Realization hit me like a flood.
“Why the fuck are you a virgin, Aly?”
Aly just lifted her hips and begged me more. “Please.”
I continued to search her, please her, pressed my thumb to her clit as I lurched forward and covered her mouth with mine, demanding through my kiss, “Why are you a virgin?”
Aly’s hands flew to my face, her hold firm but her eyes sincere as she looked up at me. “Because I want it to matter.”
“Shit… Aly.”
Crushing my chest to hers, I curled my arm over the top of her head and mashed my cheek to hers.
I quickened my hand, my fingers filling her hard and fast.
Her nails cut into the skin of my shoulders, burrowed deep enough to sink into my blackened soul. Aly tightened, her breath rasping from her lungs and filtering across my face. “Jared… I don’t… so good.”
I could feel it hit, her pleasure as she convulsed all around my hand. Affection rushed through my chest.
No.
And still she was begging, “Jared, please,” lifting herself to me as she tried to get to my underwear.
I rose on my knees between her thighs, grabbed her hands, and pinned them to the bed. “No way, Aly.”
I might be an asshole, I might take and take and take, but there was not a chance in hell I was going to take that.
My eyes searched hers, trying to understand, trying to make her understand. “You said you want it to matter.”
Sadness clouded her features. “How could it not matter with you?”
Regret twisted through my gut because I knew better than to have allowed this to completely spin out of control. But it was me who lacked control, and it was Aly who held me.
And it would matter. To me. But that wouldn’t make a fucking difference in the world because I could never be what she needed. Could never be what she deserved.
I would destroy whatever we created, would ruin her, would wreck this beauty.
I loosened the hold on her hands. The tension that had stretched me tight ebbed, and my body softened as I rested my elbows on the bed, bracketing her shoulders. I swept the hair on her forehead from her face. “You matter, Aly. You’ve always mattered to me. But this… ” I twirled a strand of her hair with my finger. “I keep warning you we can’t do this, and you just keep pushing me further and further. I don’t know what it is you think you want from me… what you think I can give you.”
Aly frowned. “I just want you to stay.”
She made it sound so simple. Easy.
Stay.
Staying here would only be another transgression added to the uncountable others. Another blemish. Another mark. Surrender heaved from my lungs in a heavy sigh.
I’d already fucked it all up anyway. In the end, what would staying a little longer change? No doubt, when I finally left, it was going to hurt.
I spread my palm over the cheek of her trusting face.
Not just me, but it was going to hurt Aly, too.
“Stay,” she whispered again, lifting her chin to place a tender kiss on my mouth.
I rolled to the side and took her with me. “This is crazy.”
She wiggled closer and plastered herself to my side. “I know… but I like it.”
Quietly I laughed at the simplicity that was unbearably complex, and I smoothed my hand over the top of her head. “You do, huh?”
Her fingers tickled over my sensitive stomach. “Yeah, I do.”
I squeezed her and turned my mouth to her ear. “No sex, Aly. You waited this long… don’t waste it.” And fuck, if my body wasn’t still screaming for her. But I meant it.
“Okay,” she whispered seriously, her hand trailing up my torso to flatten on my chest. Then she lifted herself up on her elbow, a new shyness taking her over as she chewed at the inside of her lip. “Will you let me touch you?” she asked as she moved to straddle my legs and sat back on her knees.
She didn’t wait for an answer.
A slow moan locked in my throat when she freed me, and vibrations rocked me to my core when she took me in her hand. I shot up to sitting, gripped her head in my hands, and bunched her hair in my fingers, kissed her hard.
This girl. This girl.
“Aleena.”
Why would she want someone like me?
“Jared,” she breathed. Her soft hand was wrapped around me, her intense green eyes locked on mine as she began to move. Slowly at first, almost tentative. “Is this okay?” she murmured.
Okay? This girl just had no idea what she did to me.
“Fuck, Aly… that feels so good. You don’t even know.”
A whisper of a smile edged her mouth, her tongue darting out to wet her lips as she increased her pace. She leaned back a fraction to make herself room, bringing her other hand up to anchor to my neck.
We were nose-to-nose, and the air panted from her mouth mixed with mine as she heightened me to a pleasure that shouldn’t have been possible.
I grunted, my body fucking straining, desperate for more of her touch. “Aly… shit.” Pleasure shot through every nerve in my body as I came.
And Aly was kissing me, whispering my name as she led me through my release.
I wound her in my arms and buried my face in her chest, clinging to her. Because God, I didn’t want to let her go.
Aly slipped off my lap and pulled me down to her side. Warmth swam in her eyes as she stared at me, gentle fingers brushing through my hair. “Thank you… for tonight… for staying here with me.”
I kissed her forehead, unable to understand this girl. “You’re beautiful, Aly.”
She snuggled into my side and I held her closer, listened to her breaths as they slowed and evened, her heartbeat a steady thrum against my ribs as she drifted off to sleep. I got lost in it, lulled by it. Finally I let go and closed my eyes.
Sleep teased along the edges of my mind, a murky haze taking hold. Colors flashed. In defense, I squeezed my eyes tighter. But the inevitable came. Helplessly I watched as trails of blood made a distorted path down one side of her face. My chest convulsed and I was sure it was fire that pricked and singed my flesh.
“Jared,” she mumbled.
So badly I wanted to cry, but no tears would come, like they were locked inside with the fear and the pain.
She looked so sad. So sad and so scared.
But still she managed to smile.
A soft hand came to my face and moved down to cup my neck. “Shh,” Aly whispered. “Wake up, Jared. You’re shaking. It’s okay. I’m here. It’s okay.”
My eyes flew open to meet the pitch-black darkness of Aly’s room. Sweat drenched my body, and ragged breaths rasped from my lungs.
Aly pulled me closer and placed a kiss just below my ear. “It’s okay.”
I crushed her to my chest, my frantic heart pounding against hers. It wasn’t fucking okay. It never would be. But just for a little while, I wanted to pretend it was.
We lay together, curled up as one, and I fell asleep again and slept like I hadn’t for so, so long.
Faint light seeped through the window, and I awoke to find Aly sleeping in my arms. Her hair was spread all around us, the length spilling out behind her and a few wayward pieces crawling across my chest. I pressed my nose to her hair and breathed her in. One of her arms was draped across my chest, her flawless skin a striking contrast against the colors marring mine.
The pure and the impure.
Guilt seeped all the way to my bones.
I kissed her head and untangled myself from her hold. Pausing at her door, I listened to the silence on the other side, before I slipped out into the main room. Christopher’s door was closed. Who knew what time he’d come in last night? I sure hadn’t heard him.