I looked at my fingers and waited as if the volition to act belonged to my hand and not my mind. Indeed, they seemed to move on their own. Sure enough, I could separate my fingers in the same way as Papa.
Papa still had his hand up in the symbolic position. He said, “Not everybody can do this. Know what it means? It means you are a Cohen.” He pronounced it CO-AIN. “The Cohens were the best Jews of the old days. They were the wise men, the healers, the generals. Of all the Jewish people, who were God’s chosen people, they were the highest, the best. I’m a Cohen. You wouldn’t think it to look at me. But I am. And you are too. You have my blood in you.”
Years later — much to my amusement — I saw an actor named Leonard Nimoy on the Star Trek television series make the same sign with his hand as a traditional greeting for his character’s alien species, the Vulcans, who seemed to have been thought up as a kind of crude version of a Jungian archetype to combine with the equally crude archetypes of Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy. [I used Star Trek as the subject of my paper on Jung’s theory of the Collective Unconscious. Not as a joke. I didn’t intend disrespect. As readers of my books know, I like to use modern popular culture to test the viability of psychological theory. For one thing, Freud and his disciples thoroughly mined the classics. For another, since contemporary culture is often a reaction to theory as well as a confirmation of it, the ore it yields, although perhaps corrupted by self-consciousness, has greater practical value to a therapist. And practicality, after all, is the great challenge that faces analysis in the next millennium.]
But I’m sorry to have broken the spell that my grandfather created at that moment on his deathbed. I didn’t know Leonard Nimoy would make the gesture foolish; I didn’t know that my grandfather hadn’t reproduced accurate Jewish lore in what he told me. All I knew for certain was that he had been dying moments ago and that I had wished him back to life while holding my fingers apart in that mysterious V.
We held up our hands in the sign of our genetic bond. Papa nodded toward the door, presumably to the house full of cousins, aunts, uncles. “None of them can do it. None of them have the Cohen blood. You’re the only one I know about.” My aristocratic V pressed against his. His palm was warm, and his eyes glowed, the same eyes that had looked so dead before.
For a time we touched like that. Finally, he folded his long fingers around my hand and pulled me close. He hugged me, squeezing my head awkwardly next to his while not rising from the pillows. There was something stiff beside his chest under the plaid blanket. He whispered into my ear, “Who gave you your name?”
Papa let me go to answer him. One ear was irritated from his embrace. I rubbed it while thinking. “My parents,” I said.
“Which one? Do you know?”
“My Daddy. It’s a Spanish name.”
“No, it’s a very old name. It’s a Hebrew name. Do you know what it means in Hebrew?” I shook my head. “It’s a good name for you. Rafael.” He almost said it the way my Latin relatives did: RA-FIE-EL. I preferred that pronunciation. The usual accent given to it by my friends, teachers or other non-Latin adults was RAY-FEEL. Papa said, “Ra-fie-el,” again. Slowly, lovingly, he said a third time, “Rafael. It’s a good name. And a very good name for you. I’ll tell you what it means. It’s a promise from Him.” Papa pointed to the ceiling. “It means: God will heal.” He stroked my head. “You’re a good boy. You will keep the Lord’s promise, Rafael.”
I was impressed by the intensity of his gaze, of his expectation. I wanted it to come true.
“You should go back,” Papa said as he withdrew his petting hand. “But first I have something for you.” He lifted the plaid blanket aside and revealed the stiff object I had brushed against a moment before: the Afikomen lay next to his frail body, wrapped in its satin-edged napkin. Papa extended it to me. “Your uncle said I should give this to the child who came to visit and showed me he deserves it. Do you know what it is?”
The look on my face must have been transparently happy; I can still hear Papa’s chest laugh at my reaction.
That was the last time I saw him. He said, “Go!” and away I ran. I ran wildly into the entrance hall, splitting a knot of cousins; I jumped over a startled Daniel as he inspected the living room cabinets; I dodged the seated, exhausted figure of my mother in the dining room, still talking about the scare over Papa; I bumped into Uncle Harry, who said, “Whoa!” and kept going, right up to the dark round face of Bernard Rabinowitz.
This time, when my uncle’s clever eyes focused on me, I held them without flinching.
“I found it,” I said.
He smiled: bright teeth against olive skin. “Good for you,” he answered.
CHAPTER TWO
The Triumph of Oedipus
TAMPA, FLORIDA, IS AS HUMID AS A STEAM BATH FROM LATE SPRING TO early fall. Even in winter the air is heavy. It is no accident that it was chosen by the cigar industry as a location for its factories. Tampa is an open-air humidor, as an eminent American writer pointed out. No need to fear the long green tongue of the tobacco leaf will dry out.
My mother and I traveled to Ybor City for the July 4th weekend in 1960. Papa Sam had died in May. Ruth didn’t take me to the funeral. Indeed, she didn’t tell me Papa Sam had died until late June, not until she could promise me that my father was returning from Havana and that he would meet us in Tampa in July. Years later, Aunt Sadie explained that my mother delayed informing me about Papa Sam’s death because she didn’t want to upset me while the next occasion for seeing my father was still uncertain. According to Sadie, without the reassurance of an upcoming meeting, my mother feared I would imagine my Daddy was dead since hers had died. Of course she was projecting her own worry about Francisco onto me. But it was not entirely fanciful on her part. She had reason to fear that her husband might be killed.
My father returned to the States before finishing research for his book because of the excitement generated by an article he had written for The New York Times Magazine about the Cuban revolution. The article provoked interest from publishers who wanted to buy my father’s book before its completion; he was to meet with the editors who had made offers. Meanwhile, Esquire had commissioned another piece that was due on the stands around July 4th, and some sort of primitive early media tour developed, mostly on radio.
Francisco was scheduled to do a radio call-in show in Tampa on July 2nd. He was to do two such programs in Miami on the 1st. More radio programs were set up in New York for later in the month. There was also talk of an appearance on the Dave Garroway show. I suspect, but don’t know, that Dad’s media appearances were encouraged by the Cuban government, which was desperate to counteract the mounting anti-Castro propaganda emanating from the White House. (Building support for the coming Bay of Pigs invasion, of course.) In any event, whether my father was or was not directly encouraged by Fidel’s government, the anti-Castro community in Miami, New York, and New Jersey had decided he was. There were threats both by anonymous letters to the Times and crank calls to the radio stations in Miami.