Here are some possible realizations — out of many others:
"Failing repeatedly means that I know a lot about how to fail; if I just do the opposite, that should be a path to success "
"Some healthy food is fattening, so avoiding that will make it easier for me to lose weight "
"Since I'm lazy, I'm motivated to find ways to get a job done faster with less effort, and that will make my boss happy "
"When I think that a sentence is totally crazy, thinking how it could be true can sometimes result in a useful new understanding "
"Even though this may be new to you, you'll find yourself noticing when you and other people use those two words, and become more aware ofthe change in attitude and outlook that results from doing that "
Since adding in a more useful voice can be so dramatically helpful, what would happen if we added in several of them, speaking simultaneously, like a chorus? In the next chapter you will learn how to do that.
6 Auditory Perspective[1]
The word "perspective" may seem out of place in a book about internal voices, because that word is usually understood visually, as a way of seeing events, or a particular point ofview. The word perspective is often used in an abstract or metaphorical way, in contrast to a specific description or instruction about what to do. If you have ever had someone tell you, "I wish you could get a better perspective on this problem," you probably had no idea how to accomplish that. They provided a general outcome, but no specific way to actually achieve it.
There are many kinds of perspective, and it can help to first illustrate them in the visual system, where they are more familiar and easier to describe, before moving to the auditory system. There are many, many ways to gain perspective.1
Fundamentally, the word perspective is used in situations in which we experience something in relation to something else, the "the appearance of things relative to one another." This is something that we do unconsciously thousands of times a day, because it is important to know how things around us are related to each other. If I want to pick up something that is lying on a table, I need to know its location in relation to me in order to do that.
In a painting, when we see similar objects (such as trees) painted in different sizes, we don't see them in isolation, we see them in relation to each other. Because of our experience of things in the real world, we perceive the smaller ones as being farther away, creating a sense of distance and depth. If a painting showed a mouse and a person the same size, since we know that a mouse is actually much smaller than a person, we would either see the mouse much closer to us to account for this, or assume that the mouse was much larger, a giant mouse.
One way to describe most problems or unhappiness is that we develop "tunnel vision," narrowly focusing in on a problem while ignoring everything else that surrounds it. Expanding our field of vision to include much more of what is happening simultaneously in the moment provides a larger context that is literally wider and broader in scope, in which we see the problem in relation to what is around it, the "big picture" that includes much more information.
For instance, if you have a plumbing problem, and you focus on that alone, it can seem overwhelming. You may even go on to other responses, like "Oh, it's not fair; these things happen at the most inconvenient times," a line of thinking that takes you into an unpleasant and unfair world of experience — and away from your problem entirely. But if you expand your focus to include all the other aspects of your home that are functioning well to keep you warm and safe, or think about what it would be like to have no plumbing at all, you can put the plumbing problem "in perspective" by relating it to other things or events.
Within a larger context, the problem typically appears much smaller and easier to solve. The additional information included in the big picture may even provide a basis for a solution that wasn't available when focusing exclusively on the problem. If you have ever had a bad leak in a pipe and tried to stop it, expanding your scope to include the main shutoff valve helps tremendously.
Years ago I had a friend who often focused very narrowly. Once we were working together on a truck, putting on a radiator hose. He was busily tightening the metal clamp with a screwdriver, and he was puzzled because the hose was still loose, even after he had been tightening it for some time. Finally the hose started folding and crumpling, and he realized that it had slipped off the metal tube at the back of the radiator. He was so focused on the hose and the clamp that he didn't notice something only a few inches away. On another occasion, he was using a pocketknife to cut a string that bound together a bunch of fruit trees that we were going to plant. He was oblivious to the fact that he was holding the bundle of trees with his left hand; as soon as the knife cut through the string, it would go right into his left hand!
When a doctor has to tell someone bad news about a serious illness, they typically only talk about the problem, and what needs to be done. The person receiving the bad news will usually think of the illness in isolation, and may become very upset. The resulting stress doesn't help them make difficult decisions about treatment alternatives, and also doesn't help them heal.
Now imagine that your doctor did the following, instead: "If we were to take CAT scans or MRIs of your entire body, and put them up on view (gesturing as if putting a series of a dozen or more images up on the translucent viewing screen) we would find that almost all of them would show that your body is functioning in a healthy way, responding quickly and appropriately to any temporary injury or imbalance. Now (gesturing putting up one more image) there is a significant problem in this one area that we need to do something about."
Seeing the illness or injury in relation to all those other images of healthy functioning would create a much broader perspective in which the illness would seem much less significant and less upsetting, and the prospects for treatment recovery would seem much better.
Another kind of perspective is to see an event that occurred in one place and time in relation to another in a different place and time. If someone you care for scowls at you, it would be easy to assume that they are angry with you and become upset. However, if you remember that they lost their job a couple of days ago, you can see their unhappiness in relation to that past event, and perhaps feel some compassion for what they are going through, a very different response that will probably be more useful than getting upset.
Whenever we plan, we think of what we can do now, in relation to how it will influence what will happen later, in a sequence of experiences. "If I leave before 3, I'll avoid rush hour traffic." "If I prepare thoroughly, then I'll be pleased with the result." "If I turn down eating that sweet dessert now, I'll be able to enjoy a slender body that feels good all the time."
Yet another kind of perspective results from seeing an unpleasant event, while simultaneously seeing several pleasant ones. For instance, you can literally see someone's annoying behavior side by side with several images of times when you enjoyed their companionship in different ways. Seeing all those images together at the same time provides a "balanced perspective" that would be lost if you only saw their annoying behavior in isolation.
We also tend to take a problem experience out of the flow of time. If you see a still picture of a problem event, that isolates it from all the events that preceded it and followed it. And since a still picture doesn't change, it seems to last for all eternity, magnifying the unpleasantness. This is something that happens commonly in people who have PTSD or other traumas. While this kind of concentration can sometimes be useful in order to study a problem to see what can be done, a narrow view often leaves out the very information that we need in order to start moving toward a solution.
1
This chapter is adapted from the appendix to