‘Yes, astronomy too. But sometimes there are very curious things to be seen on the ground as well!’
He slapped his visitor on the shoulder in familiar fashion, choked on tobacco smoke and doubled over in laughter.
Erast Petrovich flushed bright red – he had seen it, he had seen everything! But what could Fandorin say now?
‘Bravo, Fandorin-san, bravo!’ said the joker, brushing away his tears. ‘Here’s my hand!’
The vice-consul shook the proffered hand very feebly and asked morosely:
‘What are you so pleased about?’
‘The fact that good old Algernon is a… what’s the English word, now… a cuckord!’
Erast Petrovich did not immediately realise that the word intended was ‘cuckold’. He asked with emphatic coolness, in order to bring the conversation back within the bounds of propriety:
‘But you said he was your f-friend.’
‘Of course he is! As far as a native princeling can be a white sahib’s friend.’ The Don’s sanguine features dissolved into a smile that was no longer jolly, but frankly spiteful. ‘Do you really not know, my dear Fandorin-san, that one of the greatest of pleasures is the feeling of secret superiority over someone who thinks he is superior to you? You have given me a wonderful present. Now every time I look at Bullcox’s snobbish features, I shall remember your magnificent leap from the window and the clothes flying through the air, and inside I shall be roaring with laughter. Thank you very, very much for that!’
He tried to shake hands again, but this time the dumbfounded vice-consul hid his hand behind his back.
‘Are you offended? You shouldn’t be. I have a proposal for you, a secret Japano-Russian alliance, directed against British imperialism.’ The Don winked. ‘And I am offering you an excellent base for undermining English influence. You see the little pavilion by the water? A fine, secluded spot. I shall give you a key to the gates, and you will be able to get in at any time of the day or night. And I shall present the lovely O-Yumi with a key to the gate in the garden. Make yourselves at home. Feast on love. Only one condition: don’t turn out the lamp and don’t close the curtains on this side. Consider that the rental charge for the premises… Oh, just look at his eyes flash! Oh! I’m joking, I’m joking!’
He burst into laughter again, but to Erast Petrovich these playful jokes about the exalted and fateful power that had bound him and O-Yumi together seemed like unforgivable blasphemy.
‘I will ask you never to speak about this l-lady and my relationship with her in that tone again…’ he began furiously, in a hissing whisper.
‘You’re in love!’ Tsurumaki interrupted with a laugh. ‘Head over heels! Oh, you unfortunate victim of jojutsu!’
It is quite impossible to be seriously angry with a man who abandons himself to such good-natured merriment.
‘What has jujitsu got to do with it?’ Erast Petrovich asked in amazement, thinking that Tsurumaki meant the Japanese fighting art that he was studying with his valet.
‘Not JUjitsu, but jOjutsu! The art of amorous passion. An art of which top-flight courtesans have complete mastery.’ The bon vivant’s gaze turned thoughtful. ‘I too was once snared in the nets of a mistress of jojutsu. Not for long, only a month and a half. Her love cost me thirty thousand yen – all that I had in those days. Afterwards I had to start my business all over again, but I don’t regret it – it is one of the best memories of my life!’
‘You’re mistaken, my dear fellow,’ said Fandorin, smiling condescendingly. ‘Your jojutsu has nothing to do with it. I have not paid for love.’
‘It is not always paid for with money,’ said the Don, scratching his beard and raising his thick eyebrows in surprise. ‘O-Yumi not using jojutsu? That would be strange. Let’s check. Of course, I don’t know all the subtle points of this intricate art, but I remember a few things that I experienced for myself. The initial stage is called “soyokadzeh”. How can I translate that, now… “The breath of wind” – that’s pretty close. The goal is to attract the attention of the chosen target. To do this the mistress of the art gives the man a chance to show himself in the best possible light. It’s a well-known fact that a man loves those who he believes should admire him more than anyone else. If a man prides himself on his perspicacity, the courtesan will arrange things so that he appears before her in all his intellectual brilliance. If he is brave, she will give him a chance to show that he is a genuine hero. Fake bandits can be hired, so that the target can defend a beautiful stranger against them. Or he might suddenly see a beautiful woman fall into the water from a capsized boat. The most audacious courtesans will even risk being maimed by conspiring with a riksha or a coach driver. Imagine a carriage that has run out of control, and a delightful woman sitting in it, screaming pitifully. How can you possibly not go dashing to assist her? At the first stage of jojutsu it is very important, firstly, for the target to feel that he is a protector and, secondly, for him to be inspired with lust for the huntress, not merely compassion. To achieve that she is certain to expose, as if by accident, the most seductive part of her body: a shoulder, a foot, a breast, it varies from one individual to another.’
At first Fandorin listened to this story with a scornful smile. Then, when he heard the words about a carriage running out of control, he shuddered. But he immediately told himself: No, no, it’s impossible, it’s just coincidence. But what about the torn dress, and the alabaster shoulder with the scarlet scratch? a satanic little voice whispered.
Nonsense, the titular counsellor thought with a shake of his head. It really was absurd.
‘And what does the second stage consist of?’ he enquired ironically.
Tsurumaki took a bite out of a large, luscious red apple and continued with his mouth full.
‘It’s called “Two on an Island”. A very subtle moment. The point is to maintain distance, while demonstrating that there is some special kind of connection between the courtesan and the target – they are bound together by the invisible threads of fate. For this purpose all means are good: the mistress of the art sets spies on the target, gathers information about him, and then many of the ladies also have a good command of ninso – that’s like your physiognomics, only far, far more subtle.’
The vice-consul turned cold, but the jolly narrator crunched on his apple and implacably drove needle after needle into his poor suffering heart.
‘I think they call the third stage “The Scent of a Peach”. The target has to be allowed to inhale the seductive aroma of the fruit, but the fruit is still hanging high up on the branch and no one knows whose hands it will fall into. This is to show that the creature provoking his desire is a living, passionate woman, not some incorporeal angel, and she will have to be fought for. At this stage a rival is certain to appear, and a serious one at that.’
How she rode past the consulate with Bullcox, leaning her head on his shoulder! Erast Petrovich recalled. And she didn’t even glance in my direction, although I was sitting right there in the window…
Oh no, no, no!
The Don squinted up at the moon.
‘How does it continue now? Ah yes, but of course! The “Typhoon” stage. Immediately after the despair (“alas and alack, she will never be mine!”), the courtesan arranges a lover’s tryst, completely without any warning. Absolutely breathtaking, employing all the secret arts of the bedroom, but not too long. The target must get the real taste of pleasure, but not be sated. After that comes the “Ayatsuri” stage. Separation resulting from insuperable difficulties of some kind. Ayatsuri is the way a puppet master controls a puppet in the theatre. Have you ever been to a bunraku performance? You must go, you have nothing like it in Europe. Our puppets are just like real people, and…’