"Snape!" Sirius sounded as if he were grinding his teeth. "Would you listen to me, you damned bat? I am not suing for custody."
Severus merely gave him a cold look of disbelief, then continued, "As I was saying, a custody battle will distract him from exams and make him worry about where he will be living over the summer holidays." He didn't know what Black was hoping to achieve with his ridiculous denials, but he was a rank amateur at such mind games. Snape had been screwed with by the best тАУ Dumbledore, Voldemort, his own fatherтАжEven during their schooldays Sirius had never been one for subtle plots and tortures. In contrast to most of his ancestors, he would scorn an untraceable slow-acting poison; his style was pure Gryffindor in-your-face. Black had always wanted to see the blood and pain his torment was causing and he had had no patience to wait for it. In all their time at Hogwarts, he had never toyed with Snape's mind like this. Obviously he had learned some new tricks at Azkaban.
Snape sighed and continued, wanting to end the charade before the brat returned. "He may not appear so, but Harry remains quite apprehensive about being sent back to those Muggles, and a perceived lack of stability will-"
"SNAPE! Would you listen to me, you fuckwit! Has inhaling potion fumes made you stupid? I have TOLD you that тАУ"
"Oi!" Harry and Remus had returned in time to catch the last comment, and a glaring Harry marched up to his godfather. "Don't you call him names!"
Sirius raked his hands through his hair in exasperated fury. "He's driving me crazy, Pronglet! He won't listen!"
"He listens to me," Harry countered fiercely, causing Snape to preen. Then Harry paused. "What did you just call me?"
"Pronglet. Or Prongs Junior. Your dad's animagus name was Prongs, so when you were born, we all started calling you Little Prongs and ProngletтАж" Sirius grinned. "Like it?"
Harry grinned back, his irritation forgotten, much to Snape's annoyance. Disloyal little viper.
"Yeah." Then he held up a cautionary finger. "But only 'til I have a form of my own. 'Cause I might have teeth," he pointed out hopefully.
"What were you two yelling about?" Remus asked, always the voice of calm reason.
"Oh!" Sirius turned to Harry. "Hey, Pronglet тАУ " he ignored Snape's furious signals to shut up " тАУ do you want to come live with me?"
Harry frowned uncomprehendingly. "Huh? I live with Pr'fessor Snape now. When I'm not at Hogwarts, I mean. I mean, when I'm not living in the dorms with the other kids an' all."
"Yes," Sirius agreed patiently, "but wouldn't you rather live with me? Your parents named me your godfather."
Harry looked troubled, and he glanced over at his professor. Snape had managed to regain his composure, but he seethed with fury beneath that frozen expression. Leave it to Black to do exactly what he had hoped to avoid and involve the boy. The bastard had no discretion or тАУ quite possibly тАУ any higher brain function whatsoever.
Harry chewed his lip anxiously. He didn't want to offend anyone, and he thought his godfather might well turn out to be a lot of fun, but all this talk of taking him away from his professor was making him nervous.
Snape caught the lip chewing and felt a sinking feeling in his gut. Obviously the boy was trying to work out how to tell him that he wanted to live with his blasted godfather. Well, fine. It wasn't like he had expected anything else.
"Well," Harry said cautiously, edging closer to Professor Snape in case his rather excitable godfather reacted badly to what he was about to say, "I wouldn't mind visiting you, y'know, like the Weasleys."
"But don't you want to live with me? Instead of Snape?" Sirius pressed.
Snape ground his teeth together. Of course Black would make Harry come out and say it right in front of him. He forced his features to remain expressionless. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction of seeing how much this renunciation was going to hurt. It was his own fault, anyway. He knew better than to allow himself to develop feelings for anyone, let alone another Gryffindor. Hadn't he learned anything from the agony of his relationship with Lily? This was what happened when you let your guard down. He'd been a sentimental idiot, and now he was going to pay the price. He braced himself as the boy started to speak.
Harry had tried. He really had. But obviously Sirius wasn't going to be put off with polite evasions. Be a Gryffindor, Harry! Show them you have courage! Even if his godfather was furious and never wanted to see him again, it wasn't that bad, right? Professor McGonagall would probably help him learn to be an animagus if he asked her. And even if she wouldn't do it for him, she probably would if Professor Snape was the one to make the request.
Harry felt a pang at the thought of losing this link to his parents, but by now he'd heard so many stories about them from Hagrid and Professor McGonagall and Auntie Molly and Uncle Arthur and Professor FlitwickтАж As soon as his professor had let it be known that his relatives hadn't told him anything, people had begun sharing their memories and sending him pictures andтАж Harry sighed happily. It was just another example of how well Professor Snape looked after him. He made sure that Harry knew just how many people cared about him. He was so surrounded by love now that losing one or two people тАУ even if it was his godfather тАУ just didn't make that much of a difference. So he braced himself and spoke. "No, sir. I don't want t'live with you. I'd rather live with Pr'fessor Snape."
There was an odd roaring noise. Snape wondered faintly whether there was an ocean nearby, but they were in Switzerland, weren't they?
"Oh, for тАУ GRAB HIM!" He heard Black shout at someone and tried to look around, but there was a hard hand at the back of his neck and all he could see was the floor.
It took him a moment to realize that he was seated on the sofa and someone was holding his head between his knees. He fought free and found himself nose to nose with a pale-looking Harry.
"Are you okay, Pr'fessor?" the boy asked anxiously. "You looked really weird there for a minute."
"He just needs a cup of tea," Remus said comfortingly. "Come help me call the house elves."
Black dropped down next to him, grinning like a fiend, but Snape was so confused at the moment that all he could do was blink at him. "See?" Black said happily. "I told you you were a fuckwit. Why would I try to get custody? Harry wants to stay with you."
"But тАУ but тАУ but тАУ" Snape felt as if someone had hit him with a Confundus. Had he actually heard the boy choose him over his godfather? And Black wasn't having raging hysterics about it?
"Sheesh, Snape, you'd think we were still kids and hated each other," Black said, laughing a little uncomfortably. "I mean, did you really expect me to take Harry away from you after all you've done for both of us? What kind of prick do you think I am?" Then he hastily added, "No, don't answer that."
He nervously raked his hand through his hair again. "Look, I know I haven't exactly got a good track record where you're concerned, but I meant what I said at Azkaban. I am sorry for all the things we тАУ I тАУ put you through, and I'm really grateful to you for taking care of Harry and getting me out of there andтАж well, even if I were enough of a bastard to ignore everything you've done, I'd still not be in any shape to take Harry." For a moment, the look in Black's eyes reminded Severus of the wreck he had seen in the cell at Azkaban. "I'm still having a lot of nightmares, and I get upset really easily, and my memory's shockingтАж" Black gave a sudden, savage grin. "But the Dursleys are great for helping me work out what Remus calls my 'anger issues' and I'm doing my best to enjoy myself and make up for lost time in other ways тАУ it really is amazing what those Swiss birds do with chocolate тАУ but I'm not able to be a dad for Harry right now, and that's what he needs. And since he's already found a father, I'm certainly not about to do anything to destroy Pronglet's happiness. Besides, if I were stupid enough to think of doing it, James would return from the dead to kick my arse. And Lily would be right behind him."