“What were you thinking about just then?” he asked quietly. She had been silent for several minutes.
“I was just thinking about my brother. He's so impossible at times, and he always upsets my father. I love him, but he's just not a responsible person. He got back from China a few weeks ago, and he's already in Vienna, playing and giving parties. We all worry about him in the family. He just refuses to grow up, and for now he doesn't have to. But one day he will, and if he doesn't, it will be just terrible.” She was going to add “for our country,” but she caught herself and didn't.
“I assume that's why so much is expected of you, and why you feel you have to go home and help your father with the business. What if you didn't go home, and stopped enabling your brother? Maybe then he would have to grow up and take some responsibility off you.” It was a sensible solution, and an unfamiliar subject to him. His own brother had been a remarkable student, and was a highly respected physician with a wife and three children. It was hard for him to relate to the tales she told him about her brother.
“You don't know my brother,” she said, smiling sadly. “I'm not sure he'll ever grow up. I was only five when my mother died, he was fifteen, and I think it upset him very badly. I think he runs away from everything he feels. He refuses to be serious or responsible about anything.”
“I was fifteen when my mother died. It was terrible for all three of us, and you could be right. My brother went a little crazy for a while, but he settled down in college. Some people just take a long time to grow up, your brother may be one of those. But I don't see why you have to sacrifice your life for him.”
“I owe it to my father,” she said simply, and he could see that it was a bond and duty she felt strongly about. He admired her for it, and was also surprised she had been able to come here. He asked her about it, and she explained that her father had finally relented, after endless badgering from her, and given her six months to a year with the Red Cross, before coming home to her responsibilities in Vaduz.
“You're too young to have all those expectations put on you,” Parker said, looking concerned as her eyes met his. There was something deep within them that spoke of things he didn't know, and the look of sadness in her eyes touched him profoundly. Without thinking, he reached out and took her hand in his own. He suddenly wanted to protect her from all the intolerable burdens put on her, and shield her from all those who might hurt her. His eyes never wavered and hers never left his, and almost as though it had been meant to be that way since time began, he leaned over and kissed her. She almost felt as though someone else had made the decision for her. There had been no decision, no choice, there was no fear. She just melted into his arms and they kissed until they were breathless. It was comfort, desire, and passion blended into something very heady that dizzied both of them. They sat looking at each other afterward in the hot African sun, as though seeing each other for the first time.
“I didn't expect that,” Christianna said quietly, still holding his hand, as he looked at her ever more gently. There was something about her that reached deep into his heart, and had almost since the day they met.
“Neither did I,” he said honestly. “I've admired you a lot ever since I met you. I love the way you speak to people, and play with the children. I love the way you seem to take care of everyone, and always respect who they are.” She was both grace and gentleness itself.
It was a lovely thing to say about her and she was touched, but even as they began something that might turn out to be beautiful, she was fully aware that if it had a beginning, it would have an end, too. Whatever they decided to share could only exist here in Africa. Their lives were too different, and would be surely once they got home. There was no way she would ever be allowed to pursue a relationship with him. She was just old enough now to be under constant scrutiny, at home and in the press. And a young American doctor, however intelligent or respectable, would never fit the rigid criteria set by the reigning prince for her. He wanted her to marry nothing less than a prince. When the time came for all that, if she was to follow her parents' wishes and family tradition that had existed till now, she would be obliged to ally herself with someone of noble birth. Given his antiquated and rigid ideas, her father would never tolerate a commoner as an acceptable husband for her. So whatever they started now could live only as long as they were both in Senafe. Carrying it beyond that would start a war with her father, which was the last thing she wanted. His approval meant the world to her, and she didn't want to upset him. Freddy did enough of that, and their father didn't deserve that after all he'd sacrificed for them. Christianna had been convinced for years that he had never remarried because of her and Freddy, which had been a sacrifice for him, maybe even a big one. Given how her father felt, once home again, her relationship with Parker would become forbidden fruit for her. It was not just about following rigid guidelines her father set for her. For Christianna it was also about respecting hundreds of years of tradition, however old-fashioned, and the country she loved so much, and even about respecting her father's promise to her dying mother.
She looked at Parker, not knowing how to say that to him, or if she should. But like a married woman, she felt she owed it to him to explain her circumstances, as best she could. One way or the other, Christianna was married to the throne of Liechtenstein, and even if she was not eligible for the throne herself, she was bound to it nonetheless, and everything her father and countrymen expected of her. She felt she had to set an example of how royals behaved. In spite of her own conflicts about it, she was a princess to her core.
“You look so sad. Did I upset you?” Parker asked her, looking worried. He didn't want to do anything that didn't appeal to her, too. He had been smitten by her for weeks, but if she wasn't open to it, even if disappointed, he would have understood. He liked her too much to do anything that might make her unhappy or uncomfortable.
“No, of course not,” she said, smiling at him, her hand still resting in his. “You made me very happy,” she said simply, and it was true. The rest was not as simple. “It's hard to explain. All I can say is that whatever happens between us will end here.” It was the only way she could think of to say it. “I want to be fair, saying that to you now. The person I am here will have to disappear when I leave. There is no room for her once I go home. Once back in Liechtenstein, this will never be possible for us.” He looked worried as she said it. It was too early for them to worry about the future after one kiss, but he could sense that what she was saying had far deeper meaning to her.
“It sounds like you're going back to prison or the convent,” he said with a troubled look, and she nodded, drawing closer to him on the log, as though to hide in his arms. He put them around her and looked deep into her eyes to see what he could find there. They were two deep pools as blue as his.
“I am going back to prison,” she said somberly, it was exactly how she felt about it. “And when I do, I have to go back alone. No one can come with me.”