The visit was actually quite tame, compared to Snape's dark imaginings. Black refrained from orgies or other debaucherie and seemed quite content merely to spend hours with Harry, roughhousing or playing or showing him all the local sites that might be of interest to an 11 year old. Lupin usually joined them, but occasionally remained behind to keep the Potion Master company. Snape did not find it necessary to supervise Black every second, but he did insist on knowing exactly where Harry would be going and what he would be doing. To his surprise, Black made no demur at this restriction, and Snape could only assume that Lupin had sternly ordered the mutt to be on his best behavior in the hopes of proving that they could be trusted to entertain Harry on their own.
Still, while Snape had been pleasantly surprised at how well both men tolerated his presence, he was completely astonished when Sirius broached the subject of a double date one evening.
"Don't you think Harry is a bit young?" Snape said forbiddingly.
"Da!" Harry laughed, nearly choking on his dinner. "Don't be so silly. I'm not going."
Before he could register either his annoyance at being called "silly" or his disappointment that Black and Lupin remained untroubled by Harry's calling him "Da", Snape was flabbergasted to hear Black say, "I'm asking you, Snape. I have a date for you and everything. Come on. It'll be fun."
Snape eyed him suspiciously. There had to be a trap. "Why would you invite me?" he demanded. "Take the werewolf."
Lupin sighed at his use of the term but made no other complaint. "Severus, it's only two days to the full moon. I can't go."
"Besides, I didn't get this girl for Moony. I picked her for you," Sirius argued. "Come on."
"What's wrong with her?" he inquired distrustfully.
"Nothing!" Sirius yelled in exasperation. "Snape, for Merlin's sake! It's just a date. Why are you making such a big deal about it?"
"And what is Harry to be doing when we are out on this date?"
"I'll stay here with Moony," Harry answered. "Or we might go see a Muggle movie. Neither of us has ever gone, but Hermione owled me about a really cool one called тАУ"
"Snape! Come on тАУ he'll be fine. You'll have some fun, meet a good looking bird, maybe get тАУ " Sirius caught himself with a glance at Harry. "Erm, have a good conversation, I mean."
"Why would you want to double date?" Snape was still wary.
"Well, this witch that I'm seeing has her sister visiting from Basel, and she asked me if I could find her a date тАУ"
"Hmf," Snape said sourly.
"But I saw pictures of the sister! She's gorgeous, with dark hair and тАУ " Sirius again broke off abruptly. "Ah, well, she's what you might call pleasantly shaped."
"You mean she's got big tiтАУ " Harry began unwisely.
"HARRY JAMES POTTER!" Snape and Lupin both thundered at him while Sirius broke into hysterical laughter.
"He's his father's son all right!" Sirius choked out.
"You are to speak of witches with respect, young man!" Snape scolded him sharply.
"I didn't even say anything!" Harry protested, seeing his chances of dessert that night rapidly vanishing.
"But you were about to," Snape pointed out, unmollified.
Harry grumpily stared at his plate. "Fine," he huffed. "Be that way, mean ol'тАж"
Lupin hastily intervened before further indiscretions could occur. "So, Severus, will you be going or not?"
Snape paused, thinking. It had been an appallingly long time since his last date, with a witch to whom Lucius Malfoy had introduced him. The best thing about her, as he recalled, was that she was slightly less insane than Bellatrix LeStrange. He saw Harry stealing a sidelong glance at him, still too cross to show his interest, but too curious not to care.
"I suppose I could go," he said, elaborately casual. "As a favor to the mutt, I mean."
"Great!" Sirius clapped his hands together in delight. "We pick them up in an hour!"
"Tonight!" Snape squawked. "You didn't say it was tonight! What am I supposed to wear? What тАУ"
"Merlin's shorts, Snape, stop acting like a girl. You look fine," Sirius waved a hand dismissively.
Snape glared at him as he hurriedly left the table. Harry brightened up at his departure and looked hopefully at the cake sitting on the counter. "May I please have my pudding now?"
"Before your da returns and says you can't?" Remus asked drily. But he took pity on Harry's pleading expression and cut him a large slice.
One hour later, Snape fidgeted nervously behind Black as the other man knocked briskly on a door. He must have been insane to agree to come along. This was Black, for Merlin's sake! How could he have been so stupid as to assume the man was sincere. The witch in question probably had a squint and a hunchback and a personality like a basilisk. That would be exactly the kind of joke Black would find hilarious, and the best part was that he had gotten Snape to come along of his own free will. He would never live this down.
He took a step back, in preparation for Apparating away, but before he could, the door opened and a tall blonde witch with big blue eyes peered out. "Oooooooh, Siri! I've missed you soooooooo much!" she squealed, then proved her claim by grabbing Black in a manner that Snape found frankly pornographic.
He struggled to tear his eyes away so he could make his escape, but the pair's activities wereтАж hypnotic.
"Oh for pity's sake, Ursi! Either get a room or I'll douse you both with Aguamenti!" An exasperated voice snapped from behind the blonde.
"Er, ah, erтАж" Sirius gasped dazedly as he came up for air, but then managed to recall his manners. "Ah, Ursula Zeeman, may I present Professor Severus Snape?"
"Charmed, I'm sure," the blonde cooed, fluttering her eyelashes at a distinctly unnerved Snape. "And this is my sister Hildy."
"Brunhilde." The adamant voice spoke again from the house's interior.
Ursi pouted prettily, but agreed, "Brunhilde."
A brisk shove in Ursula's back finally prompted her to move aside, and a tall, dark haired, and curvaceous witch stepped into view. "It's a shocking name," Brunhilde said calmly, "but trying to hide the truth simply makes it worse. I take it you are Sirius Black?" She held out her hand to Sirius who gallantly kissed it.
To Snape's surprise, Brunhilde appeared immune to Black's charm. "I've read your interviews with interest," she told him drily. "Shall I assume that my sister is one of the women whose talents with chocolate you find so impressive?"
Black тАУ to Severus' eternal delight тАУ blushed to the tips of his ears and stammered like a schoolboy. Burnhilde regarded him steadily, then shook her head. "Oh, Ursi. What would Papa say?"
"I don't care!" her sister retorted. "But Mama would say he's dreamy!" And she took Black's hand in a proprietary grip.
"Professor Snape?" Brunhilde held out her hand again, and Snape, with a gulp he hoped went unnoticed, gingerly shook it.
"My pleasure, Madame," he replied stiffly.
Sirius smiled hopefully. "Well, er, let's go. I have reservations for us at the Rothschilde restaurant and then we're headed to the local production of The Magic Flute тАУ the magical version, of course."
"Oooooooh, Siri!" Snape suspected that those two words represented a significant chunk of Ursula's vocabulary, and he was heartened to see Brunhilde roll her eyes in disdain.