I no longer understood joy, but I had to admit, it was good to see his face.
I had some money saved up from the construction job I’d somehow landed back in New Jersey. I’d been a supervisor and made good money. No one knew me from Adam there, and my records were sealed since I’d been a minor when everything went down. The day I turned eighteen, I was released, and I’d hitchhiked my way across the country, putting as much distance between this place and myself as I possibly could.
Funny how I ended up right back here again after running so far.
I was going to have to find a job soon. I wouldn’t run short of money for a while, but I’d need some kind of employment to put on my application if I wanted to get my own place. I couldn’t stay with Christopher forever.
Really, agreeing to come here at all was a train wreck waiting to happen.
He’d hate me before I was gone.
I’d bet on it.
Winding around to the back of the complex, I parked my bike in one of the visitor spots in front of his building. I hiked my bag farther up my back and tucked my hands in my jean pockets as I ambled up the stairs to the second-floor landing. There were only two doors. Apartment 2602 was on the left. I rapped on the metal door.
Two seconds later, Christopher opened it. Cold air blasted across my face from the air conditioner, and I welcomed it as Christopher widened the door to let me in. “Come on in.”
“This is seriously cool of you,” I said as I stepped inside and took in my surroundings. It was a big, open room, the living area off to the left and the kitchen with a small, round table to the right. The two were separated by a low bar with three barstools sitting in front of it. The couch was in the middle of the living room. Behind it, a large sliding glass door led out to a small balcony.
Christopher gestured toward the couch. “Make yourself at home. Aly and I are pretty casual around here. I’m not doing much of anything this summer but sitting on my ass because I figure my senior year is going to be brutal, and Aly’s working at a little restaurant while classes are out for the summer.”
“Oh yeah? What are you studying?” I asked. Christopher had never been much of the studious type. I felt bad for even thinking I was surprised he’d made it that far in school.
He shrugged. “Just getting a bachelor’s in business administration. I have no clue what I want to do with it, but shit, my parents saved all that money for me to go to college. I figured I’d better make good on it.”
“That’s cool. I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
“Thanks, man. I hope so.” It seemed like he wasn’t so confident. He ran a hand through his messy hair and heaved the air from his lungs. “Listen, let me grab you a blanket and pillow.”
He headed down the hall, tapped his index finger on the first door on the right. “This is Aly’s room. Off-limits, obviously.” He craned his head back. “She’s kind of private and pretty much keeps to herself. You two probably won’t run into each other all that much since she’s working a lot while classes are out for the summer.”
He touched the door on the left. “And this is Aly’s bathroom. I don’t think she’ll mind if you use it.” He said it as if it didn’t really matter that much, but I couldn’t imagine a girl wanting to share her bathroom with a guy she didn’t really know.
“My room’s at the end of the hall. There’s a bathroom in there, too, if you need it.”
“Thanks, man.” I dropped my bag on the floor next to the huge black leather couch. It faced a large black TV stand with a flat-screen sitting on top of it. Controllers for a game console were stuffed inside a drawer with the wires sticking out.
I inclined my head toward it. “You still play?”
I kinda wanted to laugh because I used to have to drag his lazy ass outside to play or ride bikes or whatever the hell I wanted to do because Christopher always had his nose in a video game. He’d been the scrawny kid. When we were growing up, I’d kicked an ass or two in his name. Nobody had messed with him after that.
I hated fighting then, hated even the sight of the tiniest amount of blood. But I did it for him.
After everything went down, fighting was pretty much all I did. When the pressure built, the anger, it had to be released. Fighting served as the perfect outlet – the way the adrenaline spiked, the way it rose until it cracked me open, then flooded through my muscles and wept free from my veins, draining everything until I felt nothing.
Those were the only nights I could sleep. They probably would’ve let me out earlier if they weren’t constantly pulling me off some kid who got in my way. Of course assholes to beat on in juvie were in no short supply. The population there was just a constant string of punks who deserved to get their asses kicked anyway.
Christopher laughed as he opened a closet in the hall. “Nah, I don’t play all that much, but it’s cool to unwind every once in a while.” He tossed me a blanket and pillow. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you want. I set a spare key for you on the coffee table.” He pointed to the silver key before his hand fluttered in the direction of the kitchen. “Aly and I share food. Just be sure to chip in or whatever when she goes to the store.”
“Yeah, for sure.” I dropped the blanket and pillow on the couch, sat down, and unlaced my boots to pull them off. Midnight approached, and I felt wasted, worn, but I doubted I’d catch much sleep tonight. Anxiety was my constant companion, and it’d grown since I’d gotten back into town. A disquiet rumbled somewhere deep inside me, the same feeling that had urged me onto my bike and out onto the street little more than a week ago. I hadn’t even made a conscious decision to come.
The last four years since I’d been out of juvie I’d been focused, but without a goal. I showed up at the job site every day, worked hard, fought a little, and fucked a lot. A pathetic substitution for life, but it was all I had. And I’d had no intention of ever changing it.
Then nine days ago I got up in the morning and got on my bike and just rode.
Christopher pulled his cell phone from his pocket. “I’m going to give Aly a heads-up that you’re here. I don’t want her coming in and freaking out that there’s a strange guy sleeping on the couch.”
Nodding, I kneeled down and unzipped my bag. “Thanks again. I’m going to grab a shower and call it a night.”
“Sounds good. Clean towels are in the hall closet.” Christopher hesitated at the end of the hall, then finally said, “I’m glad you’re back, Jared.”
My jaw tightened, but I lifted it in his direction. “Yeah, me, too.”
The shower felt awesome. I kind of felt bad to have my naked ass surrounded by all of Aly’s girlie shit, like I was some kind of unwilling voyeur, but there was nothing I could do about it. I grabbed a bottle of body wash and squirted a mound into my palm. Coconut. I lathered it over my body with my hands and rushed it over my face. Damn, it smelled good.
Shaking my head, I resisted the urge to laugh because this whole thing was insane.
I toweled off, pulled on some boxer briefs and a clean pair of jeans.
Wandering out into the main room, I rubbed the towel through my damp hair and glanced over at the microwave. Already twelve forty.
Okay, so not really all that late, but was it weird Aly was still out? If I were Christopher, I wasn’t sure how I’d deal with it, a sister out at all hours of the night. If I thought I couldn’t sleep now…
My little sister’s face hit me before I could stop it. God. I hadn’t seen Courtney since she was nine. Not since the day she’d gone to live with my grandparents three weeks after I’d destroyed our family.
In the months that followed, my grandparents had wanted me to go with them, too, like maybe if they took me out of the house where my father drank away his days, they could save me from the downward spiral I was on. But I’d refused. There was nothing they could do to help me.