"Good. Then you will understand me now, when I tell you that I do not BELIEVE this behavior of yours!" Harry rocked backwards at the venom in Snape's voice.
"I trusted you, you miserable brat!" Snape went on angrily. "I was foolish to believe that you could behave! I should have sent you back to those relatives the first day you earned detention from me." Harry's jaw dropped. His da was yelling тАУ which he never did тАУ and he was saying things that Harry knew he didn't mean. Hadn't Snape always said horrible things about his relatives? And yet now he was saying he should have sent Harry back to them? But he had promised.
"You are an atrocious, arrogant little fiend with no respect for others!" Snape continued viciously. "I can't believe I was stupid enough to bring you into my home like this! You deserve to be expelled and sent back to the Dursleys!" Harry gaped in dismay, his whole world collapsing about his ears. "I will give you one last chance, Potter, but know that the next time, I swear I will throw you out of Hogwarts! Do you understand?"
"I тАУ" Harry tried to protest, but he couldn't speak through the tears.
Snape nearly cursed in frustration. The boy was such a Gryffindor, never looking beyond the obvious, despite all his hints! All right тАУ he had one more trick up his sleeve. "No more of your cheek, young man! You have one more chance, but only after you've been soundly punished."
Snape grabbed Harry by his upper arm and dragged him over to the couch. "Do you remember how I warned you that I wouldn't accept any nonsense from you? How I told you what you could expect if you misbehaved?"
"Y-yes," Harry squeaked.
"Then you'll know exactly what's going on now," Snape retorted. "Accio hairbrush!"
Harry nearly choked. A hairbrush? His da had sworn he'd never, ever use a hairbrush on him! He began to struggle. It was as if he'd been transported into an alternate reality without noticing. First he had apparently destroyed a potions cupboard without remembering it, now his da was about to break his strongest rule and beat Harry like the Dursleys had. "Nooooo!" he yelled, but he was no match for the angry adult.
In seconds, he was bent over his da's lap and the man lifted the hairbrush high. "This should send a message to you," Snape snapped, bringing the brush down with a loud whack across Harry's rear.
Harry yelped at the noise, waiting for the accompanying sting and burn, but instead it felt as if a hairbrush-sized cushion had been gently swatted against his bum. He twisted around in shock, only to find his father's gaze upon him. "Well? What did you expect?" Snape asked, smacking him again.
Harry blinked as the light tap was accompanied by the sound of a horrific wallop. "UmтАж" he managed, utterly bewildered.
Snape rolled his eyes and gave Harry a quick look of exasperation even as he brought down the hairbrush for a third time. "I expect you to use that brain of yours, small though it may be, you dreadful brat," he scolded.
Harry tried to figure out what was going on. Why was his da acting so weird? If he was really furious, why wasn't he really hitting? But if he wasn't angry, then why pretend to punish Harry in the first place? Uncle Vernon sometimes had pretended to be nice to Harry in public when he thought someone was watching, but тАУ Realization struck Harry like a physical blow. His da thought someone was watching them!! That's why he was putting on this show. It was like Professor McGonagall had said about the chairs on the ceiling. If someone was trying to trick you, you tricked them back. You didn't let on that you knew what the other person was doing тАУ you just played along until you could figure out who they were and what they were up to.
That's why his da had said all those things and now was pretending to blister Harry's bum. The wave of relief that washed over him nearly made him burst into tears right then and there. His da didn't plan to send him back to the Dursleys! He was doing all this because he still loved Harry and wanted to find out who was trying to get him in trouble тАУ or maybe sent away. He felt limp with relief that his terrified thoughts had been unfounded, though in the next moment, he blamed himself for ever doubting his da.
"Try to at least act like a Gryffindor," Snape ordered gruffly, hiding his own relief as he felt the boy relax across his lap as he finally figured out what was going on. "Like one of those Weaselys!"
Harry snapped back to attention, realizing that now was neither the time for blissful relief or guilty self-condemnation. They were in the middle of a play, sort of, and his da needed Harry to act his part. Like a Weasley, he'd said. Well, Harry guessed he knew what that meant.
"OWWWWWWWWWW!" Harry howled, flailing with all his might as the feather-light hairbrush belabored his behind. "THAT HURTS! OWWWWWWW! STOP! STOP!" He sent a quick mental apology to Ron, but he knew his da thought the redheads were all noisy show-offs, and тАУ to be fair to Snape тАУ the boys did tend to be rather vocal in protesting their punishments. Over the holidays, Harry had seen enough to know that virtually any punishment, from de-gnoming the garden to an early bedtime, was met with loud complaints.
Harry felt his da pat his shoulder in approval, even as he continued scolding and smacking. "Horrible brat! I should just send you away right now, but I will give you one final chance!"
Harry kicked and bawled, pretending he was Dudley and Petunia had just refused him a second helping of pudding (as if that would ever happen!).
Finally, Snape jerked him to his feet and gave him a good shake. "Have you learned your lesson?"
"Y-yes, sir," Harry sniveled and blubbered, clutching his bum as if in great distress. If only he had known about cushioning charms back when he was living with his relatives!
"Then get to your room and don't you dare disturb me! I have a very delicate potion simmering in my lab, and if anything happens to it, I will have you back in Surrey before the night is out!"
Harry felt his da spin him around by his shoulders, and then he was sent towards his room with one last hard smack. He scrambled onto his bed and buried his face in his pillow, pretending to sob himself sick. He hoped he was doing a good job.
Snape meanwhile stormed into his lab, made a few minor adjustments to the potion that was brewing there, then stalked out again, still muttering under his breath.
For a few minutes, all was quite in the laboratory, the only noise coming from the potion bubbling quietly away. Then a louder pop intruded, and a ragged house elf appeared in the deserted room. "Bad, bad Dobby!" the elf sobbed, banging his head on the stone floor. "Wicked Dobby!" But then he levitated the cauldron with a quick flick of his finger and flipped it, sending the contents all over the floor.
"Aha." Snape said silkily, appearing from under Harry's Invisibilty Cloak in the corner of the room. "What have we here?"
Dobby squeaked in surprise and alarm and tried to vanish, but his efforts were futile. He watched in growing terror as Snape advanced upon him, his wand out and pointing at the small creature.
"As you have discovered, I have тАУ with the help of the castle elves тАУ enhanced the anti-apparition wards around my quarters to include elf magic as well as wizard. Once you appeared here, I activated them, and you will not be able to leave until I decide to release you."
"No, no, no!" Dobby wailed. "Dobby must not stay! Dobby must return home before Master noticies!" He started to bang his head on the floor again, but a sharp word from Snape stopped him.