She paused, and her hands clamped down on mine. “What if you’re wrong, Jared?”
I swallowed the lump wedged deep in my throat. “I’m not.” I knew I should push her away because this girl who had managed to sink her fingers into my spirit was going to end up as just another one of them – a fucking perfect memory to torture me through the rest of my worthless life.
Instead I clung to her, crushed her to me because I couldn’t stop myself from taking from her until the moment she was taken from me.
The next night I was antsy. I hadn’t seen Aly since early in the morning when I’d climbed from her bed to get ready for work. By the time I got back to the apartment, she’d already left for her lunch and dinner shift at the café.
Christopher lounged on the couch next to me watching TV, wearing nothing but an old ratty pair of jeans and with hair to rival any ’eighties rock band, though I doubted very much he’d put any effort into making it look that way. I sat there next to him, pretending to be doing something other than sitting there waiting for his sister to get home.
I knew I needed to start looking for my own apartment. I was beginning to feel like a loser sleeping on their couch, even though I’d been giving Christopher a third of the rent. But I’d only be lying if I chalked it up to the money. Christopher wouldn’t care one way or the other. He’d welcomed me, given freely when all I’d done was turn around and take advantage of him and his generosity, deceiving my oldest friend when I’d promised him there was nothing going on between Aly and me. But how could I admit it to him? He’d already made it clear he’d never be okay with it. I mean, fuck, I wasn’t okay with it. It wasn’t like I could blame the guy for wanting to protect his baby sister.
Guilt over it had been impossible to shake, too. Every morning I’d study him, wondering when he would finally see through all my bullshit. Hiding away with Aly covered my consciousness like a shroud of shame. And like the asshole I was, I still stayed.
“Timothy is having another party tonight. I’m going to head over there in a little while. You wanna come?” Christopher asked, confirming my suspicion that he actually liked having me around.
I glanced over the bar at the clock on the microwave. It was just after nine. Aly would be home soon.
“Nah, man, I have to be up at six for work in the morning. I might walk over to The Vine for a couple beers to unwind, but I can’t come stumbling in at three in the morning the way you always do.” I smirked at him while guilt wound me tight. It was the same excuse I’d used the first morning he asked me where I’d been when he got home and I wasn’t on the couch. Of course, my bike had been sitting like a witness of my guilt in the parking lot downstairs. I’d claimed I couldn’t sleep so I walked to The Vine to grab a beer when I’d really been locked in Aly’s room.
Aly would be worth any lie if I knew I wasn’t slowly destroying her, if there was even a chance that what was happening behind her door wasn’t going to end in ruin.
“God, do you always have to be the responsible one all the time? You kill my buzz just looking at you.” Christopher smiled, all easygoing and cool.
“Shut up.” Shame spiked, but I just laughed.
A key rattled in the front door lock.
That shame evaporated and a thrill of exhilaration took its place. I’d been missing her like crazy today. I didn’t know what it was, but I couldn’t wait to see her.
I jerked my head around to see her face just as she pushed open the door. She rested her foot against the bottom to prop it open as she jostled her key free from the lock, smiling up at me. Her hair was up in a high ponytail, and the long pieces that had fallen free framed her face, her cheeks tinted with red from a day of work. Welcome shone in her eyes.
Warmth spread just under my skin, and my heart pounded a little harder than I wanted it to. God, no wonder Christopher had noticed the way I’d been looking at her because there was no stopping the smile that pushed to my face.
“Hey, guys,” she said a little breathlessly as she stepped inside. She nudged the door to fall shut behind her, then yelped when it was smacked back by a huge hand holding it open at the top.
Aly whirled around just as I scrambled to my feet. Aggression shot through me, fast and hard. I figured the quickest way to get to her was by jumping over the back of the couch because someone was about to get their ass kicked.
“Damn it, Gabe, you scared the shit out of me,” she shouted.
Aly’s words stopped me in my tracks.
Her hand was pressed to her chest as she heaved her surprise from her lungs, while Dickhead stood in the doorway grinning as if scaring the hell out of Aly had been the highlight of his fucking day.
I wanted to smash him in the face.
“Sorry.” He laughed it off. “I didn’t mean to startle you like that.”
“It’s okay.” Aly shook herself as if shucking the jolt of fright from her body. “I just didn’t hear you come up behind me.”
He pressed his lips together, his hands in his pockets as he rocked back on his feet. “So, listen, I thought maybe we talk a little bit?” Warily, he glanced into the room at me and Christopher. Christopher was in about the same position I was, one knee on the couch and both hands on the backrest as if he’d been ready to rocket himself over it, too, before he realized it was this ass standing at the door.
Gabe shifted in clear discomfort.
That’s right, fucker, you are not welcome here.
Aly seemed to hesitate, glancing at us over her shoulder, before she spoke. “Yeah, sure, of course,” she rambled, lifting her hand to point down the hall. “We can go in my room.”
Okay, that sounded like a really fucking bad idea.
I looked over at Christopher for backup, but he’d just turned around and plopped his lazy ass back on the couch with a resigned sigh.
Aly headed toward her room. Dickhead kept two steps behind her wearing that same smug smile on his pompous face that I would be all too happy to erase for him.
Neither of them said anything before Aly snapped her door shut behind them.
Shit. I stood in front of the couch, shifting my feet, still on edge. How the fuck was I supposed to just sit here and not do anything while he had Aly behind closed doors?
“I don’t know what she sees in that guy. Dude is a complete douche bag,” Christopher said as he mindlessly flipped through stations on the TV.
“Maybe we should go in there and check on her or something?”
“They’ve been in there for five seconds, Jared. I hardly think that warrants checking on.”
“I don’t like it. That guy’s an asshole.”
Incredulous, Christopher chuckled. “You think I like it? You know I can’t stand the thought of her with some guy, but she’s been seeing him for, like, six months or something… at least he’s been hanging around that long. And it’s not like she’s fifteen. I can’t tell her she’s not allowed to have guys over.”
So it was fine for Dickhead to be in her room but not me?
I wanted to laugh at myself. As if I didn’t know the answer to that question? I’d been in jail, an addict, and Gabe was the fucking pretty boy college student.
But I hated it, knowing he was in there with her, hated that I didn’t know what was being said or what was being done.
Forcing myself to sit, I focused my eyes on the TV and my ear on her room, hoping that I could at least keep myself planted on the couch and not bolt for her door.
I mean, I trusted Aly with everything, even when I had nothing to give. I’d let her touch me, allowed her fingertips to memorize my sins, let her ask and dig and suggest fucking impossible things like reconciling with my dad.
We’d never talked about what this meant, these nights that were only temporary. But I’d always imagined they counted. That in them we were something. I couldn’t begin to imagine being with another girl while I was with Aly. Not a fucking chance. I only wanted her. I guess I’d just assumed the same for her, and she’d have cut this asshole off the second she’d come to me, the moment she had stripped me bare when she’d offered herself to me.