Deacon looked like he wanted to say more, but wisely nodded and backed out of the room.
Sighing, I turned around. “Alex—”
The spot she’d stood in was empty. Dammit. I should’ve known better. Yelling and threatening to choke the ever-loving crap out of Deacon in front of her hadn’t been wise. I kept forgetting that this wasn’t Alex.
This was a frightened girl.
My eyes scanned the room, stopping on the linen closet door. It was ajar, revealing a thin strip of darkness. She wouldn’t…
To think of Alex—my strong, beautiful and resilient Alex—hiding in a closet killed me. For a heartbeat, I couldn’t move or breathe. I’d done this to her—given her the Elixir, changed her into something that ran when voices were raised. And I wanted to blame Seth for his influence, the bond he’d forged with her that’d led us to this choice, but I’d been the one who’d forced the Elixir down her throat.
There wasn’t forgiveness for me.
Stamping down the whirling mix of grief and rage, I made my way to the closet and slowly opened the double doors. It was a deep closet, with several shelves on the top stocked with quilts. A few garment bags hung from a rail. My gaze dropped. Five tiny toes peeked out from behind a bag.
I closed my eyes and swore under my breath, and then I eased the bags apart. Alex’s foot jerked back, and I could hear her moving deeper into the recesses. Kneeling down, I found her pressed against the wall, knees tucked against her chest and eyes wide.
“Oh, Alex.”
She watched me warily. “My name is Alexandria.”
And just like that, all those days of drawing her out of the Elixir-induced shell were lost.
“Okay.” I sat down cross-legged and dragged my fingers through my hair, debating on how to proceed with this. Deacon used to get nightmares when he was a kid. He hadn’t hidden in the closet, but he had screamed like a furie. I used to read to him. Somehow I doubted that would work now. “Are you all right?”
A moment passed. “I do not like yelling.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” And I was. “But I would never hurt Deacon. He’s my brother.”
Confusion flickered over her face. “You said you were going to strangle him.”
I really wanted to strangle him now. “I didn’t mean it. Sometimes we say things we don’t mean when we’re upset.”
She appeared to consider that. “When you yelled, I saw something.”
“What?” I inched forward, careful not to startle her. “What did you see?”
Opening her hands, she stared down at them. The bishop was in her hand, leaving behind angry red marks from how tightly she’d been holding it. “Blood—there was blood on my hands, but it was not there. Not really.”
I had no idea what she meant by that, but I’d moved to her side while she’d been talking, and she hadn’t seemed to notice. I sat next to her, stretching out my legs in the cramped space. My shoulder brushed hers, and her eyes shot to my face, questioning and indecisive but not scared.
“Is there still blood on your hands now?”
Alex shook her head. “I heard something, too. It was a voice,” she continued softly. “It was important.”
My stomach sank. I didn’t like where this was going, what it would lead to. If she was starting to remember things, it meant she’d need another dose, another compulsion. And I’d just given the last dose two days ago. I sighed. “What is it?”
Her fingers twisted along the edges of the bishop. “You’ll kill the ones you love.” She lifted her gaze. Tears glistened in her eyes. “Have I?”
“Alex…” There weren’t words for this. Her lower lip started to tremble, and my heart squeezed. My mind was made up. “No. You’ve never killed anyone.”
She blinked and her voice was just a hushed whisper. “I haven’t?”
“No, agapi mou, you haven’t.”
Wiping under her eyes with her sleeves, she sighed. Pain brimmed underneath the surface, as did confusion. “I dream that I have, over and over again.”
I smiled for her even as I felt my chest constricting. “They’re just dreams. That’s all.”
Several moments passed, and then she pressed against me, wiggling until she wedged her body under my arm. She curled up, her head resting against my chest and my arms folded across hers. “You are very nice, even if you say mean things you do not mean.”
I shook my head, but I wrapped my arms around her. “Did I ever tell you about the first time I saw you?”
She shivered. “No.”
Closing my eyes, I felt her snuggle closer. My hand curled into the thick material of her sweater. I rested my chin on her head. “I was sixteen and you were probably fourteen.”
“I can’t remember fourteen.”
“That’s okay. I remember for both of us.” I counted to ten before I continued, making sure my voice didn’t give. “It was toward the end of the day and I was heading into the training rooms with a friend. Classes were still going on, and I was walking by the door—it was open—and I heard laughter. Something you don’t usually hear during training. I had to stop and see what was going on.”
It was the first time I’d seen her. No one could miss her. She was the smallest in the room, shorter and skinnier than all of her opponents, but that wasn’t why she stuck out. There’d been this impish grin on her face, an energy that was infectious as she’d bounced around the mats, circling a tall, blond-haired boy. The Instructor had been irritated, no doubt by her and the attention she was drawing from a pure and an entire class riveted on her. But once I’d seen her, I couldn’t look away. It was like being hit by lightning.
“You were training with Cal—with a friend—going through takedown moves. He kept trying to get the upper hand, but you kept laying him out, laughing the entire time. Both of you were laughing. That’s why I looked.”
“Did you know me then?” she asked sleepily.
“No.” I held her closer, as if I could somehow pull her inside me and keep her safe. “But I knew, in that moment, you were amazing.”
CHAPTER 9
APOLLO SHOWED UP JUST AFTER ALEX’S FOURTH DOS-age with no news. The Sentinels hadn’t reached New York. They’d stopped in Pennsylvania and scattered. The Khalkotauroi followed. Seth and Lucian were still outside of Nashville. From the look of it, their army had nearly doubled.
Having so many Sentinels willing to side with them wasn’t that surprising to me. They’d been offered something none of us had ever provided, and they were willing to die for freedom.
And there was a good chance they would, according to Apollo.
“Hades, Poseidon, and Demeter,” Apollo ticked the names off on his fingers, his eyes a vibrant blue. “And Ares, who is thrilled by the way, and Hermes, and Hera have all pledged war.”
“Hera?” I rubbed my chin. “At least we have Zeus.”
Apollo rolled his eyes. “That doesn’t mean much. He’s probably only siding with us to upset Hera, but we do have Athena and Artemis. That’s something.”
“So, they are willing to wait and see? To give us time?”
He nodded. “They do not want to see another war. Not after what happened with the Titans. So many mortals were lost during that time, and with the population now, the loss would be several times larger.”
And our only hope was that Alex could somehow break the connection with Seth and defeat him. I looked at the sleeping girl curled beside me on the couch. The outlook was bleak.
“And no one’s found anything to break the connection?”