Jerry glanced over at the seats his wife was talking about. A line of about a dozen wooden lounges stood on the patio between the cottages and the seawall that lined the beach. As they watched, a young man wiped the night’s dew from them and laid out heavy canvas pads and towels. “Aren’t those seats a bit exposed?”
“Exposed?” Kathleen said.
“To the sun,” Jerry explained. “I don’t want to get a burn. I was thinking of lying by the pool-under an umbrella-or maybe napping inside.”
“Inside? Jerry, we’re on an island in the Caribbean. No one stays inside unless it’s raining!”
“You’re the one who keeps telling me that I look sleepy.”
“You do look sleepy,” Kathleen agreed, looking guilty. “But we’re on vacation… and I thought… oh, I don’t know what I thought.”
Susan and Jed, simultaneously recognizing a marital argument in its formative stages, chimed in.
“I know just how Jerry feels. A long nap is on my schedule today, as well,” Jed spoke up.
“We need to remember to cover ourselves with sunscreen before we go out on the water, too,” Susan reminded Kathleen, hoping to change the subject and return to the relaxed conversation of a few minutes ago. “And are there life vests? In Maine we always wear life vests.”
“You know, I think that I did see someone wearing a life vest yesterday. We’ll ask James. We don’t have to go out very far, you know. The reef is only a hundred feet or so beyond the gazebo.”
“Reef?”
“Yes, there’s a gorgeous coral reef right out there. James told me all about it yesterday afternoon. That’s why I want to go out this morning. He said that the tide will be higher later in the day and it will be harder to see the fish and all.”
“Oh, Kath! A coral reef! I had no idea! I thought we were just going kayaking for the exercise. How wonderful! When is the best time to go? Now? Or should we wait for a bit?”
“I think an hour after eating is usually suggested,” Jerry reminded them. “That gorgeous blue expanse is the ocean, you know.”
“An hour. What can we do for an hour?” Susan wailed.
“There’s a really nice gift shop right next to our cabin,” Kathleen pointed out.
Susan smiled. “Perfect! Lead the way.” The women got up and set out for one of their favorite activities. But Susan, turning back to remind Jed where she had stashed the sunscreen when she was unpacking last night, was stunned to see the expression on Jerry’s face.
He had turned around so his back was to his friend and colleague and was staring out to sea looking completely miserable.
THREE
Susan used a touring kayak to cruise around the islands in Maine in the summer and she was accustomed to its smooth glide through the water, but the lightweight plastic kayak Compass Bay provided was another story. It bounced over the surf like seaweed bobbing on the waves. She found she could lean out and look into the water without fear of tipping over. There were colorful fish all around, but the biggest thrill was floating over the fabulous coral reef, which was clearly visible through the water. “This is incredible,” she said.
Kathleen was paddling by her side. “It is, isn’t it? James takes out groups of scuba divers every few days. They swim around and through the reefs. I wasn’t planning to sign up, but now that I see this…”
“I’ll go. And I know Jed won’t want to miss this.”
“I wish I could say the same for Jerry. Do you know, I think he really was planning on going back to our room to rest when we were on our way out here? I couldn’t believe it! I’m beginning to think there might be something seriously wrong with him.”
“You mean his health?” Susan asked, instantly concerned. Too many men of Jed and Jerry’s age were having heart attacks. As a wife, she wasn’t taking any chances. She might eat Häagen-Dazs ice cream herself, but she hid it on the bottom shelf of the basement freezer and offered low-fat frozen yogurt to her husband.
“No, his health is okay. I insisted that he get a complete physical the first week of January and everything’s fine.” She paused for a moment, slowly moving her paddle in and out of the surf. “I’ve been wondering if he’s depressed. You know, if he should see a psychiatrist.”
“Have you suggested it?”
“Not directly. Jerry’s too smart to believe that having problems with your mental health is anything to be ashamed of, but I don’t want him to think that I think there’s something wrong with him. I’ve wondered out loud if antidepressants would make life easier, when we’re watching TV and those ads come on, though.”
“How does he respond?”
“He just nods and sort of grunts like he isn’t listening too carefully. You know how men are sometimes.”
“I sure do. But, if you really think he needs to see someone…”
“I don’t know what he needs,” Kathleen said. The happy expression on her face when she’d been watching the fish had vanished, Susan noticed. “I know he’s unhappy, miserable even. But I don’t know why and I don’t know what to do about it. I just keep thinking…”
“What?” Susan urged her friend to continue talking. “What do you keep thinking?”
“I keep thinking that Jerry’s regretting getting married to me and… and having a second family.”
“Kathleen, that’s not possible. Jerry loves you and the kids! How could you even consider that?”
“I-there are lots of little things. He really is unhappy, Susan. He says it’s just problems at work and that they will clear up. But it’s been getting worse for over a month. And last week-” She stopped speaking.
“What happened last week?”
Kathleen was obviously having a difficult time discussing this. She took a deep breath and began. “I was looking for summer clothing to bring on this trip, so I went into the back of Jerry’s closet where he stores his golf shoes and things like that and I found a cardboard box full of photos of June and the girls. It was open as though Jerry had been going through it recently. I don’t resent it or anything, but when I found that-and then connected it to the fact that he’s been so depressed and not like himself at all-well, I just wonder what he’s thinking. His personality has really changed in the past few months. He’s even been shouting at the kids, and you know that’s not like him. Usually Alex and Emily get away with murder when he’s around.”
“The two things might not be connected,” Susan suggested. She heard the pain in her friend’s voice and wanted desperately to offer her some solace. “Or the box of photos might have been stored there and just fallen out. You know he must think about them sometimes.”
“Of course I do. We talk about them. And he talks to the kids about them, too. After all, Alex has had two of the teachers that Jerry and June’s oldest daughter had, and Emily has the same kindergarten teacher that their youngest girl had. Every once in a while someone who doesn’t know about the accident will assume that those girls are still alive and that Alex or Emily is a younger sibling. The kids have always had to deal with that, so of course they know about the accident. It doesn’t seem to worry Emily at all, although Alex is old enough to begin asking questions about his daddy being sad because of the deaths.”
“He’s a really levelheaded kid,” Susan said.
“I know. And I’m thankful for that, but when he has nightmares like he did the night before we left, I wonder if the tragedy that ended Jerry’s first marriage hasn’t affected him somehow.”
“And now you’re wondering if maybe it’s bothering Jerry, too?” Susan asked.