A rustling, and then Avery was back. “I think it’s pretty safe to say that no one asked Jacks to bang you, and you might want to tell him that next time he’s in Wellingford, the Flannery brothers are going to knock his teeth in.”
The back of her legs hit the bed and she let herself fall onto it. Again. They hadn’t set him out to seduce her? Not that she really believed that either Drew or Ryan would give the green light on something like that—it was too cold for them—but that didn’t mean a damn thing. The thing between her and Luke wasn’t real. Nothing had been real since their encounter in the alley. “But… What about all the stuff he said?”
“Honey, I don’t have the slightest idea what you’re talking about. We sent him out there to make sure you didn’t jump to your death or get murdered or taken into the slave trade. That was it. He wasn’t even supposed to be in contact with you if there was a choice in the matter.”
His words rolled through her. It was real, darlin’. All of it. “I… He lied to me.” He said what he needed to in order to keep her moving, keep her thinking she was doing things on her own when all along there’d been a safety net in place. A safety net she hadn’t asked for or wanted.
“Yeah, that was kind of in the job description.” The connection dissolved into static, and when it came back, Avery sounded calmer. “I have no idea what happened between you two, but if you want to share, I’m listening.”
“So you can send someone else out here to clean up the mess?”
“Good God, Alexis, cut it out. I want you happy, and if you’re going to promise me you’ll be safe, then I’ll do my damnedest to sit on my hands until you come home.” She paused. “You…are coming back, right?”
There was no question. As stifling as Wellingford had become over the last few months, it was still home. She couldn’t imagine herself anywhere else. And beyond that, she had a little niece or nephew coming into the world in a very short amount of time. She’d have to be a lot worse off to actually walk away from her family. “Yeah, I think so.”
“Thank God.”
Though part of her wanted to keep on the path of her righteous anger, she couldn’t do it. The truth was, she missed her sister. This was the longest they’d ever gone without talking, and it was downright unnatural. So she took a shuddering breath and let go of the rage that had taken the driver’s seat for most of the day. “I went to Austria and saw the gazebo.”
“The one—”
“Yeah. It was just like in the picture. I…I actually felt close to her there for the first time in a long time.” She took a shaky breath. “I miss her, Avery. It’s like losing her all over again, but it feels cleaner this time. I’m glad I went.” Glad that she’d finally faced all the fears she’d kept hidden in her heart of hearts. That had felt real, no matter that it was a lie that had taken her to Austria with Luke by her side.
“Did you find what you were looking for?”
That was the question, wasn’t it? She thought back over the last week, over the things she’d seen and the places she’d gone. Over her fights with Luke and the nights that lit her entire body on fire. Over the way he’d bared himself to her so completely, and hadn’t flinched when she’d returned the favor. Why would he flinch? He knew everything before getting on a plane to come after me. That wasn’t acceptance. That was him playing a part to make me feel like I was actually stronger than I am. “I wish you hadn’t sent him.”
“Honey, whatever you think he did, I should be the first to tell you—Jacks is a really shitty actor. The man wears his thoughts on his face like nobody’s business. I actually won a pretty penny from him playing poker last time he was in town visiting Ryan.”
“But…” He had been a giant asshole when they first met. Even when he’d dragged her up to his room, he’d been angry. It was only in Norway that some of that finally started to break, and then fall away completely in Salzburg. She wanted to keep silent, but the thought circling her mind had to be voiced. “I fell for him, Avery. So hard that I don’t know which way is up.”
“Luke’s a good guy.” Her sister sounded like she didn’t want to admit it, but Avery wasn’t much of a liar, either. “Kind of a grouchy crankypants, but a good man.”
“How am I supposed to know what’s real and what’s a lie? I can’t trust him.” She couldn’t trust the peace she’d felt because of him. No matter how much she wanted to.
“Honey, he told you his real name, and I doubt he bothered to come up with an entire fictional backstory. If I had my guess, it sounds like the only thing he didn’t tell you was why he was in Europe to begin with.”
“You can’t know that. He… He said all the right things to make me think I was doing this. He played me.”
“I don’t know about that. But you do. One way or another, you have to trust your instincts.”
“I don’t have any instincts left.” Every step she’d made along the way was the wrong one, from what she chose to major in to whom she almost married. It was all wrong.
Avery sighed. “Yeah, you do. You’ve just been such a people pleaser since Mom died that you buried them deep. Why don’t you take a few days, see some stuff, and figure out how you feel? If you want to tell Jacks to take a flying leap after that, do it. If you want to give him another chance, well, that’s an option, too. It’s your choice.”
Her choice. She felt like she’d spent so much of the last ten years just reacting. Booking the ticket to Cork was the first time she’d been proactive in her own life, and look where it had led her—in Venice alone, nursing a broken heart. “I’m afraid.”
She laughed. “You jumped on a plane to Europe with no plan. That’s as brave as a person gets. Just trust yourself.”
Her chest felt too tight. Did Avery know how hard it’d be for her to take that leap of faith where he was concerned? Every time she’d done it in the past, she’d been kicked in the face as a result. No matter what her sister thought, she couldn’t argue with Alexis’s track record. Who was to say her time with Luke was any different?
But…it had felt different. She’d never responded to Eric—or anyone else—the way she did with Luke. He’d brought out a side of her she didn’t know existed, a strong and snappy woman she’d been certain was broken a long time ago. Maybe Avery did know how difficult it’d be for her, but her sister wanted Alexis happy. She’d move heaven and earth to make it happen if it was within her power. Alexis fought back the tightness in her throat. “I love you.”
“I love you, too. Now go sightsee or whatever. Take lots of pictures!”
“I will. I promise.” She hung up, feeling marginally better. Trust her gut. Easier said than done, but at least she didn’t have to make a decision now. She could see a few more things, eat some amazing food, and then figure out how she felt about Luke.
Alexis had the creeping sense that she already knew damn well how she felt about it. She just needed some time to come to terms with it.
Chapter Twenty
Three days. Three goddamn days with no word. Not that Luke really expected one, but he’d prowled around Venice until he was ready to go out of his mind. There was no reason to think Alexis would stay in the city after their blowout, but that didn’t stop him from looking for her.
It also gave him a lot of time to think.
The kernel of realization that started during his conversation with that bartender, Tristina, bloomed into full-out self-loathing. If he’d been honest with Alexis from the beginning—Flannery be damned—then he could have avoided hurting her like this. The more he thought about it, the more he wondered if they wouldn’t have progressed in a similar way even if she knew why he was in Europe to begin with. It wasn’t like they’d been best friends from the start.