Condoms can also help prevent pregnancy, but they are by no means foolproof because they can be used improperly, or they can break or tear. There are other methods of birth control that women and men use to prevent pregnancy. Some types of birth control kill sperm in the vagina (spermicide), some block sperm (condoms, diaphragm), and some prevent a woman from ovulating (birth control pills, shots, patches) or prevent an egg from settling into the endometrium (intrauterine device and other hormonal methods like birth control pills). While birth control helps prevent pregnancy, the only 100 percent effective way to avoid pregnancy is to not have sex. Using birth control requires a lot of self-control and planning, and it can be costly. If you are or plan on having sex, you need a birth control plan, and you should talk to your parents, another adult you trust or your doctor. Don’t just let sex happen without a plan for protecting yourself from unintended pregnancy and infections.
The take-home message: The only 100 percent effective way to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections is to avoid sexual intercourse and other sexual activities that put you at risk. But there are plenty of other things you can do to enjoy a romantic relationship. Stay tuned!
Is That All There Is to It?
Well, kinda sorta. That’s sex in a nutshell, the good and the bad, the nuts and bolts, birds and bees part of it, at least. But as the rest of this book points out, sex is never just the nuts and bolts. It has major emotional, physical and relationship effects—many of which are wonderful, provided you are physically and emotionally mature enough to have sex. And it has the most awesome, amazing power in the world: to create a new life! Girls with Girl Power not only understand the how-to’s of sex, they respect the awesomeness of that tiny little word.
PART THREE
There’s More to Sex!
9
Sexuality:
Good News, Bad News
So girls, here's the scoop: Despite all the rumors and whispers, it's not all about sex! And better yet, you don't have to "do it" to be sexual or sexy. While we are rumor bashing, we also want to remind you one more time that most young teens do NOT have sexual intercourse. That doesn't mean they aren't sexual.
All people are sexual whether or not they have sex. How can that be? It has to do with this bigger thing called sexuality.
Feeling Sexy?
By now, you know that your body and your brain are going through some major changes. That means you are having some thoughts and feelings that are new to you, and whether you want to admit it or not, some of these feelings are sexual. It’s another one of those things that happens to you. You can’t help it, so don’t freak out when it happens. It’s normal! You are supposed to be having sexual feelings. It’s what you do with those feelings and urges that matters!!!
What types of sexual feelings do young teens have? Mostly you’re probably very curious. You want to know more:• About your body • About other girls’ or boys’ bodies • About sex
You may want to look at pictures or read about sex. You may be attracted to boys or girls in a different way than just friendship. You may feel like you want to hang out with your crush all the time, to hold hands or to kiss.
So What Is It?
Sexuality includes a lot of important stuff: like how comfortable you are with your own body and how you enjoy it; like intimacy, which is physical and emotional closeness with another person; like sexual identity which deals with the way you feel about being female and how it affects you sexually; like the consequences of sex and how prepared you are to deal with all of them; like the use of sex to have power or control over other people.
Sexuality is about more than an action or “doing it,” it’s about values, beliefs, emotions and attitudes. That’s a lot to cover, so let’s break it down.
You Are Sexual Whether You Like It or Not
As we’ve said over and over:Maturing sexually is a major part of being a teenager. It’s a big task. One of the most important things for you to do during this process of maturing is to notice and appreciate the amazing changes that your body is making.
Lots of girls don’t feel good about their bodies. They may buy into all the “beautiful” people advertisements in magazines or on TV that make us think that our bodies should look like Barbie. Do you know how many girls actually have a body like the ones you see in the ads? Less than 1 percent . . . and many of those girls and women are unhealthy. We’ll talk more about the media and how it affects us in chapter 10.
Girls also might have confusing feelings about their body because all these changes are happening so fast and they have NO control over them. Like to be in control? We do! Well, by eating healthy and getting some type of exercise every day, you can have a little more control about how well your body works. Remember, how your body works is so much more important than how it looks.
Horny?!
Now, the way your body works sexually involves more than periods and vaginas and clitorises. That’s just the “plumbing.” What really drives us sexually is our feeling of desire—desire to be close to someone, desire to touch and be touched, desire to explore sexual feelings. Another word for desire is libido, but when a person has sexual urges, most teens call that feeling “horny.”
Interestingly, nobody ever seems interested in talking to teens about their sexual desire. Everyone just seems to expect you to “just say no.” Well, feelings are one of those things that just happen to you; you can’t help it. As early as the start of puberty, sexual desire is a feeling that just happens to pop up from time to time.
Speaking of popping up . . . boys have an advantage here. When they have sexual desire or sexual thoughts, they get an erection. It’s like a flag going up to say, “Hey dude, you’re noticing something sexual, and I’m here to point that out!” Is there a similar flag for girls? We don’t get such an obvious “pop up” (thank goodness!). For girls, the signal is more subtle and brainy—kind of like we are anyway, right?
When girls have sexual feelings, the major signal comes through our thoughts—stuff like, “I want to hold your hand,” or “I want to think about marrying you,” or “I want to kiss you,” or maybe, “I want to ride a horse on the beach with you.” Sexual thoughts are never harmful, but acting upon them is where the risks can occur. So go ahead, enjoy your thoughts, picture yourself kissing your favorite movie star, think about marrying your crush, daydream about your true love all you want. It’s normal.
Skin Hunger
Another part of desire that you may also be noticing is a physical thing that can be called “skin hunger.” Teen girls and boys are very huggy and touchy sometimes. Your parents probably satisfied your skin hunger when you were a child—all that cuddling and loving and sitting on their laps. Now that you are spending less time with parents and more time with friends, it’s normal to look to your friends for that special touch. It’s also normal to sometimes want to be touched or hugged by your boyfriend or crush.