One winter evening, General Pourat invited a seventh man to his home, his nephew. He was dark-skinned and younger than us all, with not more than thirty-three or thirty-four years. He possessed good looks, the wide jaw, small nose, and deep eyes I would see in film actors, and his physique was quite fit and powerful-looking beneath his finely tailored dark suit. Each time he raised his vodka cup to drink, his upper arm muscle would bunch into a round stone, and when one of the men commented on the young man’s power, Pourat said, “Yes, Bijan outlasts them all at the zur khaneh.”
One of the older gentlemen seated beside me began to speak of his boyhood in Rasht, how he would go with his father to the zur khaneh and witness all the large men there, half naked and sweating, lifting the milos over their heads while the chanter sang and played the domback drum in front of a fire and the hot stones a boy would pour water over to bring on more steam. And I did not care for the fashion in which Pourat’s nephew listened to this story; he drank his vodka and dipped three fingers, not two, into the mastvakhiar, and as he licked his fingers clean he would not even look at the older man speaking of his boyhood in Rasht. The young man kept his eyes on his stocking feet in front of him as if he were hearing something for the five hundredth time, something he of course knew completely before he’d heard it the first. When the gentleman beside me finished telling the story of his father and the zur khaneh, Pourat poured each of us more vodka and when we raised our cups in a toast to our past and to our traditions, I watched to make sure the younger man, this Bijan, held his cup low out of respect, which he did, though his face appeared impassive, and it was plain for me to see that here was a boy who was not only accustomed to being admired and looked at and listened to, he expected it as well.
“What is your nephew’s position, Genob General Pourat?” This was asked amiably by Mehran Hafsanjani, a small man who held a high rank and was a specialist in radar communications. The young man looked directly at Hafsanjani and he insulted Pourat, his uncle and host, by answering ahead of him: “I am with SAVAK, sir.”
Pourat immediately made a joke to us all to watch our manners, you never know what secrets these policemen have, but his nephew did not smile; he sat with his back erect, his thick arms resting at the wrist upon both knees, and he absently tapped two fingers on the carpet.
“My Bijan was trained in America, in New York.”
The handsome Savaki shook his head in a pretended show of modesty. I leaned forward. “And what did they teach you there, young Mr. Pourat?” I did not try to disguise the contempt in my voice, and my use of the word young, javoon, came out sounding like an insult, but I did not care; General Pourat was my oldest friend, the vodka was warm in my belly, I was a colonel. The handsome nephew looked directly at my eyes. “They taught us techniques, Genob Sarhang.”
“What sort of techniques?”
The young man surprised me; he glanced at his uncle to see if he should answer. Pourat nodded slightly, the light of the fire behind him in his eyes.
“Torture, Genob Sarhang.”
“They teach you this in America?” said another gentleman, a big radish of a bureaucrat named Ali.
“Among other things.” The trace of a smile passed over the young man’s face.
“I have heard some stories,” said Ali. “We all have.” He regarded General Pourat and cleared his throat. “I heard of a man in the Tudeh Party who was forced to watch his wife raped at the city prison.”
Young Pourat waved his hand as if at a fly upon his nose. “That is only effective for so long. If you want real information, you must take their children. Make a subversive watch his little one lose a hand or arm and they will tell you everything.” He smiled, his eyes on his vodka cup upon the floor. “But the difficult part of the work is knowing whom to arrest.”
Two men laughed.
I had heard these stories as well. We all had. But I felt the vodka inside me turn cool. “Do you enjoy your work, Mr. Pourat?”
The Savaki narrowed his eyes immediately. “Enjoyment has nothing to do with it. I serve Shahanshah, sir. I can only assume you do as well.”
The musicians had just completed a song and the room was quiet. A dry log crackled in the fire, then shifted in the coals. I felt the heat of my heart drop to my hands and for a brief moment I imagined my thumbs buried in the young policeman’s eyes.
General Pourat clapped his hands twice. “All right, all right, enough of this talk. You two surprise me. You are colleagues, you should act as such.” He turned to the musicians. “Play something festive!”
The general poured us all more vodka, and the moment passed. Soon I was mast, half drunk, with the others and we lay back upon our elbows on the carpet to smoke cigars and listen to the music. Occasionally I would look over at the young torturer and see him gazing into the fire, his eyes empty, and I wished he would leave our group early and not come back, for I did not like to be reminded of the secret police and all the people they made disappear in our land, these students and professionals, wives, mothers, husbands, fathers, children, illiterate cargars living in small homes of mud and wood scraps less than a kilometer from the grand palace with all of its fine ornaments imported from around the world; I did not like to think once again that America, with whom I did close business in the purchase of fighter jets, had such a hand in all this; I did not like to think this was the manner in which our king retained his throne and our way of life; but, most of all, I did not want to accept that General Pourat was correct when he said the young policemen and I were colleagues, so, once more, I drank more vodka than I should have, and the rest of the evening I did not dip my two fingers into the same bowl of mastvakhiar as the young torturer Bijan.
“Behrani?”
My wife stands in the doorway. Since moving, she has dressed each morning in lady’s cotton trousers and a loose pullover shirt in which she can work. Over the last few months she has lost too much weight. She wears a gold costume jewelry belt to hold her pants up and her hips look as slim as a boy’s. But she has applied cosmetics to her lips and eyes, and her thick hair is pulled up and back with a scarf.
“Yes, Nadi-jahn?”
“When must we move again?”
I take a breath. “Not too soon. Perhaps once we get a buyer we will tell them to wait until fall. Would you prefer that?”
She looks by me to the window, at the sun on our long grass, the road, the woodland beyond, her eyes becoming moist. “I will do as you wish, Massoud.”
I stand and hold my wife, and for a brief moment she allows this. I feel the softness of her chest against me. I smell her clean hair, the familiar scent of lavender and tea. But she steps away and walks quickly down the corridor to her work.
Nadi has always had more pride than a queen, and I am certain what just happened between us was an apology. But as I sit at my desk, I feel that caged heaviness in my belly that comes with a failure of courage, for it is I who should apologize; it is I who have helped to fly us so far off course.
I WAS ON CORONA BEACH, STILL WEARING THE SHORTS I’D WORKED IN,leaning back on an El Rancho Motel towel. The sky was clear and blue, no sign of the fog that can float in whenever it feels like it. The tide was low, and green waves curled in long and lazy, spreading out on the wet sand where four kids squatted building a hill for a red plastic truck.
My Monday job was a two-story duplex on the Colma River. The owner was a quiet CPA who had custody of his twelve-year-old daughter on the weekends. He had a beard and thick glasses and once he left me a typed note asking me out and I wrote in pencil on the bottom that I couldn’t, I was married, which was true, though Nick had already been gone for months. The CPA wrote an apology in a second note, and I’d felt like a liar and a chickenshit, and he never wrote any more notes, just left the check under a rainbow magnet on the fridge. After cleaning his small house, I drove straight to the motel and called Connie Walsh. It took her almost ten minutes to get to the phone and when she did she told me she was running late for court, she still hadn’t heard from the county, then she asked me to drop off my copy of the notarized tax statement. I told her I couldn’t find it. She said that wasn’t good news but keep your chin up; it’ll probably be in the records they’re sending. “And Kathy, I recommend you try and stay with friends. County bureaucrats are notorious for dragging their briefcases. This could take a few weeks to iron out.”