“I’d best find out then,” he said, releasing the hand, which he’d been holding in a kissing rather than a shaking grip. “Ladies, if you’d just be patient a bit longer…”
Cressida looked as if she might be about to assert that in her view patience was for monuments but subsided as his gaze locked with hers for a second before passing on to the ambulance crew.
“Detective Superintendent Dalziel,” he said. “What’s going off, lads?”
“Nothing for us here.” The driver glanced towards the women and lowered his voice. “Just body removal, and your lot don’t know when that will be authorized.”
“So you thought you’d shog off home?”
“No! We got an all-units call. Big pile-up in fog on the bypass.”
“Oh aye? Then what are you still skiving round here for?” demanded Dalziel.
Indignation at the injustice of this rose in the ambulance men’s eyes, decided it didn’t care for the view, and dived back under.
“Right, we’ll be off then,” said the driver.
The ambulance pulled away. Kay Kafka put her arm as far round the Earth Mother as it would go. The other two women exchanged a glower then concentrated on the Fat Man’s retreating figure. On the doorstep the Handsome Sailor had been subdued, but only after Bonnick had been reinforced by the arrival of PC Maycock. For the moment peace was restored.
“Right, sunshine,” said Dalziel. “What’s going off then, apart from bloody chaos?”
“How should I know?” retorted Pascoe. “I just got here myself. I’m not psychic.”
“Hoity-toity,” said Dalziel. “See you brought the family. Little Rosie’s in the back of the car, is she?”
“No, she isn’t. I just happened to be picking up Ellie when I heard the call.”
“So none of that lot’s with you?”
“Well actually, Cressida-she’s the one with the hair-it was her house I was picking up Ellie from…”
“So you said, ‘Fancy a lift, luv?’ Kind of you, Peter. Gets the Force a good name. Did you pick up the others en route?”
“Of course not,” said Pascoe indignantly. “They all turned up after I got here, which was when the trouble started. How the hell did they get past Jennison on the gate anyway?
“How owt gets past yon bugger, I don’t know. Man can’t have any self-respect to let himself get in that shape,” said Dalziel sanctimoniously. Perhaps, thought Pascoe incredulously, he sees himself as slim!
“Any road,” he went on, “I gather there’s a body in here and I’d say this gang have all turned up ’cos they’re worried it’s Pal Maciver. So let’s go in and see if we can put them out of their misery. Or do I mean into it?”
He strode towards the front door. As he passed Ellie he said, “What fettle, luv? Enjoying your night out?”
“Always a pleasure watching professionals at their work, Andy,” she replied.
Pascoe said to her, “Look, I’m going to be tied up here for a while. Why don’t you take the car and head off home?”
“Before I find out what’s happened? You’re joking. Besides, Cress might need me.”
“I thought that was why I had to pick you up early,” said Pascoe.
He caught up with Dalziel at the door.
“You all right, Sergeant?” the Fat Man said to Bonnick.
“Fine, sir.”
“Good. And how about you, son?”
Dunn said, “Look, I’m sorry-I was out of… but I was worried-we’d heard that… and he didn’t show, so I thought that… that… that…”
He stammered to a halt. He really was Billy Budd, thought Pascoe.
“What’s your problem, lad?” enquired Dalziel. “Apart from not being able to finish sentences? Here, don’t I know you?”
“I don’t think so-please, I didn’t realize…”
“Yes I do. Rugby club. You sometimes turn out for the seconds, right? Open side? But you can’t play regular because of your work, or summat?”
“That’s right. I teach PE at Weavers and that means my Saturdays are pretty well spoken for.”
“PE, eh? That explains about the sentences. Pity, but. You looked a lot better prospect than yon neanderthal that plays for the firsts. No finesse. Kicks folk right in front of the ref. Any of them ladies back there belong to you?”
“That’s my wife, Helen… the pregnant one.”
“That right? Planning to get all your family over at once, are you? So she’d be Helen Maciver as was, right? Now Mrs Dunn as is. I’m getting there. Mrs Kafka I know. And yon Cressida, I remember her. The other is…?”
“Sue-Lynn, Pal’s wife.”
“Oh aye. All here then. Some bugger must’ve sent invitations.”
“Is Pal in there?” said Dunn pleadingly. “Has something happened to him?”
“I’ve no idea. Any reason to think it might have done?”
“No. I mean, he didn’t turn up… we play squash on Wednesday evenings and when he didn’t show…”
“Stood you up, did he? And that makes you worry something’s happened to him? I see. People stand me up, it’s when they do appear that something’s likely to happen to them. Maycock, you reckon you can keep this mob at bay?”
“No problem, sir.”
“Good lad. Sergeant, lead on. Let’s see what all the fuss is about.”
“Please, can’t I come with you?” pleaded Dunn.
“Nay lad,” said Dalziel kindly. “I think most likely you’re under arrest. Often happens when you assault a police officer. That right, Sergeant?”
“Yes, sir,” said Bonnick.
“Don’t worry too much, but. It probably won’t delight the governors at Weavers but it will really impress the kids. Now I’m going to give you a choice. You can either sit in a car handcuffed to the wheel till we’re ready to deal with you, which could be hours. Or you can promise to be a good boy and go and take care of that poor wife of thine before she explodes. Which is it?”
“No more trouble, really. I’m very sorry,” said Dunn.
“Good lad. Off you go. Now, Sergeant, fill me in.”
He listened carefully to Bonnick’s digest of events as they entered the house and climbed the stairs, only interrupting to ask, “What made Tweedledum and Tweedledee come up the drive in the first place?”
There was a slight hesitation before Bonnick said, “Just a random check, I think, sir. Also some of the girls bring their punters up these driveways, I believe, and we’ve been doing a bit of a blitz on kerb crawlers recently.”
“Very conscientious pair of officers, then,” said Dalziel. “You’re lucky to have them.”
The old sod knows that most likely they were skiving, thought Pascoe, but he wouldn’t have rated Bonnick if he’d said so.
When they reached the landing, he saw a uniformed inspector standing by a door with a splintered frame. This was Paddy Ireland, a small, rather self-important man, whose trousers always looked as if they’d been re-pressed after he put them on. He turned and acknowledged Dalziel with a parade-ground salute. Behind him through the doorway Pascoe could see a man in a white coverall whom he recognized as Tom Lockridge, one of a small group of local doctors registered as police medical examiners. He was looking down at a man slumped at a desk. At least Pascoe assumed it was a man. Too little of the head remained to make confirmation certain at this distance.
“Poor bastard,” said Dalziel. “Any ID?”
“Haven’t been able to check, sir,” said Ireland. “Thought it best to disturb things as little as possible till SOCO had got their photos.”
“There’s a car parked round the back of the house,” said Bonnick. “Blue Laguna estate, registered owner Mr Palinurus Maciver, who’s also the designated keyholder of the property, so it seems likely…”
“Let’s not jump the gun, if you’ll pardon the expression,” said Dalziel. “Dr Lockridge, how do? What can you tell us?”
Tom Lockridge had emerged from the room. He didn’t look well.
“He’s dead,” said Lockridge.
“Don’t reckon you’re going to get any argument there,” said Dalziel, peering towards the shattered figure. “But it’s always good to have these things confirmed by an expert. Saves us laymen wasting time with the kiss of life. You wouldn’t like to give us just a bit of detail, but, Doc?”