‘You think I don’t know that? He’s been that way since my mum died, and it’s why he’s never been very good at relationships. . until now, that is. Please God, let him and Sarah make a go of it this time.’
He turned his face back towards her, smiling. ‘You might put in a word for us too, while you’re at it.’
‘We don’t need His help,’ she declared. ‘As long as we get the children thing right this time,’ she added.
‘You really don’t want kids, do you?’
‘No. Certainly not now, and I’m not sure I ever will. I’m not full of love, Andy. I’ve only got so much in me to share around.’
‘We’ll see how you feel in a few years. Either way, I’ll be fine about it. I want what you want, end of story. But in a way, it’s interesting that you feel the way you do.
‘You think it was your mother’s death made Bob what he is? I don’t quite see it like that. I believe that his children are his driving forces, starting with you, of course. He wants you all to be proud of him. Even on the occasions when he’s had to put his life on the line, and there may have been more of those than you know about, he’s done it because he couldn’t bear you to think that he was afraid to. When I first met him, you were all he talked about. Even when he was in relationships you were the absolute centre of his universe.’
Alex smiled. ‘I think I knew that. When I was thirteen I actually told him I didn’t fancy another woman in our kitchen full-time. Can you believe that?’
He laughed. ‘Of you, sure I can.’
‘It was when he was with Alison Higgins. . not that I had anything against her, but there was someone else in the picture at that time and I didn’t see her as suitable, not at all.’
‘Was there? I don’t remember that. Mind you, I was a new kid in town then.’
‘Weren’t you just! You and Mario too. I look back and I realise how young you were, the pair of you. I didn’t think so then, though. You were very glamorous to a thirteen year old.’
‘Come on,’ Martin protested, ‘we’re not that old yet.’
‘You’re eternally young, my darling, both of you. Hey,’ she asked, spontaneously, ‘do you think Mario ever had a driving force?’
‘I know he did; he told me once. He joined the police to show both sides of his family that he could succeed at something that had no connection with their businesses.’
‘What about you?’
‘I’ve never thought about it, but if I did. . You? My kids?’
‘Never Karen?’
He frowned. ‘No, I’m afraid not. Probably I should never have married her, or she should have known better than to marry me.’
‘That’s not true. It seemed right to you both at the time, so no regrets.’
‘Oh, don’t get me wrong,’ he said. ‘I don’t have any. I have two lovely kids to show for it.’
‘Now that is true, and they are.’ Her face became solemn. ‘But Andy,’ she ventured, ‘do you never worry about people saying that you just used Karen as a brood mare, and then came back to me?’
‘Why, does that worry you?’
She pursed her lips, an odd gesture for her. ‘I’m under no illusions about what people think of me, especially women. One, who shall be nameless, called me a disgrace to my gender, right to my face.’
‘Then she’d better remain fucking nameless or I’ll be having words with her.’
‘Don’t worry, I had some myself. I threatened her with a defamation action.’ She winked. ‘Being a lawyer has its advantages sometimes. But if she’d said anything about you, I’d have needed one myself, for I’d have laid her as broad as she was long.’
He reached over and squeezed her hand. ‘Don’t you worry yourself. That thing has been said, in fact, that I just used Karen, but to her, not to me, at a women’s gathering up in Perth. She told me about it, and she was spitting nails when she did.’
‘Oh, that’s awful. What tactless bitch did that?’
‘No idea, but I do know she had her tail docked. Karen told her that, if anything, she was the user not me, because she’d wanted children more than I did. She even told the unfortunate lady that she, Karen, that is, was in your debt, because she’d always wanted to resume her career eventually, and as a serving chief constable’s wife, no way could she have done that.’
‘It would be nice if she really believed that,’ Alex murmured.
Andy sighed. ‘Look, you’re never going to be her best pal, but she’s okay about you. If she wasn’t, she’d give me grief about you being around Danielle and Robert, or about us taking them to Bob’s place at Gullane for the weekend. She doesn’t mind, Alex; that’s the honest truth. And also, she really is loving being back at work.’
Seven
If Detective Sergeant Karen Neville had put her mind to it, she could have hated Alexis Skinner; not for stealing her husband, but for dumping him when she had and throwing him back into the Edinburgh man pool, just as she herself was rebounding hard from a disastrous relationship.
But she believed that life was wasted if it was spent carrying grudges, plus she and Andy were agreed that they had done at least two things right in what had become, eventually, a sad, distant marriage, a point she had reiterated the evening before when he had picked up Danielle and Robert from her new house in Lasswade.
She believed also that hatred could only be destructive. She had seen enough of it in her career, and looking at the file that sat on top of the small stack of live investigations on her desk, her conviction was reinforced.
When she had applied to rejoin the police force, after her divorce and her move from Perth, she had expected to be accepted at her former rank but had assumed, more or less, that her first posting would be in uniform, somewhere, anywhere on the force’s extensive area. Her interview had been conducted by Mario McGuire, with a po-faced bloke from Human Resources sat alongside him, to keep the ACC serious and on message, she guessed.
That had worked, until they reached the point of confirmation, and the HR bod had produced a list of available postings for a uniformed sergeant. The big guy had taken it from him, politely, crumpled it into a ball, and tossed it into a waste basket, ten feet away. If he had missed, it might have spoiled the moment, but he hit it, dead centre.
‘With respect,’ he lied, ‘if Personnel thinks that I’m going to deprive CID of the services of a proven, experienced detective officer, it’s got it badly wrong. Karen, do you want to go back into CID?’
Her reply had been automatic. ‘Absolutely, sir.’
‘Okay. I need somebody in the office at the West End. Becky Stallings is going off on maternity leave, Jack McGurk’s being bumped up to acting DI, and with young Sauce Haddock. . you probably don’t know him. . going down to Leith on promotion, I’m light on experience at detective sergeant level. If the chief constable approves, and I believe she will, are you up for it?’
‘Yes please. Can my shift pattern include weekends?’
‘Are you sure about that? The stuff can hit the rotor blades on Saturdays and Sundays in that division.’
She had smiled at him. ‘Been there, and been splattered by that stuff; it would help with the kids, that’s why I ask.’
‘Then you’ve got it. That brings me to something else. What are we going to call you, Detective Sergeant?’
She had thought that one through before the interview, indeed as she was filling out the application form. ‘I style myself Ms Martin, sir, in my private life; I’m not going back to my maiden name, not with children. I’ve talked it through with my. . former husband,’ she had come close to calling him ‘Andy’, but had maintained formality, ‘and he’s perfectly fine with that. But professionally, I want to be what I always was, Karen Neville.’
‘Suppose he wasn’t, that wouldn’t matter to me, even though the Director of the Serious Crime and Drugs Agency and I go back to the last century as colleagues. Congratulations, Detective Sergeant Neville, and welcome back.’
She beamed at the recollection. Back in the moment, the huge man behind the desk opposite raised his eyebrows. ‘You’re one strange woman, Sarge,’ he said. ‘I draw weekend duty by rotation and I grumble about it. You volunteer and you’re smiling.’