This Hammy Hamster cunt stands in the doorway wi his gun pointed at us. Eyes focused but wi that glaze that aw men ready tae hurt need tae pit between them and their prey. Mel pleads softly with him, keeping her voice firm and professional. — Please don’t hurt the children…
— That’s down to you, he snaps, moving towards ays.
It’s hard tae witness. Ah’m no keen tae stoap a bullet, but ah’ll take yin for them. — Leave her and the kids out of this, I tell him, trying tae stand up in the chair. — This is between you and me.
It’s funny, but ah hear Mel scream oot before ah feel any pain. — No, please! she yells as the cunt connects the butt ay the pistol wi the side ay my jaw, and pushes me doon.
— Don’t wake your kids, the cunt goes, makin it sound like a threat. — Now you, he looks at me, — you tell this stupid fucking whore all about the man she married!
Ah keep quiet. Ah look up at the ceiling fan. Then doon at the concrete flair. Sensing the knives behind ays, wi the hammers, chisels, n aw the other sculpting stuff.
— Tell her!
— Harry, please, Mel begs, as ah’m lookin ower the other tools in view, like the gas canisters and the acetylene torch, off tae the side. — It doesn’t have to be like this, she goes, aw breathless. — You say you care for me! How is this caring for anybody? And she’s greetin, tryin tae keep control ay hersel. The fear is nearly overwhelming her.
— I thought you were strong, he sneers at her, pacin up n doon in front ay us, — with that proud, stuck-up-bitch way you had. But I was wrong. You’re weak, soft in the head. Easy meat for evil bastards like this scumbag. He points at ays. — This asshole broke into my home! Tried to kill me! Tried to fucking well hang me with a noose! My own garden hose! Have you told her that? He bends doon and screams in ma face: — HAVE YOU?!
Ah feel his gob on ma cheek.
— What? You’re fantasising, mate. Ah shake ma heid. — Auto-asphixiation, was it? Jerk off, did ye?
— TELL HER! And he batters me in the pus again with the gun. Ah feel ma cheekbone depress.
Breathe…
Pain’s never bothered ays much. It’s jist a message. Ye kin put pain outside ay yirsel. The eyes, teeth n baws are hardest, but ye can dae it.
Mel screams out again. — No, Harry, please!
There are stars, aw different colours, dancing in front ay ma eyes. Ah tries tae blink them away as ah focus on this cunt. — Ever done DMT?
— You shut the fuck up!
— A mate gied ays it, ah explain. — Said it was the ultimate trip. Said that as an artist, ah should experience it.
He looks tae Mel, then back at me. — I’m fucking warning you…
— Now ah nivir really liked drugs. A peeve, aye, sound, ah smile at him. — A wee bit ay ching. But this stuff, couldnae really caw it a drug as such –
— Harry! Please! Mel shouts. — This is lunacy! We have two little girls in their beds! We need to work this out!
This cop cunt laughs in her face. — What can you work out? You, who can’t even see what you fucking married! I used to be in love with you. Wanted to be with you. He laughs in that daftie sneer again. — Now? Now I pity you. I pity the useless, pathetic cunt that you are!
Ah fuckin hate the way some American cunts call lassies cunts. Fuckin offensive, that shite. Ah’m tastin ma ain blood doon the back ay ma throat, as ah try tae breathe steadily in through ma neb. That sweet Pacific air comin through the metallic scent. Nowt like it. — That’s a bit sad, mate.
— What?
— Ye cannae be in love wi somebody whae isnae in love wi you. It’s no love, it’s just a fucking noncey sickness in the heid. You’re no well, pal, I say. — Get treatment. Doesnae need to be this way.
— Jim, no, please… Mel’s urgin ays tae be quiet, let her do the talkin.
— You?! You call me fuckin sick in the head! You?!
— Listen, ah tell him, no likin the wey Mel’s lookin at ays, like she might half believe this radge, — do what you like with me but leave them out of it, Mel n the kids. They’re not the issue. That’s what ye always wanted, me out the road. Make it happen.
— Jim, no! Melanie squeals, drawin Hammy’s attention back tae her.
— It’s too late for that, the cunt tells her, then eh’s back tae me. — You tell her. Tell her what you done! Coover! Santiago! Tell her about them! Tell her who you are!
Ah’d go tae the fuckin grave before ah’d grass masel up tae Mel aboot removing they two rapist trash. — Tell her what, ya fuckin bam?
He jumps forward and his pistol butt cracks down on my beak this time. A bolt ay searing pain shoots up tae the centre ay ma brain. It feels fuckin good. The sickness maist cunts would feel rising in their guts, ye just laugh at that shite n away it goes. Ye huv tae make friends wi pain. Ah see them aw in ma mind’s eye again. Like they were in that DMT trip; Seeker, Donnelly, Chizzie, Coover, Santiago, Ponce, naebody really seeming that upset. Just enjoying the feast…
But the mood was sort ay… disorganised. It was like this grand stately dining room, but it felt like a bus terminal or railway station, somewhere that would take ye somewhere else. There wis this overriding idea that we needed tae just sit doon and get on wi the meal. Finish it, so we could move on, go somewhere else. Ah wonder where. Ah’m thinkin that it would be good tae try that DMT again, maybe see if we could take it tae the next fuckin level.
— Harry, stop, please, let us go! You’re a police officer, Harry! Melanie’s screams cut through ma thoughts.
— And what use was that? What respect did I ever get from you, from cunts like you, for that?
— I respect the police, I respect the law, Mel says, calm, reasonable, and finding strength again fae somewhere. — This isn’t the law, Harry!
The cunt seems tae think aboot this for a second or two. — You go with this fucking murdering old jailbird, who’s not even from here, he points at ays withoot looking at ays, which gits ma fuckin goat, — and you talk about the goddamn law. That is rich. You really are a piece of work.
I’m staring at him. The blood trickling slowly doon the back ay ma throat. I’ve never hated anything so much in ma life. Ah pull in a deep breath. — Uncuff ays, ah say, nearly in a whisper. — A fuckin square go then, ya shitein cunt.
The cop pervert looks at ays like ah’m a radge. He cannae understand a fuckin word. — What are you talking about, fool? Then he puts his gun tae Melanie’s head.
— Noo… Melanie shuts her eyes.
— Please… I hear a small voice coming fae inside ays. It’s no ma ain. It is ma ain. — Don’t hurt her. If you loved her like ye say ye dae, you cannae hurt her. Please…
— Tell her, Hammy screams at ays, his eyes doolally. — Tell her what you did or I’ll pull the fucking trigger!
Ma heid is startin tae clear n ma eyes ur getting intae focus.
Hammy pivots n slowly points the gun at me. At least it’s away fae Mel. — Now I’m gonna blow your fucking head off. You’re too much of a selfish asshole to deserve to see your kids grow up… or even your fucking wife grow up, you sorry old motherfucker, n eh turns tae Mel briefly before whiplashing back tae me. — You will never know what is gonna happen next: to her, or your kids. Tell me, how does that feel? His face is grinning right at ays.