"No!" shouted Arthur. He pushed Sneezer's silver tray and proffered coffee cup aside and walked away. "Didn't you listen to anything I said? I want to fix my leg and go home, and then I don't want to be bothered again! Haven't I done enough?"
"You must control your temper," said Dame Primus. "It is not fitting for the Rightful Heir to have a temper tantrum in front of -"
"I am not having a temper tantrum," Arthur said as coldly as he could manage. "I am letting you know that I want my leg fixed and then I am going home."
"That would be extremely unwise," replied the Will. "You can only return if you give up the Second Key, and if you do that, you will be unprotected. The danger is even greater than before. It is clear that the other Days are exploiting loopholes in their Agreement and actively working against you. Superior Saturday's Dusk is believed to have been here, for example -"
"I think I met him," said Arthur. "He killed Yan, and all the Grotesques died. With a single thrust. But I wounded him and he ran away. For some reason he wanted to -"
"You see," interrupted the Will. "I even think that they might flout the Original Law and strike against you in the Secondary Realms."
"Well, you should try and stop them here," said Arthur. "I have to go home. I want my regular life back!"
"That is not possible," sighed the Will. "However, if you insist on returning, then it shall be so. But you must appoint a Steward for the Second Key, as before."
"Okay, I appoint you," said Arthur. He stripped off the gauntlets that were the Second Key and handed them to Dame Primus.
"This is most unorthodox," said Dame Primus. "But I suppose? repeat after me? I, Arthur, Lord of the Far Reaches, Master of the Lower House, Wielder of the Second and First Keys to the Kingdom?'"
Arthur gabbled the words. He had the curious sensation that if he could get away quickly enough then everything would be all right, that he wouldn't be caught up in anything else.
"I grant my faithful servant, the combined First and Second Parts of the Great Will of the Architect, all my powers, possessions, and appurtenances, to exercise on my behalf as Steward, until such time as I shall require them rendered unto me once more. There, finished!"
Dame Primus took the gauntlets and carefully put them on. They shed a ruby light as her fingers went in, and rose petals fell from her palms.
"A nice gesture," said Dame Primus approvingly.
"Can you fix my leg now?" asked Arthur anxiously. He pushed it forward so that its foreshortened length and twist were obvious.
Dame Primus bent down to examine it. She frowned and held out her hand. A pair of pince-nez appeared, which she fixed to the bridge of her nose before looking again.
"How did this happen?"
"I broke my leg falling on the pyramid," said Arthur. "Then I fixed it with the power of the First Key, the power that was left in my hands."
"Ah," said Dame Primus. "Then there is a problem."
"A problem?" whispered Arthur. "Can't you fix it?"
"I can use the First Key to reverse what you did. But then your leg will be broken, and as it will effectively have been broken by the Key, it cannot be mended by any magic that would not transform you completely."
"Transform me?"
"Into a Denizen. You would no longer be mortal, which I gather you still wish to be. The Architect knows why!"
Arthur thought about how much his leg had hurt when he'd hit the pyramid. He thought about his life. His regular life. He wanted it, every boring bit that he'd ever complained about. New school and all.
"If that's what it takes," he said slowly. "But I still want to go back. Only? if I can go straight back home, that would be good. I don't want to be lying around with a broken leg in the street."
"I am sure that can be arranged," said Dame Primus. "There is now no reason not to use the Front Door. In fact, I shall make a point of using it, and at the same time post warnings with the Lieutenant Keeper that you are to be left alone."
"The Lieutenant Keeper?" Arthur said, suddenly struck by a thought. "Does he come under the Lower House? I mean, he said something about there being no Captain Keeper for ten thousand years. Was that because of Monday not signing something? Why don't we? you just promote him?"
"The Captain and Lieutenant Keeper are appointed by all the Days," said Dame Primus. "The current Captain Keeper is merely missing, so cannot be replaced until his fate is determined, if it ever is."
"Oh," said Arthur. "I owe the Lieutenant Keeper a favor, so I thought maybe? also, there are a couple of Denizens who helped me here. If you can, give them good jobs. A new indentured called Japeth, who used to be a Thesaurus."
"A Thesaurus is always useful," said Dame Primus. She nodded to Monday's Noon, who bowed to Arthur and made a careful note in a little linen-bound notebook.
"And a Supply Clerk called Mathias." Arthur glanced over to the bench where Suzy was now attacking some sort of cream-filled pastry.
"And Suzy, of course. I could never have done any of it without her. Maybe you could give her a holiday or something like that?"
"Suzy is always taking holidays," replied Dame Primus. "Whether she should be having them or not. But some reward can doubtless be discovered through negotiation."
"And Tom," added Arthur. "The Captain. Please don't have him arrested."
"Very difficult character to arrest," muttered Noon. "Shouldn't like to try it myself. Amazed Grim Tuesday managed to capture him."
Dame Primus gave Noon a quelling glance.
"Since you ask, Arthur, we shall not bother the Mariner unless he bothers us or comes to our attention in such a way that we cannot ignore his transgressions."
"I think that's everyone," said Arthur. "Let's get on with it. How do we get to the Front Door?"
"Transfer Plate," said Dame Primus. "To Doorstop Hill in the Lower House. Now, where have they gotten to? Sneezer!"
Arthur started again as Sneezer stepped out from behind him.
How had he gotten there without me noticing again?
"I have two Transfer Plates, ma'am," said Sneezer, placing two quite ordinary-looking yellow-and-white china plates on the grass. "The Combe pattern. Miss Blue has the third plate for her cakes."
Suzy was already hurrying over, stuffing a cake in her mouth while she wiped the crumbs off the plate she was carrying. She put it down next to the others.
"Where are we going?" she asked cheerfully, with her mouth full.
Dame Primus grimaced and looked away.
"Doorstop Hill," she said. "Arthur is going home.
You simply step on the plate, Arthur. Not too briskly. With Grim Tuesday deposed, all lines of communication - and credit, I am pleased to say - are open once more between here and the other regions of the House. Noon, you are in charge here until I return."
With that, she stepped on the plate in front of her and vanished. Arthur was about to step onto his plate when Suzy fell against him and gripped his elbow.
"Oops!" she said loudly, but at the same time she slipped something in his hand and whispered in his ear, spraying his neck with crumbs.
"Captain told me to give you this. Don't let the old madam see it."
She pushed herself upright and stepped on her plate. Arthur was tempted to open his hand and see what he'd been given, but Noon was watching, so he stepped on his plate too.
And took another step onto the grassy slope of Doorstop Hill.
The Lieutenant Keeper was waiting by the Front Door. A huge door of dark wood that stood between white stone gateposts on top of the green hill that overlooked the Lower Atrium. Arthur glanced up at the glowing ceiling and the many beams of light that shot back and forth between the ceiling and the town below. He knew better than to look at the Door directly. You could see too much in the Door and easily go mad.