‘Well I hope you make the right ones.’
‘Me too. I think I know what I don’t want. It’s just finding out what I do want that’s the hard bit.’
Anni put her glass down, bringing Mickey out of his reverie.
‘You ready?’ he said.
‘Yeah.’
‘Let’s go home, then.’
127
Talking. Talking. Always talking. That was what Stuart’s life seemed to have become. People wanting to talk to him. All the time. On and on and on. Never leaving him alone. And he was tired of it.
At least they had all gone, left him alone for now. In his room. In silence. That was something.
He sat back in his easy chair. Tried to relax.
The room was small. He liked that. But comfortable. Relaxing. And that was good too.
He closed his eyes. Tried to think. Put everything together. Make a timeline.
The police had let him go. He hadn’t done anything wrong, they said. But they did think he needed someone to look after him. So he had been placed in a special hostel. Sheltered accommodation, they said it was called. For people with learning difficulties. He hadn’t spoken to the others yet, but they looked friendly enough.
But for now he just wanted to spend some time on his own. In his own head.
They said he was going to be rich. And that was nice. Rich was nice. They sent him a solicitor. He seemed very pleased to see Stuart. Told him Jack Sloane’s final will had been verified and he could see no reason why he shouldn’t get his share of the Sloane money. He was also in line for a lot of compensation. Said that he could be Stuart’s new best friend. But his probation worker had told him to be careful. Not to sign anything without checking with her first. So he would. Definitely.
He opened his eyes, got up. Crossed to the window, looked out. He smiled. Saw the same things he had seen from his prison cell. Birds. Trees. The sky. Other people, but far away. That was good. Reassuring.
And he was sleeping better too. No more nightmares about being trapped inside his body. At least not yet. Some about the last few days. Of being stuck with Amy/Dee again. Of having to hold a gun to Josephina’s head. Horrible things. But nothing too bad. Nothing about his childhood again. Or his body. Just … nothing. And nothing was better than something when the something had been horrible.
He turned from the window, sat back down again.
Josephina. She was a lovely girl. Really lovely. And he was so happy she had gone back home and was with her mother again. He had spoken to her mother, asked her if he could come and see Josephina. Maybe take her out, play with her. Her mother said she didn’t think that was a good idea. She didn’t want anyone or anything that would remind the little girl of what she had been through. Stuart had understood. It had made him sad. But if it helped Josephina, that was OK. That was fine. It was what being an adult was all about.
He closed his eyes once more. He thought there were things he should probably be doing but couldn’t remember any. People looked after him. Helped him. It was strange living here, but he would get used to it.
He smiled.
He didn’t have to do anything. All he had to do was wait.
128
Phil had to sit down. His legs were aching. Marina got him a drink. Non-alcoholic. The party continued all around them. He watched. She studied him.
Already the bruises were beginning to fade. The cuts and abrasions starting to heal. There wasn’t anything on his face that was expected to leave a lasting scar. The stitches along his hairline and over his scalp were still vivid-looking and would be for some time. But his hair was starting to grow back and the stitches would dissolve away eventually. There would be a few lines, a few scars, but his hair would mostly hide those. Most importantly, they didn’t think there would be any long-term damage.
He had been lucky, she thought. Very lucky. She looked over at Eileen. Felt a pang of guilt at how lucky.
Mickey came towards them, Anni not far behind.
‘How you feeling, boss?’ asked Mickey.
Phil managed a smile. ‘Not too bad. I’ll be well again soon. And back at work.’
Mickey smiled. ‘Don’t make it too soon, yeah?’
Phil laughed. It seemed to quickly exhaust him.
Anni appeared alongside Mickey. Stood close to him.
‘We’re off now,’ she said.
‘Going anywhere nice?’ asked Marina.
‘Just … ’ Mickey searched for the right words. ‘Early start tomorrow. Could do without a late one.’
‘Well I’m not in charge at the moment,’ said Phil, ‘so I can’t tell you what to do.’
Anni smiled. ‘Won’t be too long, though. The old team back together again.’ She looked between Phil and Marina.
Phil nodded. ‘Something like that,’ he said.
Mickey tried to shake hands, but the cast on his arm made it difficult. Anni kissed cheeks.
‘It was a great send-off,’ said Anni. ‘Don would’ve been proud.’
Phil nodded, said nothing.
Mickey and Anni moved away. Phil and Marina watched them go.
‘Do you think they’re …?’ Phil frowned.
‘If they’re not, it’s about time they did.’
They both managed a laugh, then fell into silence. Eventually Phil shook his head, sighed. Marina turned to him.
‘You OK?’
He nodded. ‘Yeah. I was just … that speech. About Don. That I made. Was it all right?’
‘It was wonderful. You said everything you should have said. Incredibly moving.’
‘Good.’ But Phil didn’t look convinced. ‘It just felt … like there was more to say.’
‘There’s always more to say.’
‘No, but … you know what it’s been like recently. Everything that’s gone on. Before all this. Family stuff. My … biological parents. All that.’
Marina said nothing. She knew.
‘Well it’s just … I don’t know. It’s like … we’d just bonded. Recently. Properly. Don and me. Fully acknowledged father and son. And now … he’s gone.’
‘At least you had that. Some sons never even get that much.’
He nodded. ‘Suppose you’re right.’
She said nothing.
‘Enjoy every sandwich,’ he said.
‘What?’
‘Something Warren Zevon said. Just before he died of cancer. He was asked if he’d learned anything about life. Enjoy every sandwich, he said. Because one day it’ll be your last.’
Marina just stared into her drink. ‘Maybe it’s time we went home too.’
Phil looked round. Don’s old friends were fully engaged in their war stories. Even Eileen was talking to friends. The party had moved on from him and Marina. ‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘Let’s.’
They left the pub and walked down the street arm in arm.