Lucius contented himself with giving Snape inscrutable looks while Fudge and Bones took their leave of Dumbledore. Soon the others were gone, leaving only Hogwarts staff, students, and parents behind. Lucius had, predictably, declined the opportunity to speak with his son, claiming an important business meeting back in the city.
"Perhaps your parents would like a tour of the school, Miss Granger? And Mr Weasley, a few things have changed since your parents' days тАУ why don't the three of you accompany the Grangers? Then perhaps you can join the school for lunch before you depart," he suggested to the adults.
The Grangers and Weasleys agreed, and Minerva offered to take them around. Albus escorted a still-convalescent Poppy back to the Infirmary, leaving Snape and Harry alone.
"Are you really mad?" Harry asked unhappily.
"What do you think?" Snape retorted. "Pranking the Dark Lord, indeed!"
"I didn't know it was Him," Harry protested.
"Oh, so pranking a professor is acceptable behavior?" Snape sneered.
"No," Harry admitted, flushing, "but it's not dangerous. It's just тАУ y'know тАУ naughty."
"If you imagine that you are not going to be disciplined for your outrageous conduct тАУ"
"But I didn't mean to do anything dangerous. I mean, it was Quirrell," Harry argued. He didn't want his professor to think he had deliberately defied his most important precepts. "We thought he was just strange and stinky. You didn't know he had Voldevert in his head, did you?"
"Of course not!" Snape huffed, insulted. Did the brat imagine he would have allowed such a threat to remain in his vicinity?
"Well then I don't see why you're mad that I didn't." Harry felt rather bold, arguing with his guardian like this. He would never before have dared to protest, but he had a suspicion that Snape wouldn't mind.
"I suppose you'll again suggest the Headmaster is to blame?" Snape demanded, privately rather pleased that Harry was no longer behaving like a whipped puppy, cowering away from punishment. Obviously those impudent Gryffindors were rubbing off on him.
"Well, isn't it his job to make sure we're safe? An' to pick the professors who teach here?" Harry pointed out reasonably.
"You are trying to obfuscate matters," Snape declared. "The issue before us is your atrocious behavior. How do you think your friends feel, knowing that you used Miss Granger's indisposition as an excuse to attack Quirrell? Don't you think she feels hurt by your mendacious expressions of concern?" Harry's lack of reaction convinced him that his suspicions were well-founded. The whole thing had been a set up and the other two had been co-conspirators right from the start.
Snape felt a bit misty eyed тАУ his ward's first plot, and it was quite the Slytherin one. Nothing like the 'in-your-face' antics of his father and godfather. This was sneaky and subtle and Harry had even managed to fool both Dumbledore and McGonagall as to his motives and confederates. The boy had real potential.
He forced down his feelings of pride and scowled at the brat. "Do not imagine you will go unpunished, Mr Potter. The other parents may be so faint with relief тАУ and blind to the real goings on тАУ that they will excuse your peers, but you are not so lucky. I have no intention of permitting you to misbehave with impunity and grow up to be an irresponsible nincompoop."
"Awwww," Harry pouted, even as inwardly he exulted at this further evidence that Snape cared for him. He'd even said "other parents", like he really felt like Harry's dad.
"You will have detention every day for a week, Mr Potter. With me, since it seems that no one else is capable of seeing through your little deceptions." Perhaps by the end of the week, he would no longer have this overwhelming need to keep the brat within eyeshot at all times. If he did, he would just have to find another excuse to assign more detention. "You had best bring plenty of quills and parchment, as you will be writing numerous essays. If you are so determined to enter the struggle against the Dark Lord at such an early age, you will need to begin serious study of strategy and tactics."
"Cool!" Harry exclaimed. Then at Snape's narrowing eyes, he quickly corrected, "Uh, I mean, that's not fair." He struggled to think of something to complain about. "ErmтАж if no one else is getting punished тАУ"
Snape raised an eyebrow. "I would be happy to assign Miss Granger and Mr Weasley a week of detention, if you insist. Mr Filch can always use assistants."
"No, no!" Harry hastily backpedaled. "It was all my idea. You're right."
"Hmf." Snape eyed him. "Perhaps several hundred lines of 'I will not prank Dark Lords' would be appropriate as well." Harry groaned. "That will be enough of your histrionics, young man. Come here."
Harry sighed, doing his best to keep up appearances. He hopped out of his chair and stepped over to where Snape had pushed his chair away from the table. "Just one smack, right? For disobedience in breakin' the rules an' pranking a professor. 'Cause I really didn't know about the danger," he reminded his professor anxiously. Was Professor Snape furious with him?
Snape was still haunted by images of Harry's broken, bleeding body тАУ tortured and left for dead in the Chamber of Secrets, staring sightlessly upward after an Avada Kedavra, sliced to pieces from his own spell тАУ and he couldn't help pulling the boy to stand between his legs so he could run his hands over the boy's shoulders and arms. He wasn't about to cuddle the brat тАУ Potter would hardly welcome being pawed by a Snape, for Merlin's sake тАУ but he just had to touch the boy to be certain that he really was alive, fit and whole and well. He'd been more shaken by the children's recitation of events than anyone had realized, even himself, but now that he was alone with Harry, the possibilities of what could easily have happened were making him tremble.
Harry looked at his guardian quizzically. Snape's eyes were even more shuttered than usual тАУ maybe he was really angry? Not only at Harry's actions with the DADA instructor but also at his arguing and backtalk? Harry bit his lip. Maybe he'd protested too much? It wasn't as if he hadn't expected to be punished, and after all, he had achieved his objective. He now had a week of one on one time with his guardian, and from the sounds of his assignment, they'd have plenty of things to talk about.
He turned slightly and leaned over his professor's thigh. "I'm ready, Pr'fessor," he offered, hoping that his willingness to accept what was coming to him would outweigh his earlier protestations.
Snape gritted his teeth. He knew he had to swat the child. It was an expected consequence for his misbehavior. Harry obviously was prepared to accept it. And the brat had deliberately taken on the Dark Lord тАУ or at least a DADA instructor, not that that was much better. But right now, all he wanted to do was hug the little fiend and feel him breathing and hear his heartbeat and reassure himself that Harry really and truly was fine.
But Snape had plenty of practice in not doing what he wanted, so he raised his hand and gave the wretch a sound slap right across the seat of his trousers.
"Ouch!" Harry shot upright, grabbing his bum. It didn't really hurt much, but he didn't want his professor to think he wasn't doing a good job. Professor Snape was trying really hard; Harry needed to help him gain confidence.
Snape cursed himself. Too hard! Obviously he still didn't have a sense of what was an appropriate, admonitory tap. He had thought he'd been being suitably gentle, but of course, he was comparing everything to his own bastard father's treatment of himself, and obviously he was still getting it wrong.