The obvious reasons for having sex in the wider world are amplified in a dangerous place. Popular science might explain it as your adrenalin-pumped body wanting a last chance to procreate. But having carried out a highly unscientific study amongst my friends, I would say that comfort and boredom are the principal factors motivating sex. Life anywhere away from home can be lonely, and the desire to be included, to be a part of something, draws many into bed. You might be under a lot of stress, finding it hard to sleep. Sex, and just plain human touch, will help some people deal with those pressures. Then there are the sexual scoundrels who look forward to time away from home to add a little something extra to their otherwise faithful relationships.
Monique Nagelkerke advises: ‘Don’t screw with the crew. Flirt with the same gender; it’s exciting and there’s no risk of anyone getting pregnant. And don’t worry about being embarrassed: when you leave the country you most likely will never meet up again.’
When time is precious and you are surrounded by danger, disaster and death, very little thought is given to the consequences of having sex. It’s awful to think of asking your devout Muslim translator to buy you some condoms, but how much worse would it be to ask him to buy you a pregnancy test? Unfortunately, all too often, casual sex in war zones leads to broken hearts and broken marriages.
My friend Shadi Alkasim has a simple solution: ‘It’s very hard to have sex in conflict areas, especially in Arab and Islamic countries. Customs and traditions there may put your life at risk if you have sex. My advice is to masturbate.’
/BOOZE AND DRUGS
Alcohol and drugs are often freely available – even encouraged – in a war zone. However, too much of either will lead to trouble. I have seen many a girl and boy ruined by one vodka too many. I have been amongst them. At one point my best friend even boycotted looking after me at parties. A killer shot would tip me over into monster mode. I learnt my lesson the hard way – via a few panicky morning-after pills, lost friendships and lost boyfriends – so I am now hyper-cautious about overdoing the booze in professional or dangerous situations.
Where there is danger, though, bravado follows. War zone junkies with years of experience writ on their faces will tell you to have another drink and ‘forget the curfew’, the underlying message being that you should join in the naughtiness in order to be part of the gang. Me and my gang at the Baghdad Bulletin did exactly that one night and were shot at twice on our screaming rush home in the early hours of the morning. We were breaking the law and no one would have been too sympathetic if we’d been killed. ‘I would never have done that,’ people would say. But the thing is, they would, and do.
Drinking competitions when you’re knackered, just returned from the field, see you pitted against burly cameramen and security guards. The competition? To prove you’re able to live on the edge and survive to tell the tale. People don’t just drink, they inhale. Individuals spend thousands of dollars on illicit alcohol and other mind-enhancing substances ‘to help them sleep’. It doesn’t work. And no one remembers why you had 30 shots before you collapsed in the hotel lobby – they’ll just remember the humiliating sight of you in a puddle of your own vomit.
So, at the risk of sounding like your mother, you have two choices if you want to remain sane and safe and out of the wrong people’s beds. Say no or find a way to minimize the impact of the booze:
• Eat a mouthful of food for every unit of alcohol.
• Drink a glass of water between each drink.
• Make sure the regular barman knows to make every third vodka and tonic without any vodka when the orders go up to the bar.
/SEXUAL HEALTH
Of course, this is often a taboo subject, or maybe just overlooked. Sexual health is probably the last thing on your mind as you head off to a dangerous place. But if you’re there for a while and find yourself running out of contraceptive pills or landing in some sort of sexually related trouble, it will be the only thing on your mind. Finding someone to help you will be more difficult out there than anywhere else in the world. Asking advice from the wrong doctor could put you in front of a judge, facing the harsh local laws before you’ve had time to say ‘condom’.
Helen Asquith is a London-based doctor working towards a career in international public health. She has travelled widely, observing doctors and hospitals around the world. Her streetwise view of medicine led me to ask her to write some advice on sexual health in dangerous places. Some of the advice below is a little unorthodox because it is aimed at solving problems when there are no professional solutions around. If you have access to medical help, though, you should always consult a doctor about any sexual health problems as soon as possible.
/PREVENTING SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES (STDs)
High rates of sexually transmitted infections and war zones go hand in hand. There are two main methods to stop infection in the first place:
Abstinence – former US President George W. Bush advocated this for Africa, but it’s not always feasible.
Condoms – the only form of contraception that prevents STDs.
A responsible sexually active adult should also have regular STD checks, especially when they change partners. Many STDs do not always cause symptoms, but you might pass infection on to a partner who develops serious complications, including infertility.
Perhaps you feel that you do not have sex often enough to warrant this? Don’t kid yourself! If you have sex with one person who has had sex with 20 people, you are effectively taking on that person’s risk.
/COMMON STDs
While this is not an exhaustive list, it covers some of the infections most likely to cross your path, describing their symptoms and what course of action to take.
If you have had unprotected sex and develop any of the symptoms listed, you should (if possible) go immediately to a reputable health centre for an STD test.
If you think you have one of the infections listed below, you should never have sex without a condom.
/URINARY TRACT INFECTIONS
Does it burn when you pee? Are you bursting for the loo, only to find that a pathetic trickle of liquid fire (perhaps laced with blood) is all you can produce? Are you sometimes worried that you won’t make it to the loo in time?
These are the symptoms of a urinary tract infection (UTI), such as cystitis, the bane of many women. Hot climates, lack of sufficient drinking water and dehydration make it even more likely to occur. Here are some tips on how to prevent and treat infection.
• Stock up on over-the-counter cystitis remedies before you go abroad. You can even ask your GP to give you an advance prescription of appropriate antibiotics.