CHAPTER 14
The future is decided by battles, and it is not finished except by them.
Saviar perched on a familiar rocky outcropping south of the Fields of Wrath, watching the sun crawl toward the western horizon, trailing streaks of silver. Gradually, the sky diffused into its sunset hues: bands of pink blossoming into orange and saffron, then melting into greens and exploding, farther out, into a vast spectrum of blues and purples. Saviar managed a smile at the display, his first in at least a week.
Focused fully on nature's artistry, Saviar allowed the annoyances of the last six months, since the Northmen's arrival, to disappear into the recesses of his memory. Nothing existed except this grand tableau; everything human seemed insignificant in comparison.
"I thought I'd find you here."
The voice startled Saviar, and he found himself on his feet with sword drawn in an instant. The darkness gathered around a small man: swarthy, black-haired, and familiar. "Subikahn?" he whispered, barely daring to hope.
"Do you always greet your long-gone brother with bared steel?"
Saviar sheathed his sword and caught his twin into an exuberant embrace. "Subikahn! You're back." He laughed loudly, his troubles fully forgotten. "I missed you."
"And I you," Subikahn replied in a muffled voice. "But I'd still rather you didn't suffocate me."
Saviar released his twin, subsumed by excitement. "Sorry. Sorry."
Subikahn smoothed his tattered tunic, speckled with mold and bits of leaf. He looked thinner than Saviar remembered. Twigs tangled into his long, soft locks. Darkness bagged beneath his eyes, and scratches marred his cheeks. He reeked of sweat and filth.
Finally, Saviar responded to his brother's greeting words. "How'd you know you'd find me here?"
Subikahn studied the horizon, dropping into a crouch on the rocks. "Because we used to come here when we felt troubled and needed a distraction or some time alone."
Saviar looked back at the parade of colors radiating from the horizon as the last edge of sun sank beneath it. "What made you so sure I'd feel troubled?" It was an apt description, but Saviar doubted word of Erythane's unrest would have reached all the way to the Eastlands.
"Well." Subikahn did not bother to look at his brother. "First, testing day is approaching. If you want to become a man half as much as I do, you're brooding about that. And second, I'm distressed; and you're my twin. So you have to suffer whenever I do."
"I do?" Saviar had heard people claim that twins had an unholy, emotional bond but had never believed it.
"Sure." Subikahn made a gesture but still kept his gaze on the sunset. "We match in every other way, don't we? Why not in mood?"
Saviar laughed, and it felt good. No two brothers, let alone twins, had ever seemed more different. "Whatever's bothering you will seem less significant over a good meal with family."
"No."
The response caught Saviar off his guard. "No, what?"
"I can't go with you. I was given explicit instructions. I'm not allowed to 'run to Mother.' "
"Explicit instructions? Run to…?" The words made little sense to Saviar. He seized Subikahn's shoulders and forced the smaller man to face him. "All right, Brother. Start explaining."
Finally, Subikahn met Saviar's gaze. Then, he lowered his head and stared at his shoes instead. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't. I don't ever want to talk about it. With anyone."
"Subikahn, we shared a womb."
"Yes."
"And nearly everything else."
"Yes."
"So why not this?"
Subikahn remained silent for several moments, then finally managed. "I don't know."
"Oh."Torn between hurt and rage, Saviar debated his next course of action. "Did you come to… to test?"
"To test… yes." Subikahn struggled to raise his head again. "And to see you. I wanted to talk to you. I did. I really thought I could, but I can't. Not yet."
"Oh," Saviar said again, not certain where to go with the conversation. Pressing too hard seemed counterproductive. If Subikahn gave up his secrets under pressure, he might resent doing so, which could lead to permanent discomfort between them. Better to wait and give Subikahn the time he needed.
Subikahn steered the discussion in another direction. "What's bothering you, Savi?"
"Bothering?" Saviar tried to hide his own anxieties, not wishing to further burden Subikahn. "It's just… just the testing. I'm just worried about the testing. Don't know what I'll do if I fail again."
"Yes, you do."
Saviar had expected commiseration, not bravado. "I do?"
"Same thing you did last year. Practice harder, and try again next time."
Saviar rolled his eyes. "Well, yes. I suppose so. But isn't there a point where one just… when it's time to realize you're just not… ever going to be competent enough… to…"
Subikahn nodded. "Yes, but it's not at eighteen, Savi. That's just the average age of passing. Many don't succeed until well into their twenties."
"Well, yes, but Mama-"
"Mama is aberrant."
Taken aback by Subikahn's word choice, Saviar could not help laughing again. "And Calistin?"
"Weirder still. Need you ask?"
That reminded Saviar of the only fun news he had to share. "You're not going to believe this. Calistin…" He could not keep himself from chortling, unable to finish. "Calistin…"
"Yes?"
Saviar forced out the news, "… has a… a… a…"
"Yes?" A touch of impatience entered Subikahn's tone.
"… a bodyguard." Saviar collapsed into a frenzy of mirth.
Though surely utterly confused, Subikahn could not help laughing along with his brother. "What?" he finally managed.
"This Erythanian kid latched on to Calistin. Calls him Hero and tries to protect him from everything. And I do mean everything."
"Erythanian? Is he competent?"
"He's a competent pain in Calistin's rear end. He's like all of ten years old, skinny as a stick, and probably never saw a sword before he met Calistin. Constantly under his feet, fetching him things, cheering him on. It's hilarious." Saviar could not help laughing again.
Subikahn snorted, still smiling. The dirt on his cheekbones cracked, as if he had not worn any kind of happy expression for a very long time. "I'm surprised he hasn't killed the little bug."
"I think Calistin sees him as one more challenge." Saviar ran with the insect analogy. "If he can remain the best swordsmen in the world with this blackfly buzzing and biting him, that makes him even better."
"What else is new since I left?" Subikahn seemed genuinely interested for the first time since his arrival.
Saviar saw that as a positive step, a way to drag Subikahn from his funk, perhaps far enough to share his own troubles. "Thialnir has chosen a successor."
"Really? Who?"
"Me."
Subikahn laughed harder. "Funny."
"Extremely," Saviar admitted. "But nonetheless true."
"You? Representing the Renshai?" Subikahn shook his head, teasing. "What a terrible thought."
Saviar winced, his heart suddenly as heavy as the growing darkness. He knew his brother meant the words as a joke, but he could not see the humor in it. "I wish I'd said 'no.' "
Subikahn caught Saviar's hand. "I was only kidding, Savi. You'll do great. I can't think of anyone I'd rather have representing us at Bearn's council." He nodded suddenly. "No wonder you're so worried about the testing."
"Yes, that's why mostly," Saviar admitted, giving Subikahn's hand a brotherly squeeze. "Subikahn, don't tell anyone this: I might deliberately fail."
"What! You can't do that! No one-" Subikahn sputtered wordlessly.
Saviar shrugged. "I already made my first leaderly decision, and it was a bad one. A very bad one."
Subikahn freed his hand to loop the arm across Saviar's shoulders and pull him down to a sitting position. The gesture was more suggestion than purposeful. A head shorter than his brother, Subikahn had to stand on the tips of his toes just to reach, and he did not have nearly the strength to force Saviar anywhere.