“Yes, and the trick is to steal my money!” said the mayor.
“YES!” came a rumbled agreement from the assembled population.
“Do you know,” said Mactavish, turning desperately to Larry, “I think this old boy’s senile. He can’t see the point,”
“You really are a bloody fool, you know,” said Larry. “Obviously, he thinks that if you got the money out of his beard it’s his money.”
“But it’s not,” said Mactavish obtusely. “It’s my money. I palmed it.”
“We know that, you fool, but they don’t.”
We were now surrounded by a throng of wild-looking and extremely indignant members of the community who were determined to see that justice was done to their mayor.
“Give him back his money,” they all shouted, “or we’ll stop your benzina from leaving!”
“We’ll send to Athens for the police!” shouted one man.
As it would have taken several weeks to communicate with Athens and several weeks for a policeman to come back and investigate the thing — if, indeed, one was ever sent — the whole situation was taking on alarming proportions.
“I think, um...,” said Theodore, “the best thing would be for you to give him the money.”
“That’s what I have always said about foreigners,” said Donald. “Excitable. Rapacious, too. Just like Max here who is always borrowing money from me and never paying it back.”
“Now do not let us start to quarrel too,” said Max. “Dere is enough quarrel here for everybody.”
“Really,” said Larry, “Theodore’s is the best suggestion. You must give it back to him, Mactavish.”
“But it’s almost fifteen pounds!” said Mactavish. “And after all, it was only a trick.”
“Well, if you don’t give it back to him,” said Larry, “I think you’ve a very slim chance of getting out of here without being beaten up.”
Mactavish drew himself up to his full height.
“I’m not afraid of a fight,” he said.
“Oh, don’t be stupid,” said Larry in a weary tone of voice. “If all these stalwart young males go for you at once, you’ll be torn to pieces.”
“Well, we’ll compromise,” said Mactavish.
He took all the drachma pieces out of his pocket and handed them to the mayor.
“There,” he said in Greek, “it was a trick and the money was not yours, but nevertheless, in order that you shall buy yourself some wine, I am giving you half of what I got from your beard.”
“NO!” roared the villagers in unison. “You’ll give him everything!”
Mother, having got Leonora and Margo safely onto the boat, had come back to rescue me and was horrified at the sight of us surrounded by this threatening mob.
“Larry, Larry!” she shouted. “Save Gerry!”
“Oh, don’t be stupid,” Larry shouted back. “He’s the only one of us who’s not going to get beaten up.”
This was perfectly true because in such a situation only accidentally would any Greek hurt a child.
“I suppose we could all get into a corner and face it out,” said Donald. “It seems a bit much backing down to a lot of foreigners. I used to be quite good at boxing when I was at Eton.”
“Um..., have you, um..., er..., noticed that most of them arc wearing knives?” inquired Theodore, as though he were discussing some museum specimen.
“Ah, I know how to fight wiz a knife,” said Max.
“But you haven’t got one,” said Donald.
“True,” said Max thoughtfully, “but if you knock one of dem down, I could get his knife off him and den we could fight dem.”
“I don’t think that would be a very wise thing to do,” said Theodore.
During this, the uproar was still going on and Mactavish was still trying to persuade the mayor that they should split the proceeds of his beard fifty-fifty.
“Are you saving Gerry?” shouted Mother from the back of the crowd.
“Oh, shut up, Mother,” yelled Larry, “you’re only making things worse. Gerry’s perfectly alright.”
“I think, you know, judging from their tone of voice and the things that some of them are saying,” said Theodore, “that we really will have to persuade Mactavish to give the money to the mayor. Otherwise we’ll find ourselves in a rather unpleasant predicament.”
“Are you saving Gerry?” shouted Mother again from behind the crowd.
“Oh, for Christ’s sake!” said Larry.
He strode forward, seized Mactavish, delved into his pocket, produced the notes, and handed them to the mayor.
“Here! But I say! That’s my money!” said Mactavish.
“Yes, and it’s my life that you’re mucking about with,” said Larry.
He turned to the mayor,
“Now,” he said in Greek, “that is the money that this kyrios by his magic found in your beard.”
He turned to Mactavish, seized him by the shoulders, looked him straight in the eye and said,
“You are to nod your head hard to whatever I say to you, do you understand?”
“Yes, yes,” said Mactavish, startled by this sudden display of belligerence on the part of Larry.
“Well,” said Larry. He paused and placed his hand carefully over the part of Mactavish’s anatomy that presumably concealed his heart.
“Twas brillig and the slithy toves,
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All minisy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe. ”
Mactavish, not only startled by Larry’s sudden masterly command of the situation but also by the fact that he didn’t understand since he had never heard the poem before, nodded his head vehemently at the end of every line. Larry turned to the mayor.
“The kyrios,” he said, placing his hand once more upon Mactavish’s heart, “because he has a great heart, has agreed that you should have all the money, but on one condition. You all know how there are certain people that can find water in the ground.”
There was an “ah” of affirmation from the crowd. “These people are paid for their work,” said Larry. There was much nodding and “yes, yes, yes”. “But when they find the water,” Larry continued, “the water must belong to everyone.”
Now he was speaking a language they understood, for water and bread were the two life-giving things of any community.
“Sometimes the people who search for water find it and sometimes they don’t,” said Larry. “This kyrios sometimes finds money in people’s beards and sometimes does not. He was lucky that you have a good mayor here and that he found money. He found nearly nine thousand drachmas. Now, because he is a good man and a kind man, he has agreed not to charge his normal fee.”
There was an “ah” of pleasure, mixed with incomprehension at such generosity, from the crowd.
“But there is one thing he would ask you as a favour,” said Larry; “that the mayor spends this money for the good of the whole village.”
This was the point where the mayor looked extremely glum and the crowd applauded.
“Because,” said Larry oratorically, having consumed vast quantities of wine, and getting into stride, “when you find money, as when you find water, it should belong to everyone.”
The applause was so great that the few words the mayor mumbled were completely lost in it.
“I think, you know, perhaps now is the time to go,” said Theedore, “on a high note, as it were.”
We marched down the village street with the entire crowd following us, all of them jostling to pat Mactavish on the back or shake his hand. And so by the time we reached the jetty Mactavish was beginning to feel that he was the Mountie to end all Mounties and it had been well worth the loss of fifteen pounds to have this adulation. In fact, our take-off was delayed for some minutes because the mayor insisted on kissing him on both checks and embracing him, whereupon all the other elders of the village had to do the same.
At last he joined us on board, flushed with success.
“I told you, didn’t I?” he said, “it’s just a matter of knowing how to deal with primitive people.”