"I am so terribly sorry that you felt I cared more for them than for you, my boy. I can only hope that my actions over the last several years have demonstrated to you how very dear you are to me and how much I care about you."
Snape huffed and looked away, but in truth he rather liked hearing Dumbledore announce his feelings like that. It wasn't as if Snape would ever encourage such maudlin statements by murmuring sappy endearments of his own, but if Dumbledore admitted how he felt while apologizing (again) for one of the few incidents in which Severus was morally blameless, the younger man wasn't about to complain. Even adult survivors of child abuse tend to remain insecure about their own self-worth.
"Enough of this sentimental nonsense," he said loftily, waving one hand in dismissal. He chose to ignore the knowing twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes. "We are getting off the topic at hand. Potter will require someone who is smart enough to avoid whatever blandishments the brat invents. That means they must be someone who will not be swayed by protestations of urgent need or heroic intent тАУ which means his guardian should not be another Gryffindor. Do you agree?"
"Well, Severus, you have certainly provided an excellent argument," Dumbledore replied noncommittally.
"He will already be spending a significant portion of his time with Gryffindors between his House and his time with the Weasleys тАУ Gryffindors all! Potter should have some exposure to other houses and ways of thinking."
"Hm. I do understand your logic, Severus. Who were you thinking, then? A Hufflepuff family perhaps?"
"Albus! Have you not heard a word I've said? There were all too many idiot Hufflepuffs who were dimwitted enough to believe in You Know Who, then too loyal to disavow him even after his insanity became undeniable. You must first and foremost find someone who will pose no threat to the boy. It must be someone who fought against the Dark Lord."
"The war is over тАУ"
"Are you mad? Who knows when the Dark Lord will rise again? And even if he doesn't return during Harry's lifetime, have you forgotten the Longbottoms so easily? Even in You Know Who's absence, he still has loyal followers and the danger to Potter is ever-present! He cannot be placed with anyone who has not proven where their loyalties truly lie."
"Yes, I see your pointтАж"
"Then you must also see that no Hufflepuff will have the strength of character to withstand the boy's first crocodile tear! They will smother the brat with hugs and presents and excuse any misconduct with sad noises about his past life. I will not allow it!"
"Very well, Severus, if you feel that strongly about it. Perhaps a Ravenclaw would be better after all тАУ Lily was quite an adequate student, wasn't she?"
"Albus, are you becoming senile?" Snape snapped angrily. How dare the man insult Lily with such faint praise? "She was one of the brightest in our class, though she never acted like an arrogant know-it-all. She excelled in both Potions and Charms, and she had Minerva eating out of the palm of her hand тАУ quite literally тАУ with her skill in Transfigurations. How could you have forgotten her accomplishments?"
Dumbledore's smile held an element of mischief. "Quite, quite, my boy. Thank you for reminding me. Well, do you not think Harry might have inherited some of that formidable intelligence?"
Snape sneered. "If you are asking whether James Potter's heritage is sufficiently strong to overpower that of Lily Evans', I would not hesitate to say no. The notion that Harry's тАУ I mean, Potter's тАУ only maternal inheritance is the color of his eyes is absurd. I am confident that Lily's influence will in fact overpower that idiot's, and the boy тАУ brat тАУ will resemble his mother a great deal, once his own personality begins to reveal itself."
"I am a bit concerned, then, Severus. We both know that Ravenclaws, for all their fearsome intellect, do tend to be overly influenced by logical arguments. If Harry is able to combine Lily's cleverness with James' persuasiveness, I wonder if there is a Ravenclaw alive who will be able to withstand Harry's arguments."
Snape frowned. He hadn't thought of that. "Well, Headmaster, there must be someone. It isn't as if we can look to Slytherin. There weren't many Slytherins in the Order during the War, and of those few of us, fewer still survived. Other than myself, I can only think of two, and Giles is in Australia while Jean is out of the question for тАУ oh, no. No, no, no. Not on your life!"
"Now, Severus," Albus said easily, "you must admit that you yourself admirably fulfill the criteria you have identified."
"Absolutely not! I am not going to be that brat's guardian! Have you gone mad?"
"Well, if you are so opposed тАУ" Dumbledore sighed.
"I am! And you must be insane to contemplate it. Especially after my actions of the other night, do you imagine Minerva or Poppy would consent to having me named as Potter's guardian?"
"Well, Minerva seems to think тАУ"
"She was clearly hallucinating. I have long believed that menopause did something to Minerva's mind," Snape snarled, too nonplussed by Dumbledore's ridiculous suggestion to consider the wisdom of making such a statement without instantly obliviating all within earshot, including himself.
"Very well," the Headmaster said airily. "Then let us think of who else might be suitable. It will obviously be important to find someone with whom Harry can form an attachment. After his deplorable treatment by the Dursleys, I wonder how difficult that might be."
Severus snorted, highly relieved to have dissuaded the Headmaster from his previous, highly inappropriate line of thought. "I wouldn't worry too much, Albus. After all, the boy has already showed signs of having bonded to me." Too late, he saw the trap.
"No! Wait! I тАУ"
"Well, well, my boy. It does seem as if we keep coming back to the same place, no matter what route we take," Albus beamed. "It would seem to be destined for you тАУ"
"NO." Snape bolted to his feet, looking about wildly as if for an escape route. "This is madness! I am wholly unsuitable!"
"How so?" Dumbledore interrupted genially. He completely ignored Snape's frantic head shaking and panicked pacing. "You are certainly able to give Harry the attention he requires. You have no other family commitments nor plans for any. You have already done extensive research into the proper treatment of such a child. You understand all too well what being the victim of abuse is like. You are also better placed than anyone else to understand the dangers that Harry faces тАУ and will face тАУ from Dark powers. You have sufficient strength of character to withstand any emotional manipulation, and your intellect will certainly demolish any spurious arguments, not to mention nipping overly 'Gryffindorish' tendencies in the bud. I am certain that you will have no difficulty establishing a clear framework of rules and responsibilities, and while I suspect that you may need to work on demonstrating emotional openness and caring, I imagine that Harry will be able to help you in that regard."