And that was a gloriously freeing thing.
The day was spectacular — that kind of day that you live for all year, where it’s the perfect mix of blue sky and clouds, the air just crisp enough to be comfortable, carrying the promise of change. I made my way across the park with my eyes on the blooming cherry blossom and magnolia trees. I walked the path past the joggers and couples and around the Central Park Lawn, which was blanketed with people reading books, just sitting in the middle of the park, soaking it all in.
Once I hit the Met, I headed down 5th Avenue and to The Compass.
It was beautiful, the old, Deco feel of the 20s in every column, every angle, and I looked up, craning my neck as I tried to guess which windows were his from the outside. I smiled to myself, winding up my earbuds as I approached the awning to his building.