Obviously, no one else cared enough even to acknowledge Faith's presence in the hospital — or her absence from the life she had led before the accident.
Where was that blond man?
How could he be so vivid in her mind — her only real memory — if he had not been a recent part of her life?
A nurse came in carrying a stack of magazines. "I brought you a few more, honey." She was a motherly woman with a warm voice and gentle hands, an dover the last few days she had been the most helpful and encouraging of the nurses.
"Thanks, Kathy." She eyed the short, neat, unpolished nails of the nurse, then looked at her own still-ragged ones. "Kathy, do you happen to have a nail file?"
"I'll get one for you." Kathy put the magazines on the bed and smiled at her with genuine pleasure.
"You're looking much better today, honey. And obviously feeling better."
Faith smiled at her. "I am, thanks."
"Dr. Burnett will be pleased. You're one of his favorites, you know."
Faith had to laugh. "Because he wants to write that paper on me, and we both know it. Not too many long-term-coma patients wake up."
"That's true," Kathy said soberly. "And those who do tend to be in much worse shape than you are, honey. With you, it's almost like you were just sleeping."
Faith didn't feel as though she had just been sleeping, but said only, "I know how lucky I am, believe me. And you and the other nurses have been terrific."
That makes a difference.
Kathy patted Faith's shoulder, said, "I'll go get that nail file," and left the room.
It was easy enough to say the right words. Faith had been doing that for days now. She had been positive and upbeat. She had listened closely to the psychiatrist on staff and obediently followed her advice to take things one step at a time. She had agreed with the nurses' cheerful predictions that her life would get back on track sooner rather than later. She had read newspapers and magazines and watched television to catch up on current events. She had made herself smile at Dr. Burnett when he visited and had not mentioned the devastating panic that was always with her and how she often woke in the night terrified by the blankness inside herself. She had some knowledge now, but almost all of it dated from the moment she'd opened her eyes in the hospital. The nurses' faces were familiar, as were the doctors'. The layout of her floor and that of the physical therapy rooms two stories above.
These things she knew.
And there was, absent from her mind until someone asked her a direct question, the sort of knowledge that came from a normal education. She had completed several crossword puzzles, and a game show she had found on television had shown her that she had some awareness of history and science.
Facts. Dates. Occurrences.
Fairly useless trivia, for the most part.
But of memories, all she had, all she could claim as her own dating from that otherwise blank part of her life, were the dreams of a blond man she thought she had loved.
There had been two other dreams before today, and they were brief and very similar; just scenes from a relationship, casual and intimate. Each time, the scene had erupted into laughter and ended in lovemaking.
But she still didn't remember his name.
She hadn't mentioned the dreams to anyone. They were something all her own, a piece of herself not given to her by someone else, and she held on to them as to an anchor.
"Here you go, Faith." Kathy returned to the room and handed her the nail file. "Before you start working on those nails, how about a trip around the floor? Doctor's orders."
Faith was more than ready to move. Painful as it still was, at least it allowed her to concentrate on muscles and bones and balance, instead of having to keep thinking and wondering.
"You bet," she said, and threw back the covers.
On November fourteenth, three weeks after waking up from her coma and nine weeks after the accident, Faith went home.
She was not fully recovered. She still got tired very easily, her sleep was erratic and disturbed by dreams she remembered and nightmares she didn't, and her emotional state was, to say the least, fragile.
Dr. Burnett drove her to her apartment, claiming it was on his way home but fooling nobody. He had several times shown himself more than a little protective of Faith.
Faith was more than happy to accept his escort.
She was nervous and panicky, afraid the place where she lived would add memories. Terrified it would not.
She wore her own clothes, thanks to Dinah Leighton's foresight in packing a bag for her and taking it to the hospital just a week after the accident, but though the slacks and sweater fit fairly well, she was uncomfortable in them. Perhaps it was because she had spent so much time in a nightgown.
Her apartment was on the sixth floor of a nice but ordinary building in a suburb of Atlanta. No doorman or guard greeted them, but everything looked clean and in good repair, and the elevator worked smoothly.
Dr. Burnett came in with her, carrying her small overnight bag, which he set down by the door. "Why don't we take a look around?" he suggested, watching her. "I don't want to leave you until you're comfortable here."
Faith accepted the suggestion because she didn't want to be alone.
The apartment was ... nice. Ordinary. There was one bedroom; the queen-size brass bed had a floral, ruffled comforter set, with lots of pillows tossed against the shams. Curtains at the single window matched the comforter. There was a nightstand and a chair, both white wicker and a white laminated dresser with an oval wicker-framed mirror hanging above it. The color scheme was white and pink.
Faith thought it an odd choice for a redhead, and rather girlish.
The one bathroom was small and standard, with white tiles and plain fixtures. The rugs, towels, and curtains on the window and shower bore another floral pattern, this one with pink and purple predominating.
The kitchen was also standard, white cabinets and a neutral counter top blending perfectly with the vinyl floor. There was a small breakfast table, again of white wicker and glass, with a cheap area rug underneath it. Little attempt had been made to personalize the space as far as Faith could see. There were no place mats on the table, and except for a coffeemaker, nothing cluttered the counter tops.
The living room struck her as having been recently decorated, and she had the feeling — certainly not a memo that some picture in a magazine had been the inspiration. The intended style might have been shabby chic, with distressed wood, lots of texture in materials, and antique-looking accessories.
It didn't quite work, though she couldn't have explained why.
"Nice place," Burnett said.
She nodded, even as she wondered why the little apartment felt stifling to her. Was it the several locks on the door, an indication of someone who had shut the world out herself in? Faith didn't know, but it disturbed her.
She shrugged out of her jacket and left it over a chair, then returned to the kitchen and checked the cabinets and the refrigerator.
"Sloan was as good as his word," she noted, seeing the stock of foods.
The lawyer had come to see her several days ago, after being notified by Dr. Burnett that she was up to having visitors. He had explained the financial situation, including Dinah Leighton's arrangements to pay the hospital bill and the trust fund she had set up for Faith's use. Her disappearance, he had explained without emotion, changed none of that.
In addition, Faith's regular monthly bills had been paid, including recently incurred debts. She wasn't to worry, everything had been taken care of.
Then he had promised to have her apartment cleaned and stocked with food, ready for her return.
All per Dinah's careful arrangements.
Faith had been given a generous amount of cash, and her checking account, he told her, had been credited with even more. In add' on to that, her rent had been paid for the next six months.