“Oooh you look as good as I feel,” Lucy let out a croak.
“You sound as good as I look,” I said with my head hanging over the sink.
I wrapped myself in my bathrobe huddling the soft towelling around the bottom of my lobes. The warmth was bittersweet.
“Is everyone still here?”
“Just us. Saw Connor leave about ten minutes ago,” She winked.
I rolled my eyes.
“Travie and Mitch left just after midnight, they grabbed a ride with Jake and Daisy.”
“Daisy? What happened to Callum… And where’s Lex then?”
An indecent grin spread across her face. “Probably in Callum’s bed right about now”.
Giggles erupted from us both.
“At last!”
As we walked downstairs the smell of stale pizza and wine turned my stomach. Dry gagging burned the back of my throat. I had nothing left to expel.
A bang at the door made us jump. What the hell.
I swung the door open wondering who the hell would be here this early.
“Hello Maam, I am Chloe and this is Beth. We are from Merry Maid cleaning services”.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t arrange any cleaners. I do apologise”.
“Courtesy of Mr Ryan. Here maam, this if for you”. She handed me a small white envelope. “Will just be getting our equipment from the van”.
I opened it and there was a small handwritten note enclosed
Sorry I couldn’t stay to tidy. Thank you for last night. Connor x
“What’s that?”
“Oh nothing, Connor just arranged cleaners as him and the guys ditched. I slipped the note into my bathrobe pocket. “Fancy a cuppa then?”
“As long as you’re making a bacon sarnie with it too, I need a hangover cure”.
I turned the gas on and place the smoked bacon into the pan. The smell was… was… oh God. I turned and managed to meet the kitchen sink just in time. More liquid spilled from me. Lucy let out a hysterical laugh. “Someone have a bit too much to drink, eh”.
“Leave me alone”. I pouted. “Your gonna have to make your own bacon sandwich. My stomach can’t handle anymore gagging.”
Tea slipped down the back of my throat, soothing the burning path that my body had caused. I could feel the warm trail running down my throat and hitting my empty stomach.
“So what happened to you last night? Connor and you seemed to have disappeared all night. TO-GET-THER”. Her murderous eyes staring at me with anticipation. “He really likes you,” she added.
“He asked me to consider him. He told me he really likes me and wants to protect me”. I paused and inhaled deeply. “I had sex with him.” I whispered and closed my eyes at my declaration of moral misconduct.
“And?”
Her question threw me. I was awaiting a stern bollocking. “What do you mean and?”
“And, have you considered him? Did you feel something when you got jiggy with him?”
“Yes… maybe………. I don’t know”. I sighed. “I am really confused. Last night, he was everything I wanted, he still is. He was everything and more. But this morning… He just left. I think he got what he wanted so has hung me out to dry… I just feel so, stupid, used. What am I going to do Lucy?” Sobs erupted. A sense of loss enveloped me. I had never felt so used. But what else did I deserve. I had bought this on myself.
Lucy’s arms swarmed around me. Holding onto me whilst each sob ebbed its way out. Each one a representation of my hurt, my loss, my stupidity.
“I can’t believe I was so stupid.”
“You can’t spend the rest of your life being unhappy Evie. You’re not your mum. You can be happy with the right man. You don’t have to settle for the safe option”. Safe? Henry the safe option. That was the last thought that came to mind when I think of Henry. Dangerous seems more in keeping with his personality.
“Lucy, he doesn’t want me. He left, he used me and left. I was just having jitters with Henry. I know you think he is controlling but I have a good life, and he loves me. I can’t ask for more.”
“Oh Evie, Connor really like you, there must be a reason he left?”
“Even so, It’s not right. I love Henry. Perhaps this is the wakeup call I needed.”
“Ok hun. I am sure you know what you are doing. No one will judge you if you change your mind”.
“He is all I know. I can’t delve into the unknown. Connor is a fighter. He will tour the world. He has a different woman every night and I have just added myself to his growing concern. How would that be for stability? He has congregations of women at his every move. I can’t compete with that. I don’t think I would be able to deal with it. It is an indulgent fantasy, and I don’t even think he wants me.” “It may be indulgent but why would you be having the fantasy if Henry were what you really wanted?”
“Don’t Lucy”. I spat out.
“Okay, I am sorry. I won’t mention it. Just remember I am here if you need me”.
Three more days until Henry is home.
Chapter 15
Henry was due home today. I hadn’t heard from Connor in three days. My heart and mind battled over my moral altercation. For three days I have had to look at myself realising what a stupid hypocritical woman I have been. What was more concerning is the hurt of not hearing from Connor, for him making love to me and leaving me burned me more than anything Henry has ever done to me.
A mixed concoction of inadequate feelings soared through my body. I was going to forgive Henry for this. I had too, I was no better. This was just an unexplored path that a majority of men pre-wedding explore. Consequently with my wayward irrational lack of desire to give him the sexual indulgence he needed pushed him into this affair. So I told myself. This was a mistake of his that could be rectified. I would be the woman, correction, the wife, Henry needed.
I was making this conscious decision to forgive him. Every bone in my speculative body required answers. I needed to rationalise this. I needed to give myself clear concise reasoning as to why the man who wanted to spend his life with me could do this. How could I expect this? I was just as unfaithful. I slept with Connor. What is more disconcerting is that I wanted too. I enjoyed his lips on mine. The feeling of him inside of me. How could I expect place blame on Henry for his misdemeanours when I was unwilling to inform him of mine?
My body lurched forward. I felt the bile rise in the back of my throat. All of this worrying was making me physically sick. I ran to the basin and allowed myself to expel every ounce of my stomach into the running water. I couldn’t deal with this angst much longer. Our Wedding was in thirteen days. I needed to marry him knowing I could be enough for all of his needs.
I lay back in the garden hammock. The tranquillity was exquisite. The sky was piercing blue with hues of white scattered clouds floating. Warmth from the sun encapsulated me and I allowed myself to delve into the world of my fictitious romance novel.
“Hey Baby”. Henry caressed my cheek.
“Sorry I must have fallen asleep”. I looked into his eyes and I felt undivided anger towards him. “How has your trip been?” I couldn’t hide the sarcasm from my voice. Sitting up in the hammock I stepped down and walked towards the patio table.
“It’s been good thanks. Did you have a good couple of weeks?”
“Not too bad. I would assume yours was better?” I hissed.
“You’re still pissed at me for going then I take it? It was work Evie. Fucking work. Grow up”.