The confidence he had now made him feel invincible and it felt good, but there was also a level of aggression he’d never had before. He wanted to test himself, to put what he had learnt into practice. He didn’t really care about who they were or where, he just wanted to do what he had been trained to do — to be aggressive, to act quickly, to use his body and his senses more than his head. He wanted to fight.
Chapter 8
Sitting on the train back to Sydney felt good; the rhythmic motion, the forward movement and the warmth from the sun lulled Finn. With the initial training over, he and the others had two weeks’ leave. Finn felt apprehensive but excited to see his mates again and to let go for a while. He realised after he walked out of the camp that the entire time he had been in training he was on edge, constantly alert and never really able to relax.
Arriving at Central Station, it was warm, the cloudless blue sky felt immense and open, and the air smelled of rainwater being evaporated off the ground by the hot sun. It was strange to have so many people around him, all going about their usual activities. It all seemed so foreign to him now — wearing a suit, walking to an office, sitting at a desk — he couldn’t imagine ever doing any of that again.
Finn decided that he wasn’t ready to see his parents yet. After the way his father had reacted to him joining the army, he couldn’t face repeating that argument. He also knew that on a certain, immature level, he wanted to punish his dad for not saying goodbye.
Chris’s parents were welcoming and had told Finn he could stay with them for as long as he wanted. With that organised, all Finn could think about was seeing Sophie again. It had been three months and, although they emailed constantly in the first few weeks, it had eventually whittled away to nothing.
Finn took a taxi to Chris’s parents’ home in the exclusive Sydney suburb of Rose Bay. Paying the cabbie, Finn heaved his army-issue rucksack over his shoulder and headed through the gate to the front door.
‘Come here, boy,’ yelled Chris with a big goofy grin as he pulled Finn in for a hug. ‘Not too tough for a hug now, fella?’
‘Yeah, yeah…’ said Finn, returning the hug with a resigned grin.
‘Mate, three months with a bunch of soldier boys. I bet you got a lot of practice hugging blokes, didn’t ya?’ Chris laughed at his own joke, as he was prone to do.
‘Seriously mate, I’m a weapon now, so don’t test me,’ Finn said in the most serious tone he could muster.
‘Yeah right, you just look like a meat-head to me,’ replied Chris, laughing and pointing at his buzzed head. ‘C’mon, drop your gear and let’s head up to the Lord Dudley for a few beers. I’ve arranged to meet some of the guys at the Grand National later. Everyone wants to hear about your toy guns.’
That night, Finn felt relaxed, physically, but his friends noticed something different about him. He’d always had a bit of a scowl on his face when it was in repose, but they knew it didn’t have anything to do with his personality. Now, though, the scowl seemed more meaningful. He was definitely more watchful, more alert than he used to be — and somehow much more physically imposing, even though he hadn’t bulked up all that much. But they didn’t let this new Finn get in the way of a good time — every time they got together they ripped shreds off each other and laughed themselves stupid in the process. Finn enjoyed the night out, but as they talked shit about their mortgages and their cars, Finn couldn’t help but feel like his friends’ lives were easy and trivial. He himself had been doing the same thing not three months before, but now he felt unimaginably distant from that world.
The one part of that world that seemed to have the same effect on him as before was Sophie. The whole time, Finn couldn’t stop thinking about Sophie and wondering if she was out that night. Afterwards, walking back to Chris’s parents’ place he considered sending her an IT. How uncool though, firing off a drunken message at two in the morning. No way, he thought to himself. Have some class.
The next day he got up early and left before Chris and his parents were up. Finn wanted to get down to Bondi and surprise Sophie. He couldn’t wait to see the look on her face.
Taking the packed 389 bus from Bondi Junction down to the beach and getting off on Hall Street, he started walking down towards the café. If there was one place in Australia that was oblivious to the Chinese invasion, it was Bondi. Same mix of bohemian cruisers getting by on the fumes of money, side-by-side with the mega-wealthy. Often it was hard to tell them apart, the rich dressed to look urban and rough to blend in, the rest dressed to stand out and be seen. Somehow, they all ended up looking the same. Finn wondered if any of them even realised that the Chinese had invaded, let alone cared. Unlikely, he thought.
He thought again about how he would walk in — with a cool, calm, collected look, he’d just stand and say nothing until she saw him. Or perhaps he would burst in and yell her name, Rocky Balboa — style; or maybe a witty one-liner?
‘Shit,’ he cursed. What’s something witty? Witty, witty, witty… fuck — nothing came to mind. No, it wouldn’t be the witty line approach. Ten metres to go. Fuck it, just walk in and see what happens, he figured.
Stepping in, the café was busy. He looked behind the counter and saw three girls serving, but no sign of Sophie.
‘Excuse me, is Sophie working today?’ he politely asked one of the girls.
‘Soph? No, sorry mate, she’s gone back to England, I think,’ replied the girl. ‘Hey, Georgie. Soph went back to England, didn’t she?’ the girl yelled to another out the back.
‘Yep, she would have flown out about a month ago,’ came the reply.
Finn was immediately and obviously deflated.
‘Sorry, mate. I think she had some family problems. Can I get you anything?’
‘Um, yeah, guess I’ll have a flat white, thanks,’ replied Finn glumly.
When he left, he turned towards the beach and started walking. Fuck it, he thought, resigning himself to the coastal track to Bronte Beach. It had lost a few millimetres of width with the rising water levels as the polar ice caps melted, but it was still a stunning walk and, with a spot of people-watching, he figured Sophie would be off his mind in no time. Finn told himself to apply some of the mental discipline he’d acquired and harden the fuck up.
The following day Finn called his mother.
‘Hello,’ came the familiar voice.
‘Hi, Mum. It’s me,’ said Finn.
‘Oh darling, how are you?’ her voice lilted, immediately animated. ‘It’s so good to hear from you. Where are you?’
‘I’ve got a few weeks’ leave and I’m in Sydney, staying at Chris’s place.’
‘You must come home, we have to see you —’
‘Mum,’ Finn interrupted, ‘I don’t want to come home if Dad is still upset.’
‘Don’t you worry about your dad, Finn. I’ve properly sorted him out after his little performance when you left.’ She sounded satisfied with her work — when it came to her and Tom, she usually won when she decided to take a stand on something.
‘Are you sure, Mum? I don’t want to fight with him anymore and I haven’t changed my mind about what I’m doing.’
‘I know darling, and your dad is okay with it now.’
‘Cool. Well I’ll come up this afternoon. Think I’ll stay at Chris’s tonight though if that’s okay. Just want to see how Dad and I get along first. Is that cool?’