"It's all right, Sirius," Lupin cut in quickly. "Severus is correct. He's already been more kind to us than we had any right to expect. We can't continue to impose on his hospitality. I'm sure I can find us a small flat somewhere. I don't have a great deal of savings, but there are plenty of Muggle areas where rents are quite reasonable."
Snape eyed the werewolf in disbelief. "I have an even better idea, Lupin. Why don't you simply see if Mad-Eye Moody or Amelia Bones has a spare bedroom Black can use?" he asked sarcastically.
At Lupin's expression of confusion, he snapped, "What is wrong with you, you fool? Do Gryffindors lack all sense of self-preservation? The instant Black leaves these wards, no place in Britain will be safe for him. Are you truly that simple-minded, or have you finally realized that the mutt is a useless git and decided to turn him in?"
"Of course not!" Lupin snarled back, his normally imperturbable temper for once igniting. "But what do you expect us to do when you force us to leave? You know full well we have no resources."
"Wait! I've an idea!" Black chimed in. "There are those caves in the Forest by Hogwarts. I could live there as Padfoot, and the acromantulas and the rest of the creatures wouldn't bother me."
Snape wearily rubbed his forehead. He was so tired of dealing with Gryffindors. They were like those big stupid dogs who couldn't understand where the ball went when you put it behind your back. "I suppose you'd survive by eating rats or whatever you could catch?" he asked, already knowing the answer.
Black shrugged resignedly. "If I have to. Maybe I can sneak into the Hogwarts kitchens once in a while."
"Where the house elves will promptly capture you, lest you threaten their darling Harry Potter, and Dumbledore will do what he did ten years ago and deliver you to Azkaban. Only before they have you Kissed, the Ministry will subject you to Veritaserum and then the werewolf and I will end up as fugitives ourselves." Snape could feel a headache coming on. Even first year Hufflepuffs weren't as unsophisticated as these two. How on earth had the Marauders avoided as many detentions as they had, if this was their idea of a cunning plan?
"ErтАж" Black looked embarrassed, but Lupin was frowning in thought.
"Maybe the Ministry wouldn't notice us if we disguise ourselves with тАУ " the werewolf began.
"Enough!" It was obvious Snape was going to have to do this himself. Oh, they might be able to torment Muggles and schoolchildren, but Lupin and Black's notion of strategic thinking rivaled Harry's тАУ without his excuse of being merely eleven. No, it was up to him. Left to their own devices, Lupin and Black would hang around in the most obvious places, practically begging to be arrested. Did they have no idea that the world extended beyond the borders of Hogwarts and Diagon Alley?
No, he couldn't trust them to keep themselves safe, and idiots though they were, they were both strong wizards and devoted to the boy. Snape intended to surround Harry with as many powerful wizards and witches as he could so that when the inevitable battle with the Dark Lord came, Harry would have plenty of allies and no need to rely on the Ministry, Dumbledore, or anyone else. Snape might not trust Black to figure out that toast came from bread, but he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he could be trusted to protect Harry, even at the cost of his own life. That was the sort of things Gryffindors lived for. (Well actually, died for.) тАжThe point was that the mutt wouldn't think twice before taking an AK meant for Harry, and that meant that Severus needed to keep him around.
In addition, Snape needed to secure Black's freedom to ensure his own long-term safety. He wasn't about to live under the threat of Black being interrogated with Veritaserum and his own involvement coming out. He needed the mutt cleared and untouchable, and obviously he couldn't rely on the Gryffindors to manage it themselves. "Here's what you will doтАж"
Several days later, the Wizarding World of Britain had been rocked by a shocking revelation: Sirius Black was alive and well in Switzerland! The Daily Prophet had an enormous picture of a smiling and waving Black outside the Zurich branch of Gringotts, while the accompanying text read:
Death Eater Black Granted Asylum in Switzerland!!
Sirius Black, long held to be a Death Eater and the betrayer of Lily and James Potter тАУ the parents of The Boy Who Lived тАУ has been granted asylum by the Swiss after his daring escape from Azkaban. The former Auror, now the head of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, had been imprisoned shortly after the Potters' deaths for allegedly murdering his close friend Peter Pettigrew and a dozen Muggle bystanders. Confidential sources speculate that Pettigrew тАУ who was also an associate of the Potters - had bravely confronted Black over his treachery, only to be obliterated by the more powerful wizard. When Black was finished with him, only Pettigrew's finger remained. The Ministry judged Black such a dangerous threat to society that upon his capture, he was immediately dispatched to Azkaban.
Yesterday, in an astonishing turn of events, the Swiss government confirmed Black had reached Zurich and applied for political asylum. The Swiss have granted his petition and rejected loud demands from Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge for Black's immediate return.
Swiss Wizarding Council President Pascal Schlumpf released a statement which read in part, "Switzerland is proud to be able to assist Mr Black to restore his good name. For ten years, Mr Black was illegally incarcerated on the island of Azkaban тАУ a clear violation of the Declaration of Universal Wizarding Rights. Furthermore, the British government's appalling treatment of Mr Black is matched only but its disgusting use of Dementors as prison guards on the island. Civilized countries have long condemned Britain's medieval use of Dementors in this capacity, and it is a tribute to Mr Black's mental fortitude and magical prowess that he has emerged from such an ordeal with his mind intact. Switzerland's long-standing refusal to sign an extradition treaty with Britain has been largely based on Britain's inhumane policies, and the treatment of Mr Black confirms the appropriateness of our decision. It is our hope that Mr Black will choose to make his home here in Switzerland, a beautiful country whose citizens are dedicated to the ideals of law and justice."
Mr Black commented, "They've got amazing chocolate too - not to mention the women! It's like they're all double jointed or something. In fact, the things Swiss women do with chocolate are unbelievableтАж" The rest of Mr Black's remark is unsuitable for publication in a family newspaper.
A source close to the Swiss president accounts for this inexplicable offer of sanctuary as follows: "Remember the last European Summit when your Minister got drunk and thought it would be funny to dump that Amortentia in President Schlumpf's goblet? Remember how your paper printed those pictures of what happened next with the delegation from Sweden? Remember Mrs Schlumpf's reaction when she saw those pictures? Don't you have a saying that "payback is a witch"? What is it with you British and these stupid pranks anyway?"
Another top government official on the Swiss Wizarding Council commented, "Vhen ze head of one of ze oldest and vealthiest Vizarding families in Britain shows up on your doorstep asking for sanctuary, vat else vould ve say but 'Come right in und bring all your money mit you' ? Und besides, you made it easy for us. You never even gave ze man a trial, und den you expect us to hand him over to you to be Kissed? Ja, right."
Goblins at the Diagon Alley branch of Gringotts refused to comment, but a spokesgoblin at the Zurich branch stated, "We are happy to allow Mr Black to draw upon his fortune. We are confident that either Mr Black will be proven innocent by the new MLE investigation into his past, in which case our English bank will be permitted to unfreeze his assets, or we will be able to collect any debts from Mr Black's heir or estate. In the extremely unlikely event that the British government were foolish enough to try to seize all of Mr Black's accounts and stiff Gringotts," here the spokesgoblin paused and bared its many sharp, pointed fangs, "the British Wizarding World will find out why it is such a bad idea to annoy a goblin."