Kira shrugged. "They were boys, not men, and they found it easier to talk to a chatterbox like me. Oh, some of them fancied me, but half were hanging about as a way to get closer to you. Your intelligence intimidated them all fearfully, you know. I always knew you would come into your own when you were older and could meet men who were mature and confident."
"What about Philip Burke?" Kit asked, feeling a faint twinge even now. "I wanted desperately for him to notice me, but he didn't know that I was alive."
"Him? Oh, he was just one of those people, the sort that can't deal with identical twins," Kira said dismissively. "Since he needed something to do while visiting Kendal, he decided to dangle after me. So he did, which meant that you became invisible to him. I'm sorry that upset you, but honestly, he wasn't worth it. Those people never are."
"To think that I pined over him for one whole summer, yet missed something so obvious!" Kit sighed. "You overrate my intelligence."
"No, I don't." Kira sighed. "I'm not as strong as you, Kit. I knew that Jane was right when she insisted that we separate and learn to lead independent lives after Papa died. I tried my best, but I just couldn't manage as well as you. Professionally, you became an influential writer, read and respected by the most prominent men in the kingdom. Even more important, you were always so calm, so confident, so comfortable with yourself. Not at all like me."
"But you were a much greater success!" Kit retorted. "You made ten times the money I did. It was you who paid off most of Papa's debts, and you had so many friends and admirers."
Kira shrugged. "I did well enough as an actress, but as a person I was a fraud-incomplete. I desperately wanted to find someone who would love and take care of me. That was why it was so dreadful to fall in love. with an American. It was unthinkable to leave England, yet sending Jason away was almost as bad."
Again Kit had the sense that they were talking about two different people. "You really thought that I was successfully independent? I love Jane, and living with her has been very comfortable, but I would have accepted her offer of a home even if she'd been Caligula. When I left Westmoreland, I couldn't endure the thought of living alone or going among strangers. I had such respect for your courage in entering a whole new world. I spent four years lurking in my room, writing essays, which is about as far from real life as one can get."
"I needed the distraction of being constantly busy," Kira said simply. "I knew I would have a terrible time without you, but activity and novelty would help."
Understanding struck them simultaneously. They stared at each other in the darkness. "Jane kept emphasizing how well you were doing on your own," Kit said. "When she wrote you, did she go on about my success?"
"Yes!" Kira exclaimed. "I suppose she was only trying to be encouraging, but by telling each of us that the other was doing so well, she made us both feel like failures!"
"Though her intentions were good, the results weren't," Kit said half laughing, half exasperated. "For four years I've been blaming myself for my weak character."
"I did until I met Jason. That's when I realized it isn't in my nature to be frightfully independent like Jane. Oh, I can survive on my own, I know that now, but I'm far happier being with someone I love."
Her sister's words triggered a series of insights in Kit. She had been resisting Lucien with all her might. Part of that was her genuine fear that he would prefer Kira and leave her devastated, but she had also believed she shouldn't need him so much. Her experience had been that it wasn't safe to rely so much on men, and that had been reinforced by Jane, who was so splendidly independent herself.
But Lucien was not a Travers, and Kit should not doubt him because of her father's failings. Nor should she read so much into the way he had hugged Kira after she had shot Mace. Kit had been disposed to assume the worst, but apparently she and her sister had been misjudging each other for years. If she could do that with her twin, she could certainly be wrong about Lucien.
It was also high time for her to accept that it was no more her nature to be emotionally self-contained than it was Kira's. Thoughtfully she said, "We haven't talked like this in four years, Kira. Thank you for giving me a new perspective on life and love."
"Speaking of love, are you going to marry Lucien Fairchild? He's rather magnificent."
"So he is. As to marriage…" Kit hesitated, not wanting to discuss what was still so horrendously unresolved. "That remains to be seen. He thinks we should marry, but that's mostly because he feels guilty about all of the times we were in compromising situations. Since that was my fault, not his, it seems rather silly that he should have to marry me for the sake of my reputation."
"That's just an excuse-the truth is that he's another victim of your fatal charm." After a short pause, Kira inhaled sharply with surprise. "Kit, you sly thing, are you pregnant?"
"What?" Kit gasped. "That's impossible!"
"Is it?" Kira asked with interest.
Kit felt herself blushing so violently that the interior of the carriage should have warmed several degrees. "Well, not actually impossible. But certainly improbable."
Kira chuckled wickedly. "Nonetheless, I think it's true. I shall prepare myself to become an aunt."
Perhaps she was right; it was the sort of thing one twin would know about another. Kit thought about the possibility of having Lucien's child. Warmth sparked in her heart and spread through her whole body. It was a wonderful prospect-yet it complicated her situation enormously.
For the rest of the ride they chattered back and forth comparing notes, finishing each other's sentences, washing away four years of subtle estrangement in a flood tide of words. Then Kira glanced out the window and saw the manor house outlined against the night sky. "Incidentally, where are we going? I didn't think to ask."
"A small estate owned by a friend of Lucien's. It's vacant at the moment, so we've temporarily taken it over. Some of Lucien's servants came along to keep us comfortable."
"Did you bring some decent clothing? As soon as we get inside, I want you to help me take off this ghastly costume so that I can burn it."
"I packed several of your gowns," Kit assured her. "Warm, conservative ones because I knew that was what you would want."
Kira glanced down at herself. "Actually, Jason would enjoy seeing me in this outfit, but I can't bear having anything that Mace forced on me. Speaking of which, would you switch cloaks with me? You can have the sable cape; I don't want it anywhere near me."
Awkward in the cramped quarters, they exchanged their outer garments. As she wrapped the sumptuous fur around her, Kit remarked, "Since Mace is hardly one of my favorite people, I don't want to keep the cape either. Maybe we should give it to Cleo. She was wonderfully helpful, and she would love it."
"Good idea." A touch of defiance in her voice, Kira continued, "After I change, I'm going to find Jason and drag him off to his room for the night. We have a lot to catch up on."
Kit realized that her sister expected a scold. Once prim Lady Kathryn would have been scandalized at such immoral behavior, but not now. Not since she had learned something about passion and the bond it would forge between a man and a woman. "You certainly do. Having each survived a terrible captivity, I expect you'll be closer than ever."
"I hadn't thought of that, but you're right." After a slight hesitation, Kira said, "You needn't be jealous of Jason, you know. The connection between you and me has changed and evolved over the years, but it will always be there. Always."
Trust Kira to know and understand. Her heart full of love, Kit said, "And you say I'm clever. When it comes to the most important things in life, you've always been ahead of me."