“But that’s a matter for another day,” I said firmly. “Come on; let’s go home.”
The Merlin Glass appeared abruptly before us, opening out onto the War Room. We filed through, and everyone there burst into applause, cheering my name and Molly’s. The Armourer was waiting to greet us.
“Knew you’d be back,” he said gruffly. “Never doubted it. What was the higher dimension like? What did the Hungry Gods look like? Did you bring me back any interesting souvenirs?”
“Hello, Uncle Jack,” I said. “Good to be back.”
There had to be a great celebration, of course. The family has always been big on ceremonies and celebrations. So after Molly and I had gone straight to bed and slept the clock round, word was sent that we were expected in the ballroom. We dressed up in our best and went along to find pretty much the whole damned family gathered in one place, dancing and drinking and feasting, in jubilant celebration that the world wasn’t going to end after all. They looked as though they’d been at it for some time, too. The noise was deafening. Strange had manifested his rosy glow up by the high ceiling, and was broadcasting dance music out of nowhere. People were dancing wildly, drinking freely, and chattering loudly together as they devoured the wide array of food laid out on buffet tables lining all four walls.
And then everything stopped as we entered, and everyone turned to cheer us, clapping their hands and stamping their feet, and basically going out of their minds just at the sight of us. The sheer volume and sentiment was so overwhelming, I practically blushed. I nodded stiffly, smiled, and waved tentatively. Molly smiled sweetly and basked in it all. Molly had never been bashful in her entire life.
We made our way into the ballroom, and everyone went straight back to dancing and drinking and eating. We’ve always been a very pragmatic family. The Matriarch had wanted Molly and me to be the guests of honour, with speeches and presentations and the like, but I had put my foot down. This was a celebration by the family, of the family. We all did our part. We all did our duty.
Molly and I wandered along a buffet table, trying a little of this and a little of that. Most of the food on display was the usual party nibbles, family style. Molly loved the pate-stuffed baby mice on cocktail sticks, and I was quite taken with the baby octopus stuffed with caviar. Then there was lemming mousse, deviled brains in a brimstone sauce, and any amount of roast swan. We don’t like the lake to get overcrowded. Her Majesty the Queen had given us special dispensation to eat swan. As if we cared.
I was still bone tired, despite many hours of deep and dreamless sleep, and even Molly lacked some of her usual sparkle. So we just strolled around, saying hi to people and shaking hands, and allowing ourselves to be clapped on the shoulder, which actually gets quite painful after a while, and just generally let everyone tell us how marvellous we were. Familiar faces popped up here and there. The librarians William and Rafe nodded briefly to us in passing, intent on devouring everything on the buffet tables that didn’t actually get up from its plate and run away. Harry and Roger sailed past, dancing together to the strains of a Strauss waltz, and very dashing they looked too. Young Freddie Drood was dancing with the Matriarch, the pair of them sailing smoothly and gracefully across the floor, and for just for a moment I caught a glimpse of the magnificent woman Martha must have been in her prime.
Callan came limping over to join us, with a large drink in one hand and an even larger drumstick in the other. “Hi there! Welcome back! What the hell did you think you were doing, going off to save the world without me? I woke up in a hospital bed and had to fight my way out with a steel bedpan and a walking stick. Only to find you were already gone! I always miss out on the good stuff…”
“Maybe next time,” Molly said kindly. “Did you see Janissary Jane in the infirmary?”
“Oh, sure. She’s recovering. Slowly. Tough old bird.” Callan took a deep breath and looked suddenly subdued. “Lot of others didn’t make it. The funerals alone will take weeks to get through. The family will be a long time getting over this.”
“All the more need for good people to step forward, and take up the strain,” I said. “I’ve already talked to the Matriarch about making you a full field agent.”
Callan grinned. “About time. I’ll show you all how it’s done.”
And off he went, to inflict his personality on someone else.
The Armourer wandered over, holding one of his special long-stemmed glasses, which he swore were specially designed to never spill a drop, no matter what you did with them. Judging by the wine stains all down the front of his lab coat, the mark fifteen was no more successful than any of the previous models. The Armourer smiled vaguely at Molly and me, and then remembered why he’d come over to us, and launched into a briefing update. He never was much of a one for small talk.
“We knew the Hungry Gods were dead the moment it must have happened, because every drone in every nest and all over the world died or disappeared at the exact same moment. They even vanished from inside the poor possessed souls we were holding in the isolation tanks. All trace of infection gone, just like that. Most of the poor bastards are still suffering from internal changes, and even some brain damage, but there’s a lot the medical people can do. If not… well, the family will care for them till the day they die, if need be… The important thing is, there’s not a single Loathly One left in the whole wide world! Hell of an achievement, the pair of you!”
“Thank you, Uncle Jack,” I said. “You know, we wouldn’t have made it out if it wasn’t for you. Your teleport bracelet came in handy after all.”
“I knew it!” he said happily. “I’m glad you finally got around to testing it for me. I was almost sure it would work.”
He wandered off again, before I could hit him. Almost sure? Molly shuddered suddenly beside me.
“I don’t remember much about how it felt to be infected. To have that thing inside me, eating away at my mind and my soul. Probably just as well.”
“Yes,” I said. I hadn’t told her about the drone taking control of her body and using it to kill her old friend Subway Sue. What good would it do? Sometimes love is in the things we don’t tell each other.
“Did they ever find out who killed Sebastian?” she said suddenly.
“Apparently not,” I said. “Odds are he was killed by the original traitor, the Drood who first brought the Loathly Ones through into our world. Presumably Sebastian knew something, or the traitor thought he did…”
“And you’re not worried the bastard is still here?”
I had to smile. “If I could believe there was only one traitor left in this family, I’d be a happy man. Sooner or later, he or she will give him-or herself away. Traitors always do. But that… is a matter for another day.”
The Matriarch came over to join us, stiff-backed and regal as always, and everyone else hurried to get out of her way.
“Well-done,” she said, brisk as ever. “One crisis averted, so many more to go.”
“Business as usual, for the family,” I said.
“Quite.” She considered me thoughtfully. “If you’re willing, I’m quite prepared to continue running the day-to-day business of the family, while leaving you to set policy and make operational decisions. You would still be in charge…but there’s a lot I could do for the family.”
“Of course there is,” I said. “I can use your experience. But I don’t plan to run things forever. I have no wish to be Patriarch. The sooner I can set up some kind of democratic system in the family, to choose our leaders, the sooner I can get back to being a field agent, where I belong.”
The Matriarch shrugged. “The family has tried pretty much every way there is of running things, at one time or another, but we always come back to a Matriarch. Because that’s what works. But you’ve earned the right to your little experiment with democracy.”