I also made zero mention of the possibility of a syraza bodyguard. I knew her too damn well, and it would be way too easy for her to say No to the whole thing before I summoned Steeev. Sure, I was being devious and underhanded, but Jill was too important to me to take any chances on her hormone-enhanced stubbornness.
I found Eilahn as she exited the front door, a big smile on her face.
“You seem awfully chipper,” I noted somewhat warily. Eilahn could be delighted over the oddest things. “What’s up?”
“I am certain that Paul will enjoy decorating for the Fourth of July celebration day,” she announced. “We must plan to be on Earth! He is very enthusiastic.”
I eyed her dubiously. “He told you this?”
“No, he did not need to,” she said with a sly and knowing smile. “When I gave him the box from the delivery personage, he threw the bumpers into the air with such abandon that I recognized him instantly as a fellow Earth celebration enthusiast!”
Demon logic. No. Eilahn’s logic. “Riiight,” I said. “Probably had nothing to do with the laptop he ordered yesterday.” I frowned. “Wait. What are bumpers?”
She held up a pink anti static packing peanut between her thumb and forefinger, as if it was a delicate treasure. “They are superbly suited for Valentine’s Day, are they not?” She let out a wistful sigh. “We missed it this year. I will come to agreement with Paul on conservation and storage of the bumpers for the next occurrence.”
“You do that,” I said, unable to keep a smile off my face at her enthusiasm. Paul would have his hands full if she drafted him into her Excessive Decorations Committee, yet I found it awfully charming that she’d taken the young man under her wing.
Her expression became grave, and she laid her hand on my arm. “I have a deeply serious request.”
Anxiety spiked. “What is it?”
“There are many items I require for the comfort of Fuzzykins in her gravid state,” she told me. “I cannot leave you to acquire them. Will you accompany me to the pet supply store?”
The look of delight and hopeful pleading in her eyes shot down any possible argument I might have mustered. “Sure,” I said with a sigh. “Why the hell not?”
“Excellent!” she all but squealed. “I will return at once so that we may depart!” With that, she ran off toward the woods, “bumper” in hand, and I abruptly had a weird vision of a secret hoard of Earth treasures in a hollow tree, and the bumper in a place of honor between a corncob holder and a losing lottery ticket.
“I need to shower first!” I called after her, but she was already lost amidst the trees. I shrugged and headed inside, doing my best to shut out the garish mental image of the porch festooned in red, white and blue.
Chapter 27
After half an hour in the pet store with Eilahn I began to look back fondly on my last visit to the dentist.
More toys. Treats. A special blanket. A cat bed—selected only after Eilahn poked, prodded, sniffed, and rubbed her face against every variety available. Brushes and combs—and I had to seize her arm to keep her from trying them out. By the time she trundled her shopping cart down the food aisle I was ready to snap.
“Eilahn, here’s cat food,” I said with a slightly manic smile as I grabbed the first bag available. “It’s a big bag! We won’t have to shop again for ages. It’s even on sale!”
She looked over at me with a very serious expression. “I will get organic Kitty Cuisine Niblets for Fuzzykins,” she informed me primly. “She is eating for seven and superior quality nutrition is critical.”
“Seven?!” I released the bag and stared at her, aghast. “Wait, there’ll be six copies of her running around, glaring and hissing at me?”
“Yes! Is it not wonderful?” she exclaimed, beaming. “I am still deciding on the names.”
My horror increased. “Are you planning on keeping them all?” I shook my head frantically. “No no no. You have to find homes for them.”
Her lovely brow furrowed. “I would not send them away if they do not want to go.” She frowned. “That would be barbaric.” Then she lifted her chin. “Whether they choose to go or remain, they need names.”
“Call them all Fred,” I suggested with a glower as we continued down the aisle.
“As they only have limited telepathic communication, that would be extremely confusing for them,” she stated as if lecturing a three-year-old. “Names are special. Unique.”
I groaned. “Telepathic . . .” I shook my head to rid it of the horrifying concept. “You’re telling me that Fuzzykins is okay with being called Fuzzykins?”
“Certainly!” She gave me a look as if wondering whether I suffered from some form of mental disorder. “I would not speak a name for her that brought her distress.”
I was saved from more talk of telepathic cats by the ringing of my phone. A Beaulac PD number. “Kara Gillian,” I answered.
“Hey, Gillian, it’s Marcel Boudreaux,” the familiar nasal voice said. “You busy right now?”
“Nope, whatcha got?” I said. Eagerly. Malfunctioning stop light? Cockroach invasion? Crowd control at a 90%-off shoe sale? Anything to get out of this store.
“Got a detective here from St. Long sheriff’s office with some questions about one of your old cases.”
“Yeah, I can come by,” I said. “I’m only about five minutes away.”
“See you in five then,” he replied and hung up.
“Okay, enough cat toys, Eilahn,” I told her. “Need to go to the PD.”
She balanced a large box atop the rest of her haul. “A fresh water fountain is not a toy,” she lectured. “It is for optimal health, well-being, and happiness.” She indicated the words on the box.
I felt a twitch forming in my left eye. “Fine. Let’s get it and go.”
To my relief she headed for the check out. As soon as she was done I jogged to the car and popped the trunk open, while she proceeded at a more leisurely pace.
“You seem distressed,” she said as she carefully tucked the fountain, cat bed, food, toys, and all the other paraphernalia into the trunk. “Do you want me to drive?” She closed the trunk and gave me a calm smile, though I caught the wicked humor in her eyes.
Yep, my demon bodyguard was a smartass.
I decided I wouldn’t dignify that with a reply and climbed into the driver’s seat. I was even nice and waited for her to get in the car before I drove off.
There was no street parking to be found, and the visitor’s lot was full, so I finally cheated and found a place in the far corner of the detective’s lot. To be safe, though, I quickly traced an aversion ward on the hood, just in case anyone decided to ticket or tow it.
Eilahn lingered in the foyer while I headed through the familiar Investigations door. A sharp twinge of nostalgia went through me as I walked down the hall with its stained tiles and cheap wood paneling and ever-present scent of burnt coffee.
My former sergeant, Cory Crawford, wasn’t in his office. A vaguely familiar young man earnestly typed away at his laptop in the closet-sized room that used to be mine. He’d been a road cop, I realized as I passed by. Must have snagged the promotion when I left.
Yet as soon as I passed the open doorway I had to stop and take a several deep breaths. I wasn’t a cop anymore. I’d known it before, but now the truth of it hit me hard in the gut. Not a cop. I wasn’t really a consultant for the FBI either. What the hell was I now? A summoner? That didn’t adequately describe it. Not anymore.