‘You should have told us you were getting married – we would have come along,’ Alex said for the second or third time.
Fredrika shifted uncomfortably on her chair.
‘We got married in secret. Even my parents weren’t there.’
Her mother still hadn’t forgiven her.
‘They didn’t try to recruit you in the USA?’ Alex said with a wry smile.
‘Who? NYPD?’
He nodded.
‘No, unfortunately. That really would have been a challenge.’
‘I was there on a course once. The Yanks are like everybody else. Good at some things, bad at others.’
Fredrika couldn’t comment on that point. She hadn’t worked for one single hour during her time in New York. Her entire existence had revolved around the two children, and on the task of getting Spencer back on his feet. Nothing had been the same since a student had accused him of rape two years ago. When they discovered that Fredrika was expecting their second child, they had initially agreed that a termination was the only way out.
‘We can’t cope with another child,’ Spencer had said.
‘It’s not the right time,’ Fredrika had agreed.
Then they had gazed at one another for a long time.
‘We’re keeping it,’ Spencer said.
‘That’s exactly how I feel,’ Fredrika said.
Alex put down his coffee cup with a clatter.
‘I thought you’d come back. To the police.’
‘You mean after New York?’
‘Yes.’
The noise of the other diners suddenly seemed intrusive.
Forgive me, she wanted to say. Forgive me for making you wait, even though I knew I had no intention of coming back.
But not one word passed her lips.
‘On the other hand, I understand that you couldn’t turn down a job with the Justice Department,’ Alex said. ‘It’s not every day you get an offer like that.’
It wasn’t an offer. I went after the bloody job, because I knew that my soul would rot if I came back to Kungsholmen.
Fredrika pushed back a strand of hair from her face.
‘That’s true.’
There was nothing more to say. After the case involving the writer who refused to speak and the graves in Midsommarkransen that Alex and his team had investigated in the spring of 2009, everything hads started to fall apart. When Margareta Berlin, the head of Human Resources, had called Alex into her office to tell him that the special unit he had led for the past few years was to be dissolved, the news was far from unexpected. The team was running on empty, and Alex was putting all his energy into his relationship with Diana Trolle, the new woman in his life, while Fredrika had fallen pregnant.
‘Have you heard from Peder?’
Alex gave a start when he heard Peder’s name.
‘No – how about you?’
She shook her head sadly.
‘Not since he cleared his office. But I did hear… that he wasn’t doing too well.’
‘I heard the same.’ Alex cleared his throat. ‘I bumped into Ylva last week. She told me a bit about how things had been.’
Fredrika tried to imagine the hell Peder was living through, but it was impossible. She didn’t know how many times she had tried, but it was always equally difficult.
Some things just don’t heal. However hard we fight.
She knew that Alex had a different view of the situation: he felt that Peder ought to pull himself together and move on. Which was why she hadn’t mentioned it before.
‘He’s got to stop behaving as if he has a monopoly on grief,’ Alex said, using the same words as he always did when they attempted to talk about what had happened. ‘He’s not the only one who’s lost someone close.’
Alex had lost his wife Lena to cancer, so he knew the dark depths of grief. But it seemed to Fredrika that there were essential differences between losing someone to cancer and having a brother murdered by a ruthless killer.
‘I don’t think Peder’s in a state where he can make decisions about how he’s feeling,’ she said, choosing her words with care. ‘His grief has become an illness.’
‘But he’s asked for help, and he’s been given help. And he’s still no better.’
They fell silent, reluctant to pursue the discussion. They knew that if they did, they would end up falling out, as usual.
‘I really do have to make a move.’
Fredrika started to gather up her things. Handbag, scarf, jacket.
‘You know I’ll always keep the door open for you.’
She stopped in mid-movement, thinking that no, she hadn’t actually known that at all.
‘Thanks.’
‘You were one of the best, Fredrika.’
Her cheeks grew hot and her vision was suddenly blurred.
Alex looked as if he was about to say something else, but she put a stop to that by getting to her feet. They left the restaurant together and, in the middle of Drottninggatan, Alex held out his arms and gave her a hug.
‘I miss you too,’ Fredrika whispered.
Then they went their separate ways.
Detective Inspector Alex Recht had a distinguished career behind him. He had spent many years in the police service, with considerable success. In 2007, his efforts had been rewarded: he was asked to form a special investigation team. It would be small, but would bring together the most competent individuals. Additional resources would be available when necessary. Alex had started by recruiting the relatively young but driven Peder Rydh; he had proved himself to be a talented and conscientious investigator, but his temperament could be volatile, and his judgement was sometimes flawed. With hindsight, Alex had asked himself if he was partly to blame for the tragedy that had occurred two years ago, resulting in Peder’s dismissal from the police service. He didn’t think so. It had been a terrible case, and the price had been high for all those involved.
But no one had paid a higher price than Peder’s brother, Jimmy.
Alex knew he shouldn’t brood on the case that had cost him so much. Following Peder’s sudden departure from the team, things had gone downhill fast. Fredrika Bergman, the only member of the team who hadn’t been handpicked by Alex, had lost her spark, and when she then became pregnant with her second child, it seemed to Alex that she somehow disappeared from active duty.
He was the first to admit that he hadn’t liked her initially. Fredrika was an academic, a civilian investigator with no real aptitude or interest in the job. For a long time, Alex had tried to circumvent her, giving her the simplest tasks he could find. Until one day he realised that he was wrong. In fact, she had a considerable aptitude for the job. However, her lack of interest was still a problem. Alex could see that she wasn’t happy within the organisation, and there wasn’t a great deal he could do to change things. The impetus had to come from her, and one day she turned a corner. When the case of Rebecca Trolle’s dismembered body landed on Alex’s desk, Fredrika came back early from her maternity leave. The team had reached its zenith that spring. They had never been better.
Alex picked up his coffee cup and went along to the kitchen for a top-up. He had a new job with the National Bureau of Investigation. A good job in a good team. Interesting cases related to serious organised crime. However, he couldn’t help missing the life he used to have. Before everything fell apart. Lunch with Fredrika had merely served to remind him of everything he had lost.
He wasn’t stupid; he realised that Fredrika had applied for the post with the Justice Department because she wanted to get away. It was hard to criticise her for making that choice. She was a conscientious and hardworking individual, and people like that always get restless. Alex wasn’t sure what her actual role was within the department; he knew that she had a certain amount of contact with the Security Service, but he hadn’t delved any further.
He had other things to think about.
People he had lost, in different ways.
‘You can’t keep going over it all like this,’ Diana had said only the day before. ‘You’ve got to put what has happened behind you.’