"Well, Potter," Draco said in a low voice that didn't carry, still with that very controlled face that was twitching occasionally, "Just wanted to say, when you take advantage of emergencies to demonstrate leadership, you want to look like you're in total control of the situation, rather than, say, going into a complete panic." Mr. Goyle giggled, and Draco shot him a quelling look. "But you probably scored a few points anyway. You need any help stowing that healer's kit?"
Harry turned to look at the Healing Pack, which got his own face turned away from Draco. "I think I'm fine," Harry said. He put the syringe back in its place, redid the latches, and stood up.
Ernie Macmillan arrived just as Harry was feeding the pack back into his mokeskin pouch.
"Thank you, Harry Potter, on behalf of Hufflepuff," Ernie Macmillan said formally. "It was a good try and a good thought."
"A good thought indeed," drawled Draco. "Why didn't anyone in Hufflepuff have their wands out? Maybe if you'd all helped instead of just Potter, you could've caught him. I thought Hufflepuffs were supposed to stick together?"
Ernie looked like he was torn between getting angry and wanting to die of shame. "We didn't think of it in time -"
"Ah," said Draco, "didn't think of it, I guess that's why it's better to have one Ravenclaw as a friend than all of Hufflepuff."
Oh, hell, how was Harry supposed to juggle this one... "You're not helping," Harry said in a mild tone. Hoping Draco would interpret that as you're interfering with my plans, please shut up.
"Hey, what's this?" said Mr. Goyle. He stooped to the grass and picked up something around the size of a large marble, a glass ball that seemed to be filled with a swirling white mist.
Ernie blinked. "Neville's Remembrall!"
"What's a Remembrall?" asked Harry.
"It turns red if you've forgotten something," Ernie said. "It doesn't tell you what you forgot, though. Give it here, please, and I'll hand it back to Neville later." Ernie held out his hand.
A sudden grin flashed across Mr. Goyle's face and he spun around and raced away.
Ernie stood still for a moment in surprise, and then shouted "Hey!" and ran after Mr. Goyle.
And Mr. Goyle grabbed a broomstick, hopped on with one smooth motion and took to the air.
Harry's jaw dropped. Hadn't Madam Hooch said that would get him expelled?
"That idiot!" Draco hissed. He opened his mouth to shout -
"Hey!" shouted Ernie. "That's Neville's! Give it back!"
The Slytherins started cheering and hooting.
Draco's mouth snapped shut. Harry caught the sudden look of indecision on his face.
"Draco," Harry said in a low tone, "if you don't order that idiot back on the ground, the teacher's going to get back and -"
"Come and get it, Hufflepuffle!" shouted Mr. Goyle, and a great cheer went up from the Slytherins.
"I can't!" whispered Draco. "Everyone in Slytherin would think I'm weak!"
"And if Mr. Goyle gets expelled," hissed Harry, "your father is going to think you're a moron!"
Draco's face twisted in agony.
At that moment -
"Hey, Slytherslime," shouted Ernie, "didn't anyone ever tell you that Hufflepuffs stick together? Wands out, Hufflepuff!"
And there were suddenly a whole lot of wands pointed in Mr. Goyle's direction.
Three seconds later -
"Wands out, Slytherin!" said around five different Slytherins.
And there were a whole lot of wands pointed in Hufflepuff's direction.
Two seconds later -
"Wands out, Gryffindor!"
"Do something, Potter!" whispered Draco. "I can't be the one to stop this it has to be you! I'll owe you a favour just think of something aren't you supposed to be brilliant?"
In around five and a half seconds, realised Harry, someone was going to cast the Sumerian Simple Strike Hex and by the time it was over and the teachers were done expelling people the only boys left in his year would be Ravenclaws.
"Wands out, Ravenclaw!" shouted Michael Corner who was apparently feeling left out of the disaster.
"GREGORY GOYLE!" screamed Harry. "I challenge you to a contest for possession of Neville's Remembrall!"
There was a sudden pause.
"Oh, really?" said Draco in the loudest drawl Harry had ever heard. "That sounds interesting. What sort of contest, Potter?"
Er...
"Contest" had been as far as Harry's inspiration had gotten. What sort of contest, he couldn't say "chess" because Draco wouldn't be able to accept without it looking strange, he couldn't say "arm-wrestling" because Mr. Goyle would crush him -
"How about this?" Harry said loudly. "Gregory Goyle and I stand apart from each other, and no one else is allowed to come near either of us. We don't use our wands and neither does anyone else. I don't move from where I'm standing, and neither does he. And if I can get my hands on Neville's Remembrall, then Gregory Goyle relinquishes all claim to that Remembrall he's holding and gives it to me."
There was another pause as people's looks of relief transmuted to confusion.
"Hah, Potter!" said Draco loudly. "I'd like to see you do that! Mr. Goyle accepts!"
"It's on!" said Harry.
"Potter, what?" whispered Draco, which he somehow did without moving his lips.
Harry didn't know how to answer without moving his.
People were putting their wands away, and Mr. Goyle swooped gracefully to the ground, looking rather confused. Some Hufflepuffs started over towards Mr. Goyle, but Harry shot them a desperately pleading look and they backed off.
Harry walked toward Mr. Goyle and stopped when he was a few paces away, far enough apart that they couldn't reach each other.
Slowly, deliberately, Harry sheathed his wand.
Everyone else backed away.
Harry swallowed. He knew in broad outline what he wanted to do, but it had to be done in such a way that no one understood what he'd done -
"All right," Harry said loudly. "And now..." He took a deep breath and raised one hand, fingers ready to snap. There were gasps from anyone who'd heard about the pies, which was practically everyone. "I call upon the insanity of Hogwarts! Happy happy boom boom swamp swamp swamp!" And Harry snapped his fingers.
A lot of people flinched.
And nothing happened.
Harry let the silence stretch on for a while, developing, until...
"Um," someone said. "Is that it?"
Harry looked at the boy who'd spoken. "Look in front of you. You see that patch of ground that looks barren, without any grass on it?"
"Um, yeah," said the boy, a Gryffindor (Dean something?).
"Dig it up."
Now Harry was getting a lot of strange looks.
"Er, why?" said Dean something.
"Just do it," said Terry Boot in a weary voice. "No point asking why, trust me on this one."
Dean something kneeled down and began to scoop away dirt.
After a minute or so, Dean stood up again. "There's nothing there," Dean said.
Huh. Harry had been planning to go back in time and bury a treasure map that would lead to another treasure map that would lead to Neville's Remembrall which he would put there after getting it back from Mr. Goyle...
Then Harry realised there was a much simpler way which didn't threaten the secret of Time-Turners quite as much.