Fudge's advisors тАУ that likely meant Lucius MalfoyтАж Snape pondered. Why would Malfoy choose Hogwarts? One possibility was that he wanted Snape to be front and center for whatever mayhem would ensue. Another was that Malfoy had something else up his sleeve, and rather than double crossing Fudge, he was about to triple cross Severus. Still, Snape decided, even if that were the case, better to have events occur on his home ground. "I suggest we permit it," he drawled, trying not to snicker at how every head immediately snapped around to stare at him.
"You are eager to help Fudge?" McGonagall demanded incredulously.
"Like it or not, he is our Minister тАУ at least at the moment тАУ and with the school on holiday, a refusal will be hard to couch as anything other than the snub it would be. I would prefer not to put Fudge in a position where he will be likely to demand an even greater favor during the school year."
Dumbledore looked impressed. "Well reasoned, my boy. You make an excellent point."
Flitwick nodded. "I agree with Severus, Headmaster. Better to throw Fudge a bone now than to start off the new year on bad terms."
And so it was that the following week the Minister and his entourage appeared at Hogwarts, with a noisy press corps in tow. The few faculty that were resident at the school had mostly chosen to boycott the event, but Snape, Lupin, Black, and Harry watched from the outskirts of the crowd as Fudge mounted a magically-erected platform and waved for silence.
"Da, why is he smiling and nodding like that? It's as if he thinks people are applauding," Harry observed doubtfully.
"It's because he's a wanker," Sirius replied before Snape could.
Harry snickered as both Remus and his da scolded his godfather for his language, and then Fudge began to address the crowd.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I want to thank you for coming out here today for what is a momentous occasion. As you know, I am but a humble servant of the people, and if left to my own devices, I would have happily remained but one of the many unsung officials toiling at the Ministry."
"Like Uncle Arthur?" Harry asked skeptically, eyeing the pontificating man in the bowler hat. "I can't really see him doing that, can you?"
"Ssssh," his da scolded.
"However, when called to service, even the most humble amongst us must do his part, and it is with great pride and gratitude that I contemplate my years serving as your Minister."
"I'm gonna sick up pretty soon," Sirius whispered loudly.
"I had not even realized that some people have begun to speculate upon how long I might be willing to remain in this position, but when this matter was called to my attention, well," he spread his hands modestly, "what could I do?"
Sirius pretended to barf on Harry, much to the boy's delight, and was elbowed into silence by a stern-looking Remus (whose twitching lips betrayed his true opinions).
"As you know, I do not seek office for my own sake, and so I felt it incumbent upon me to turn to my most trusted advisor, Lucius Malfoy, for his opinion on the matter. It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you a man who needs no introduction, Lucius Malfoy!"
As Fudge loudly led the otherwise sporadic applause, Harry turned to Snape with a puzzled expression. "That didn't actually make any sense, did it, Da?"
"Fudge rarely does, Potter," Snape replied, not taking his eyes off the blond aristocrat.
Lucius quirked an elegant eyebrow at the massed reporters. "Good afternoon. After lengthy research into this issue, not to mention careful review of the Minister's record, I am pleased to report that there is a clear and unambiguous conclusion to be drawn." He gestured and a large, furled banner rose into the sky behind him. Another wave of his wand and the banner unrolled with a fanfare of trumpets.
There was an instant of dead silence, then an explosion of sound. "Oh, Da!" Harry gasped.
Remus was gaping at his side. "Holy fu- erm, Fudge," he quickly amended.
The banner held a larger-than-lifesize photo of three wizards: Lucius Malfoy, Arthur Weasley, and Sirius Black, standing together before the Ministry building. Above their heads were the words: "On ONE Thing We All Agree". Below the men ran the flat statement: "FUDGE IS AN IDIOT".
The pose of the wizards deliberately evoked the Prophet's front page photo several months ago of Draco, Ron, and Harry. While the men didn't have their arms slung around each other's necks as the boys had, there was no mistaking the congenial solidarity of the heads of these three ancient, historically antagonistic pureblood houses.
"Sirius!" Remus choked, staring at the banner. "You тАУ you - !"
Sirius was literally dancing with excitement at having been able to pull off such a stellar prank without his nearest and dearest finding out. "Isn't it brilliant, Moony?"
"I'm impressed with your ability to keep a secret," Snape commented coolly, though inwardly he was jubilant. This was a brilliant piece of politicking by Lucius.
"How could you!" Fudge's screaming at Lucius finally overrode the press corps' shouted questions to him. "I trusted you! You promised to get me elected again!"
"Minister!" Rita Skeeter had known that anything happening at Hogwarts would be good for her career. "Are you saying that Ministerial elections are controlled by a coterie of pureblood houses? Did Lucius Malfoy deliver your last victory? For what consideration did he do such a thing?"
Fudge went first purple then white. "I тАУ I never said that," he backpedaled hastily, clutching his bowler hat in terror.
"Then what did you mean by alleging that Mr Malfoy 'promised' to get you elected? Are you suggesting that our elections do not in fact represent the will of the British wizarding society?"
Lucius watched happily as Fudge gobbled and blustered. Severus had been right; this was just as much fun as Crucio'ing Muggles. After all, where was the sport in that? It's not like the pathetic creatures could put up much of a fight. But today, watching the Minister of Magic twist and writhe in agony that he had caused, Lucius remembered why he had thought that following the Dark Lord was a good idea. He managed to suppress a shudder of pleasure.
Rita Skeeter didn't even bother to suppress the exquisite sensations that were running through her body just then. This was the sort of story that toppled regimes! She led the press corps' advance on the beleaguered Fudge, who began to back up and up before finally breaking and making a run for the border of the anti-Apparition wards. The pack of reporters followed in hot pursuit, baying questions.
"My, my, what a reaction to our little poster," Malfoy remarked, strolling up to the three men and Harry.
Sirius snorted. "You're a sadistic prick, Malfoy, but I have to admit that was great fun to watch."
Malfoy dabbed delicately at his upper lip with a silk handkerchief. "Well, you know what they say about those who would rather watch than do, Black."
"No, what?" Harry asked innocently.
Snape had the pleasure of watching Malfoy utterly disconcerted for once. Knowing that Harry was likely to share with Draco anything he said severely limited Lucius' ability to answer the question.
"Never mind, Mr Potter," Snape interrupted sternly. "I would like you to alert Hagrid that the press conference appears to be over and the grounds should be returned to their usual state."
Harry looked disappointed, but he knew better than to argue with that tone. He jogged away, leaving Black and Malfoy to glare at each other.
"Nice, Malfoy. Couldn't wait to bring up your sexual deviancy in front of my godson?"