“You said she went to sleep — has she been fully conscious since she fell?”
“She was unconscious when we found her but she came to.”
Snake nodded. There was a deep scrape down Jesse’s side and a bandage on her thigh. Snake pulled the cloth away as gently as possible, but the dressing stuck with dry blood.
Jesse did not move when Snake touched the long gash in her leg, not even as one shifts in sleep to avoid annoyance. She did not wake from pain. Snake stroked the bottom of her foot, with no result. The reflexes were gone.
“She fell off her horse,” Alex said.
“She never falls,” Merideth snapped. “The colt fell on her.”
Snake sought the courage that had seeped slowly away since Grass was killed. It seem irretrievable. She knew how Jesse was hurt; all that remained was to find out how badly. But she did not say anything. Resting one forearm on her knee, head down, Snake felt Jesse’s forehead. The tall woman was sweating coldly, still in shock.
If she has internal injuries, Snake thought, if she is dying…
Jesse turned her head away, moaning softly in her sleep.
She needs whatever help you can give her, Snake thought angrily. And the longer you swim in self-pity, the more likely you are to hurt her instead.
She felt as if two completely different people, neither of them herself, were holding a dialogue in her mind. She watched and waited and was vaguely grateful when the duty-bound self won the argument over the part of her that was afraid.
“I need help to turn her over,” she said.
Merideth at Jesse’s shoulders and Alex at her hips, they eased her up and held her on her side, following Snake’s instructions to keep from twisting her spine. A black bruise spread across the small of her back, radiating both ways from the vertebrae. Where the color was darkest, the bone was crushed.
The force of the fall had almost sheared the spine’s smooth column. Snake could feel shattered chips of bone that had been pushed out into muscle.
“Let her down,” Snake said, with deep, dull regret. They obeyed and waited in silence, watching her. She sat on her heels.
If Jesse dies, she thought, she will not feel much pain. If she dies, or if she lives, Grass could not have helped her.
“Healer…?” Alex — he could hardly be twenty, too young to be burdened with grief, even in this harsh land. Merideth seemed ageless. Deep-tanned, dark-eyed, old, young, understanding, bitter. Snake looked at Merideth, glanced at Alex, spoke more to the older partner. “Her spine is broken.”
Merideth sat back, shoulders slumped, stunned.
“But she’s alive!” Alex cried. “If she’s alive, how—”
“Is there any chance you’re wrong?” Merideth asked. “Can you do anything?”
“I wish I could. Merideth, Alex, she’s lucky to be alive. There’s no chance the nerves aren’t cut. The bone isn’t just broken, it’s crushed and twisted. I wish I could say something else, that maybe the bones would heal, maybe the nerves were whole, but I’d be lying to you.”
“She’s crippled.”
“Yes,” Snake said.
“No!” Alex grabbed her arm. “Not Jesse — I won’t—”
“Hush, Alex,” Merideth whispered.
“I’m sorry,” Snake said. “I could have hidden this from you, but not for very long.”
Merideth brushed a lock of brick-red hair from Jesse’s forehead. “No, it’s better to know all this at once… to learn to live with it.”
“Jesse won’t thank us for this kind of life.”
“Be quiet, Alex! Would you rather the fall had killed her?”
“No!” Looking down at the tent floor, he said softly, “But she might. And you know it.”
Merideth stared at Jesse, saying nothing at first. “You’re right.” Snake could see Merideth’s left hand, clenched in a fist, shaking. “Alex, would you see to my mare? We used her badly.”
Alex hesitated, not, Snake thought, from reluctance to do as Merideth asked. “All right, Merry.” He left them alone. Snake waited. They heard Alex’s boots in the sand, then the horse’s slow steps.
Jesse moved in her sleep, sighing. Merideth winced at the sound, sucked in a long breath, tried and failed to hold back the sudden deep sobs. Tears glistened in the lamplight, moving like strung diamonds. Snake slid closer and took Merideth’s hand, offering comfort until the clenched fist relaxed.
“I didn’t want Alex to see…”
“I know,” Snake said. And so did Alex, she thought. These people guard each other well. “Merideth, can Jesse bear to hear this? I hate to keep secrets, but—”
“She’s strong,” Merideth said. “Whatever we hid, she’d know.”
“All right. I’ve got to wake her. She shouldn’t sleep more than a few hours at a time with that head wound. And she has to be turned over every two hours or her skin will ulcerate.”
“I’ll wake her.” Merideth leaned over Jesse and kissed her lips, held her hand, whispered her name. She took a long time to awaken, muttering and pushing Merideth’s hands away.
“Can’t we let her sleep any longer?”
“It’s safer to wake her for a while.”
Jesse moaned, cursed softly, and opened her eyes. For a moment she stared up at the tent, then turned her head and saw Merideth.
“Merry… I’m glad you’re back.” Her eyes were very dark brown, almost black, strange with her red hair and high complexion. “Poor Alex—”
“I know.”
Jesse saw Snake. “Healer?”
“Yes.”
Jesse gazed at her calmly, and her voice was steady. “Is my back broken?”
Merideth started. Snake hesitated, but she could not evade the directness of the question even for a short time. Reluctantly, she nodded.
Jesse relaxed all at once, letting her head fall back, staring upward.
Merideth bent down, embracing her. “Jesse, Jesse, love, it’s…” But there were no more words, and Merideth leaned silently against Jesse’s shoulder, holding her close.
Jesse looked at Snake. “I’m paralyzed. I won’t heal.”
“I’m sorry,” Snake said. “No, I can’t see any chance.”
Jesse’s expression did not change; if she had hoped for reassurance, she did not reveal disappointment. “I knew it was bad when we fell,” she said. “I heard bone break.” She raised Merideth gently. “The colt?”
“He was dead when we found you. He broke his neck.”
Jesse’s voice mingled relief, regret, fear. “It was quick,” she said. “For him.”
The pungent odor of urine spread through the tent. Jesse smelled it and turned scarlet with shame. “I can’t live like this!” she cried.
“It’s all right, never mind,” Merideth said, and went to get a cloth.
While Merideth and Snake cleaned her, Jesse looked away and would not speak.
Alex returned warily. “The mare’s all right.” But his mind was not on the mare. He looked at Jesse, who still lay with her head turned toward the wall, one arm flung across her eyes.
“Jesse knows how to pick a good horse,” Merideth said, attempting cheerfulness. The tension was brittle as glass. Both partners stared at Jesse, but she did not move.
“Let her sleep,” Snake said, not knowing whether Jesse was asleep or not. “She’ll be hungry when she wakes up. I hope you have something she can eat.”
Their frozen attention broke in relieved if slightly frantic activity. Merideth rummaged in sacks and pouches and brought out dried meat, dried fruit, a leather flask. “This is wine — can she have that?”