He looked at me with serious eyes. “Nothing here is evidence of a crime.”
Suddenly, I noticed how warm it was in there. Had someone turned off the air conditioning? I felt a little woozy again.
I thought a hug from Tony might be the perfect antidote, but that didn’t look likely.
“I need a drink,” I told him. “Can I grab a bottle of water from the frig?”
“Go ahead,” Tony said. I went into the smal kitchen and opened the refrigerator. A rush of warm air whooshed out. I looked around the side and saw that it was unplugged. Apparently, the air conditioning isn’t the only thing turned off when someone dies.
Al the fresh food had been removed. There was stil bottled water, but it was warm and unappealing.
Also left behind were a few other non-perishables, including a six pack of Budweiser beer, which I knew Al en would never drink. He must have gotten it for a guest.
Al en was always considerate like that.
Now, I felt like I was going to cry again. Which I was determined not to do in front of Tony.
“There’s nothing cold,” I said, coming back into the living room. Again, Al en’s absence weighed on me like an anchor. “Can we get out of here?”
“Sure,” Tony said. “There’s a bar right down the street. Why don’t we get something to drink?”
We walked without speaking and were there in five minutes. About twenty men and women stood by the bar, laughing and flirting. Framed pictures of famous athletes lined the dark wood wal s. Cigarette smoke and the wails of Aerosmith fil ed the air. If this place were any straighter, I’d melt like a vampire in daylight. We took a quiet table in the back.
Tony went to the bathroom. When the overly made-up waitress came over I ordered bottled water for myself and beer for him. It was waiting when he got back to the table.
“Hey,” he said, after taking a huge gulp of his beer, “didn’t I tel you not to tempt me with alcohol on the job?”
I couldn’t talk about Al en anymore. I didn’t want to think about death and suicide and murder. I just wanted to flirt with this man I’ve pined for since before I had pubic hair. I wanted to see where it would take me.
I bit my lower lip. “Funny,” I said, “I remember something about temptation, but that wasn’t it.”
Tony rol ed his eyes.
“Anyway,” I added, “you can only tempt the wil ing.”
Tony leaned closer to me. “You know what I did after I left your place last night?” he asked. “I went home and fucked my wife’s brains out.”
“Hmmm, what do you suppose had you al worked up?”
“Actual y,” Tony picked up his beer again, “I fuck her brains out every night. That’s my point, Kevin. I’m straight.” He drained his glass and signaled the waitress for another.
I wondered if he wasn’t trying to get drunk enough to fuck my brains out tonight. Not that I’d mind.
“Listen,” I said. “If you cal ed me here to reject me again, mission accomplished.”
“No, I didn’t. I’m sorry. I cal ed you because I wanted you to understand what happened to Al en. I didn’t want you making yourself crazy that he was murdered. But as far as the stuff between us,” his voice dropped a couple of decibels, “I don’t want to lead you on. It’s just… you know how you get me al worked up. I mean, defensive. Even when we were kids, you were always looking at me, always wanting something.”
“Yeah, wel, we’re not kids anymore. And now you know what I want.” I gave him the ful works: Took off my glasses, flipped my hair back and ran my tongue over my lips.
“I know.” He loosened his tie a little more.
“And you are tempted, right?”
“Maybe a little.”
“Just a little?”
“You know I real y cared about you, right?”
“Enough to break my heart?”
“You weren’t the only one with a heart,” he answered.
“Could have fooled me.”
“But now there’s someone else’s heart I have to think about.”
If I had to hear about his wife one more time, I was going to scream.
Just then the waitress brought Tony’s beer over, giving him a long stare. “Anything else I can get you?” she asked.
“No, thanks,” he said, not even looking up.
She stood a moment longer. “ Anything?” She thrust her hips out. This bitch was about as subtle as a hysterectomy.
“I’m fine,” he said to her. Then to me, “So, what were you up to tonight when I cal ed you?”
Wel, I thought, I was just headed home after being bound and lightly spanked by a harness-wearing accountant who wouldn’t hurt a whore. “I was kind of tied up.”
“Do you have somewhere else you need to be?”
An occasion to say a line I rarely use. “I’m free.”
“Good, because I wanted to tel you something else about Al en.”
Ugh. I real y wanted to be done with that topic by now. I knew I wasn’t going to convince Tony I was right until I could come up with some kind of evidence. And I was tired of hearing him always tel ing me I was wrong.
“Go ahead,” I said.
“I’m going to share something with you, but it’s off the record, OK?”
I mimed pul ing a zipper across my lips.
“When I got to the station this morning, the captain wanted to talk to me. Turns out that Al en’s death is not an entirely random thing.”
That got my attention. “What do you mean?”
“There’s been a rash of suicides in the gay community lately. Six in the past three months.
Almost al of them were guys with no history of depression, no il nesses, none of the usual warning signs.”
“How do you know they weren’t murders?”
“In most of the cases, the evidence was pretty clear. There were a few notes, too.”
“I thought you said those weren’t that common.”
“They’re not. But they’re not unknown, either.”
“I don’t understand what this has to do with Al en,” I said. “Suicide isn’t contagious.”
“No, but it can spread. We see it al the time in col eges, high schools, social groups.”
“Yes, but that can only happen if people know about the suicides,” I said. “I haven’t heard anything about these.”
“We’re trying to keep it quiet,” Tony answered.
“And the families general y don’t want the death listed as a suicide, either, so that helps keep it out of the papers. But that doesn’t mean that these guys didn’t travel in the same circles, or know of each other.” Tony handed me a list of names. “Any of these familiar?”
I looked at six lives lost to despair. “No.” I went to hand it back to him but he waved it away.
“Keep it. Maybe something wil come to you,” he said.
I put the list in my wal et.
“But, you couldn’t say that Al en didn’t know any of these guys, right?” Tony asked.
“No.”
Tony finished his second beer. “I’m just saying I want you to be careful.”
“Careful of what?”
“Careful that nothing happens to you.”
“Careful that I don’t catch suicide? Don’t worry, I’ve had my shots.”
“That’s not funny.”
Unbidden, the waitress came over to replace Tony’s beer. “There you go, honey,” she told him. If she stuck her breasts out any further, she’d poke his eyes out. Meanwhile, my long-finished soda sat unnoticed in front of me.
“Uh, hi,” I said to her. “Two people sitting here.”
She ignored me. “You sure I can’t get you something to eat, honey?” she asked Tony. I could swear I saw smoke rising from her pelvis.
Tony shook his head and gave her a steely cop’s glance that sent her scurrying away. I felt like applauding.
“Kevin,” he said, “there’s no evidence that anything other than a suicide took place in that apartment. I spent my entire day talking to his neighbors. Nothing.”
“Fine,” I told him. “I’l figure it out.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, if the police won’t do their jobs, then I wil.”
Tony took another long swal ow of beer. His glass was almost empty. That made three beers in ten minutes. “I’m not hearing this.”