‘There’s something you need to know,’ he said heavily. ‘Nikki told me tonight that her father is dead.’
Laura stopped and faced him, horrified.
‘She said what?’
‘She was showing me some family pictures, and when he disappeared from them she said, “My daddy’s dead”.’
‘Oh, no,’ she breathed. ‘He didn’t die. He walked out.’
‘Do you ever hear from him?’
‘Not since the divorce. He doesn’t stay in touch.’
‘Christmas? Birthdays?’
‘Not a word, not a card. I suppose it’s easier for her to think of him as dead than neglectful.’
‘Any chance she actually believes it?’
‘No, if he was dead, I’d have told her. She must know that.’
‘So it’s her way of comforting herself.’ Gino sighed. ‘I’m not supposed to have told you this. She said you didn’t know that she knew, and she didn’t want to worry you.’
‘Oh, God, she’s so sweet and generous.’
‘Yes, she is, but I’ve betrayed her confidence. I had to. I couldn’t have kept a thing like that to myself-’
‘Of course you did the right thing. But I’ve been so stupid. Why didn’t I see it coming? How could I have left her exposed to this?’
‘Hey, hey, don’t blame yourself,’ he said urgently. ‘You didn’t expose her to this. He did.’
‘But I should have thought. Oh, heavens!’
Her voice was husky with tears and she buried her face in her hands. Gino put his arms about her, holding her tightly while she wept.
‘It isn’t your fault,’ he said again. ‘You’re her mother, but you can only do so much. There are things you can’t make right for her, however hard you try. You can see them coming, but you can’t get out of the way.’
‘But I could help her through them. I’ve got to get home quickly, and talk to her.’
‘No, don’t.’ In his agitation he took her arms and drew her around to face him. ‘Stop and think. What are you going to tell her, that I betrayed her confidence?’
‘Confidence? She’s an eight-year-old child-’
‘Even a child likes to be treated with respect. Right now, she feels she can talk to me.’
‘But why not me?’
‘Because you’re her mother. I’m not involved so it’s easier for her to talk to me. As long as she trusts me, maybe I can be of some use to her, and to you. Laura please, don’t do anything to make her stop trusting me.’
He felt some of the tension go out of her, and she sighed, nodding.
‘You’re right,’ she said in despair. ‘I should have thought of that.’
‘You’ve got to stop blaming yourself for everything. You keep saying you should have done this and you should have done that, but you can’t do it all. No one can. Let someone else share the load.’
She gave a wry laugh.
‘There’s never been anyone to share it with.’
‘You’ve got me now,’ he reminded her gently.
She gave a shaky laugh. ‘Yes, I have, haven’t I?’ She put her arms about him and kissed him on the cheek. ‘How did I ever manage before you arrived? The best kid brother I never had.’
‘What do you mean, kid?’
‘I’m three years older than you. That makes you my kid brother. And, like most kid brothers, you can sometimes be a pain in the butt, and at other times be pretty marvellous.’
‘Yes, I finished the shelves,’ he said at once.
‘I didn’t mean-oh, you!’
He hugged her. ‘Come on, let’s go home. Your baby brother is starving.’
He made spaghetti and tomato sauce, which they ate together at the kitchen table.
Laura got out the photo album and he went through it again.
‘You were a real looker, weren’t you?’ he observed.
‘Yes, I was-the dim and distant past.’
‘That’s not what I-’
‘Oh, shut up!’ She thumped him amiably and he just managed not to drop tomato sauce on the album.
‘You can tell so much from old photos,’ he mused. ‘People’s past selves, sometimes even they’ve forgotten what they were like-and there they are.’
‘What about you? Don’t you have any record of your past self?’
She felt him tense.
‘Not here with me.’
‘Not one little picture of the younger Gino?’
After a moment he said quietly, ‘All right.’
He went up to his room and returned a moment later with a picture that he put into her hand.
It showed Gino, with flowers in his disarranged hair, looking mildly tipsy, his arm about the loveliest young woman Laura had ever seen. She was blonde and elegant, with the kind of supreme assurance that roused Laura’s envy. She and Gino were laughing at each other against a background of coloured lights and revelry.
Laura studied her, wondering if this was the answer to Gino’s habit of seeming to live life at arm’s length. He was always good-natured and kind, but she knew now that he kept the world at a distance, never quite involving himself in the moment.
‘I’ve never seen you look like that,’ she said, her eyes on the brilliant young face. ‘Not just happy, but throwing yourself into everything and hang the consequences. You learned caution after this.’
He nodded.
‘Was it very long ago?’ she asked.
‘Last year. A thousand years. Another universe.’
She sighed. ‘I know what you mean. You never know what’s waiting for you just around the corner, do you?’
‘I guess not.’
‘Thank you for showing me.’ She handed him back the picture and he took it without a word.
After that they went on talking about nothing much until it was time to go to bed. It was cosy, unexciting, the kind of evening Gino would once have despised. But, bit by bit, he found he was losing the appetite for anything livelier. He could not have said why.
The next evening Laura had another stint in The Running Sheep.
The first hour was busy and she was run off her feet, but at last the crowd thinned out and she was able to turn her attention to a man who had been waiting patiently at the far end of the bar.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said.
‘Don’t worry, I can see how it is.’ He gave her a pleasant grin.
He was about forty, with a reassuring solidity, but he was also handsome in a slightly cinematic way. His hair was thick and fair, his eyes deep blue, his features regular, only just beginning to blur.
She served him a whisky and he took it with the same charming grin, raising the glass in salute.
‘Have one with me,’ he said.
‘Thanks, I’ll have an orange juice.’
After that, if she had a free moment she returned to him. His name was Steve Deyton, and he was making frequent visits to the neighbourhood, with a view to setting up a factory making stationery products.
‘I don’t know anyone in this area,’ he said, ‘and there’s very little to do in the evenings. I’ve been here several times, hoping you’d notice me, but you never did.’
She laughed. It was a familiar gambit, and one to which she had a standard repertoire of answers. In fact she had noticed him, but she wasn’t prepared to say so. Not yet. She gave him a light-hearted reply, and went away to serve someone else.
At the end of the evening he asked if he could give her a lift home.
‘Thank you, that would be-’ Laura stopped, her attention caught by something she saw in the corner. ‘No, I don’t think so. Thank you anyway.’
He followed her gaze. ‘I see. A boyfriend?’
‘No,’ she laughed. ‘My brother. Goodnight.’
Laura put on her coat and headed for the corner.
‘Hey,’ she said, shaking Gino’s shoulder. ‘Wake up.’
‘Hm? Oh, hello.’
‘It’s time to go.’
He looked at the half full glass of beer.
‘It’s flat,’ he mourned. ‘How long since I dozed off?’
‘I don’t know. I didn’t know you were here.’
‘No, your boss served me. All right, I’m coming.’