Sid sighed heavily then started pulling off her tattered and muddy clothes. I watched her as she undressed. Once more, that strange longing filled me, a sensation I didn’t know what to do with. My eyes drifted over her breasts, and my mind went back to pleasant memories.
Sid paused then looked up at me.
She smirked. “Dirty as I am, glad to know I can still put that look on your face.”
“Sid,” I chided her then looked away, my cheeks reddening.
Sid moved behind me then, pushed my hair to one side, and set some soft kisses on my neck, her hands reaching around to cup my breasts. My heart beat hard in my chest. “Raven beak,” she whispered then pulled away. Grabbing a cloak from near the door, she pulled it on then headed outside half-naked.
“Want a bath?” she asked.
I shook my head.
She slipped open her robe so I had a full view of her naked self. “You sure?”
“Sid!”
She giggled then turned and rushed off.
Shaking my head, I closed the door behind her. Was there ever anyone else in the world like my old friend?
* * *
Madelaine and I spent the next several weeks at the coven, but as Lughnassadh neared, we knew we must go. Soon, others would arrive for the festival. I could not let outsiders see Crearwy and me together. It would be dangerous if people discovered her maternity.
I spent my last day at the coven with Crearwy and Lulach. I took them for a walk to the stream. We stopped to look at every stick and leaf they found interesting. Thora dodged between them, making them both laugh—and, often, fall down. They had both just started walking. Their dawdling steps were adorable.
Afterward, I went back to Epona’s house and fed my children their lunch. They sat side by side fingering through their plates and giggling at one another.
“You’re a good mother. I feel very guilty for having taken your child. Sometimes the Goddess asks us to do things that are difficult, but I want you to know I’m sorry,” Epona told me.
“Crearwy is happy and well taken care of,” I said.
“But she is not in your care, nor with her brother, and I apologize for that.”
I was silent as I digested her words. “Thank you,” I finally said in reply. “But it’s better this way. I would not wish the court life on her.” After a few moments, I turned at looked at Epona. Her hands, which had always looked so smooth, were wrinkled and covered in spots. “You’re aging,” I said simply.
Epona nodded. “My time is coming to an end.”
“How soon?”
“I will wait until Crearwy is ready. You can measure time with that knowledge.”
“You riddle like Andraste.”
Epona laughed. “Someday you too will riddle.”
“If I live that long.”
“What a thing to say.”
She was right. What a thing to say. Why had I said that?
Outside, I heard Uald and Madelaine talking. The jingle of rigging told me that the horses had already been saddled.
“I fear it will be awhile before I can return,” I told Epona.
She nodded. “Change is in the wind. “
We sat in silence until the children finished eating. Once they were done, Epona and I washed their hands and faces. I picked up Crearwy while Epona held Lulach.
“Lulach, you must say goodbye to Crearwy. We have to leave now,” I told him. “Can you give her a kiss?” Epona brought him close, and Lulach pressed his face—more smashing than kissing—against his sister’s cheek.
Crearwy let out the softest of giggles.
“Well, that’s a first,” Epona said.
I looked at my daughter. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. Be a good girl, Crearwy. Listen to Epona,” I said.
The little girl stared at me, her dark blue eyes meeting mine.
A tear rolled down my cheek.
Crearwy scowled when she saw it, her lower lip trembling. She reached out and wiped it off.
“Sweet baby,” I whispered, pressing her against me.
“Mum,” she said.
Swallowing hard, I kissed my daughter then went back outside where the others waited.
“Come to me,” Sid told Crearwy, taking her from my arms.
I leaned in and kissed Sid on the cheek. “I’ll miss you.”
“No, you’ll forget me. Like always.”
“Sid!”
She laughed. “I’ll miss you too.”
I kissed Crearwy once more then turned to go.
Druanne nodded to me, Juno smiling in farewell. Uald and Aridmis both embraced me, then Uald helped me mount then lashed Lulach securely onto the saddle and against me.
“I’ll have to find him a pony. When you come next time, we’ll teach him how to ride,” she said.
I smiled at her. Though tears threatened, I held them back.
Madelaine was already ahorse, and Thora was waiting by the exit.
“Until next time,” Epona called, lifting her hand in farewell.
I inclined my head to her then turned and looked at Crearwy once more. I waved goodbye and turned Kelpie toward the exit.
I had no words.
“Lulu!” Crearwy called.
I turned Kelpie once more so we could look back.
“Wave goodbye,” I told Lulach who waved.
Sid held Crearwy, bouncing her in her arms, but Crearwy simply stared at us.
Waving goodbye once more, I turned, and we rode away from the coven.
I’d have to go back north now, back to Macbeth, away from Crearwy and Madelaine. Epona was right. The future was coming into the present, and I would have to be ready for what would come next. Even if I wanted nothing to do with it.
Chapter 30
In the days that followed, I prepared to leave Madelaine. I tried not to mope, especially when I realized that Ute looked even more distressed than me. I was just finishing up packing the last of my new dresses—another haul of gifts from Madelaine—when Ute finally said what she’d been dancing around for days.
“My lady,” she began, her voice cracking. “I…have something to ask of you.”
She had just closed the bag containing Lulach’s belongings.
I turned and looked at her. Huge tears hung on her lower lids.
“What is it, Ute? What’s the matter?”
“My lady, if she will have me, I would like to stay on with Lady Madelaine. The staff here is all very kind, and they speak well of your aunt and the Thane of Fife.”
I stared at her.
“It’s not anything against you, Gruoch. God knows I will miss Lulach more than I can stand. I just… I don’t want to return to Inverness.”
I crossed the room and took her hand. “Some ill deed was done to you in my house, wasn’t it? The child? Is that why?”
“I don’t want to discuss it. I beg you to forgive me, but please, let me stay.”
“Ute,” I said, feeling my heart beat hard. Unbidden, I heard the beating wings of the raven. I closed my eyes, seeking to control the rage. “You must tell me who harmed you. They must pay for what they’ve done.”
Ute turned away. “My lady, I am sorry, but I will not name the man. Perhaps there was some misunderstanding between us. I… I’m not sure. My mind is so confused about it. Please forgive me, but I would like to stay here, if you will allow it.”
I reined in my anger. It would not serve me here, especially if Ute had chosen not to speak of it. “Lulach will miss you terribly.”
“I know. And I him.”
I sighed. “Madelaine will treat you well. I’ll talk to her.”
“Thank you, Gruoch,” Ute said, wiping her cheeks.