Within an instant my door swung open, Connor came rushing over, scooping me up into a hug. His tender fingers repetitively stroking my face gently. I sat encaged in the arms of Connor sobbing endlessly. My head pressed against his bare chest. Tears spilling uncontrollably.
“Sssshh… sssshh, it’s okay. What’s wrong Evie, what happened?”
I could tell he was genuinely scared. I couldn’t talk. My speech impaired by the quiver of my lips. My body tremouring into submission. My words lost to the shock of my dream.
Connor engulfed me further in to his arms, caressing my back with his thick fingers. The sensation was surreal. My body started to unwind under his touch. My breathing began to regulate under his sweet embrace. My body melted into his arms.
“Talk to me sweetheart.” The way he used that term of endearment so naturally made the hairs on the nape of my neck stand to attention.
“I just had a bad dream”.
“Must have been one hell of a bad dream, you scared the shit outta me,”
I nodded in agreement.
Connor walked out of my room and I was left feeling deflated. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to close my eyes and see him again, tormenting me with his vulgar smile.
“Hey you okay?” he said as he walked over to me. With one single movement he had scooped me up into his strong bare arms and carried me to my bathroom. Steam was rising from the hot bubble bath.
“I thought you may want a bath? I heard lavender is calming, so I poured some of it into the water. Thought it might be what you need.”
“Thank you.” This was the first time in years I had felt special or taken care of. Without thinking I dropped my silk night dress to the floor. Stepping out of it and straight into the bath. The water was sublime, encasing my body into the milky warmth of my surroundings. Sweet lavender scented the air bringing my mind back in to peace.
“I should um go. Shit sorry. I didn’t do this to see you, you know, naked”. He turned his back to me and started to walk out of the bathroom. Wow. Under the glow of full light, Connor looked physically sensational standing just in his black boxer shorts. His back was tightly toned. I wondered what it would feel like to trace my fingers over every inch of his body.
“It’s ok, I know you didn’t. I should have thought too. Would you mind sitting with me though? I could do with the company. I don’t want to be alone.”
He pulled a towel from the rail and placed it on the honey gold oak flooring. He slouched down resting his back against the white tiled wall with his knees bent and arms resting on top of them.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I hesitated. Did I want to talk about it?
“Every now and then, I see his face, I just have flash backs. Not often, but they catch me off guard. I am sorry I scared you, I didn’t mean to scream the house down.”
“Don’t ever apologies Evie. You said you see his face, who is he?” The tone of Connors voice was bitter. I could pin point the moment each muscle in his body clenched. The white of his knuckles pressing through his tightly bound skin. His eyes darkening with apparent protection for me.
“Is it ok if we don’t talk about this? It’s history and I really don’t want to drag it up.”
I could see he wanted to ask more. He didn’t press me though. Anger in his eyes, but he respected my wishes. I was touched by his interest in asking what my dream had been about. It was heart warming to see his reaction to my misfortune. I had told no one the details of that day, not even Henry. And I wanted to keep it that way. Henry never pried, when I had woken up in a similar way previously he accepted my explanation of it being a bad dream. He never asked any further so I never told him. I didn’t lie, it had just been a bad dream, a horrifically bad dream. I just never elaborated. As his violence was the trigger I didn’t want him having anymore of a hold over me. My memories were just that, memories, not his hold over my life.
I tilted my head back dropping all of my hair into the water. Losing my eyes and feeling the water glide over me. As I lifted back up I saw Connor’s eyes watching me. He was sat right next to the bath. Just inches from me; completely naked. I checked the positioning of the bubbles. Relived to have confirmation I was covered by them. He silently reached over and lifted the shampoo bottle from the side. He tipped it allowing the creamy liquid to pool into his huge palm.
“Let me” the words rolled from his tongue so softly. I wanted his touch so I nodded. His hands sunk into my wet hair massaging the shampoo into my scalp and throughout the lengths of my long brunette hair. His touch was firm but gentle. I couldn’t help but let out a moan as my body melted under his touch. His hands paused for a moment as I heard his breathing increase, he had felt it too. I imagined his motions playing out over various parts of my body. Firm enough to warrant mind blowing orgasms, but gentle enough to know he was caring for my body. A heavy pulsing sensation crept between my legs. My body was eager for him but my head knew I was with Henry.
“I’m going to get washed and then get out now”, I smiled hoping he would take the hint.
“I’ll wait outside for you.”
I stood up and reached for the soft newly laundered fluffy cream towel and wrapped it around my body. The scent of vanilla covering my damp skin. Looking into the mirror I saw my reflection, for once I wasn’t shocked by my reflection, something had changed. I looked happy. Intoxicated but happy. I was thinking about Connor. I wiped away my thoughts and slipped on a fresh night dress from the cupboard. As I walked out through the bathroom door I could see Connor standing there in the hall, back pressed firmly against the wall. Patiently awaiting me. His eyes widened and mouth parted as he looked over the silk and lace which hung from my body. The silky midnight blue fabric clung to my breasts finishing just below my buttocks, edged in delicate lace. I felt empowered by the reaction I was causing Connor to have. I glanced down and smirked as I saw a tent appear in his boxer shorts. He caught my gaze.
“Shit, sorry, um” he blushed and turned around muttering something to himself.
“It’s ok, don’t worry about it”. I smiled at him and touched his arm. The touch sent surges of intense lusting through me. I may have felt it but I would never indulge in it, I was not that kind of woman.
Connor followed me into my bedroom. As I slipped into my brass king size bed I saw Connor standing in the doorway. He looked deep in contemplation. The light flicked off.
Footsteps crept towards my bed and I felt Connor slip under the sheets and lie down next to me. I curled onto my side, my back to him. He pressed his body against mine, wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me tighter into him. Our fingers entwined. Our bodies as one.
“I’m here with you, don’t be scared just close your eyes and sleep.”
His soft lips met with the nape of my neck. “Goodnight Evie”.
My eyes fluttered and I drifted off into a peaceful sleep, he made me feel safe. This was my serenity.
Chapter 7
I awoke to the sunlight breaking through the sheer silk of the bedroom curtains. The heat of the morning rays against my skin made it unbearable to lie here any longer. I felt the comfort of two strong arms holding me tightly. His warm skin pressed against mine. I glanced behind me and saw Connor peacefully asleep. I edged my way out of his arms trying cautiously not to wake him. As I slipped out of bed I ran to the bathroom.
Reality intrudes, crashing down around me. This is far beyond my rational way of thinking. I have a man in my bed, a man who is in any case not Henry. How the hell could I have done this? I ran the cold faucet and splashed cold water across my burning forehead trying in desperation to wake myself up from this dream of purgatory. I had to deal with the consequences of my unjustified, oestrogen fuelled, intoxicated state of despair ridden actions and remove Connor from my bed. Immediately.