Talk to the driver about the weather or the traffic. Create a friendly atmosphere, and attempt not to look ignorant — or like a tourist. If you look like you don’t know what you’re doing, the numbers on the meter will be left aside, and he will feel justified to create a «gringo surcharge.» (In other words, rip you off!) Cariocas will only take taxicabs in emergencies. A real Carioca will either drive, take the bus or hail a van.
The bus
If his car has been stolen, is in the shop, or if he just doesn’t have one, the Carioca will look to the public transportation system as a convenient, dependable means of getting around. Consequently, when riding the bus in Rio, you’ll have the opportunity to encounter Cariocas from all walks of life: from the executive who commutes on the bus to avoid dealing with the bother of downtown parking, to the Dragão Chinês (Chinese Dragon Popsicle) salesman who gets on the bus in mid-summer with a Styrofoam container filled with Popsicles, sells them all to the passengers, and then, before jumping off, announces to his captive audience that he loves having been born a Carioca because he gets to make a living without having to really work.
Riding the bus gives you a different perspective on the traffic, plus plenty of room to admire the view. You’ll feel a lot safer riding the bus, but it is a fake sense of security since bus drivers race and squeeze each other just like everybody else does. Only by trying it can you experience and believe the speed and G-forces that can be achieved while riding on a public bus.
The carioca coletivo
Buses will only stop at their bus stops, which are clearly marked by small wooden signs with numbers on them, either attached to poles by the road or hanging from nearby trees. The easiest way to spot a bus stop is to look for a gathering of people by the right side of the street, and there should be one every other block or so. Note: A real Carioca can manage to stop a bus away from the bus stop.
When picking up a passenger, some bus drivers tend to avoid coming to a complete stop, thus causing passengers to grab on and hop in while the bus is in motion. Since this requires running, jumping, and pulling, being in good athletic condition is strongly recommended before attempting your first bus ride around Rio.
It comes with the territory that when riding a bus in Rio you might have the opportunity to experience one of the city’s most common inconveniences — you might be mugged. Unfortunately, that is a risk you take when riding a bus in any major city. And luckily, in Rio, it’s really not that bad since muggers are only out for the loot (the cameras and expensive looking jewelry that could so easily have been left back at the hotel or your apartment), and they are really not interested in you. But if being on the wrong end of a pickpocket or thief on a bus isn’t your idea of a good time, it can definitely be avoided by not having any of the following in your possession while riding a local bus:
Since you’ll obviously have to carry some cash, the Carioca thing to do is to keep it in two wads in your pocket: one for you and one you for the thieves. Remember! Assault time is NO time for heroics! However, in the event you do happen to suffer one of these inconveniences, just remember to keep your wits about you and remain cool. Besides, it’s a great topic for conversation later over a few chopps or caipirinhas back at your favorite boteco. (Refer to Lesson 9, «Eating Out in Rio.»)
By van
While looking for a taxi or waiting for a bus, there is a good chance that a narrow, top-heavy vehicle spewing exhaust fumes, with someone perilously hanging out the passenger window, will pull up. This is a van [vuhhn]. Although frowned upon by authorities, traveling by van is an excellent bargain for those days when sitting alone in traffic is not what you have in mind. And who knows? Due to its tight quarters, along with a guarda, you might find yourself squeezed next to that special gata or gatão. (Refer to Lesson 16, «Carioca Romance.»)
By motorcycle
Cariocas on wheels tend to come within a hair of altering their existence, especially when the wheels they are negotiating through Rio’s traffic belong to a motorcycle. Therefore, anyone with suicidal tendencies should try their hand at a motorcycle on the streets of this beautiful city. If you fit this description, it is recommended you look for a dirt bike, or any other similar kind of machine, due to the varying degrees of (or lack of) pavement you might encounter. Remember that you will be sharing the road with taxis, buses, and cars, so make sure you are familiar with this entire lesson in order to know what you’re getting into!
The helmet is very popular among Rio bikers, although its use on the head is not. The helmet is often seen attached to the rear seat of the bike — sometimes hanging to the left, sometimes to the right — or is carried on the arm of the rider. Contrary to bikers in other parts of the world who don protective leather gear, the Carioca biker will wear anything from sungas and tangas to business suits and party gowns.
The best thing about a motorcycle in Rio is its utility in rush hour traffic. By squeezing through the sea of motionless cars, or simply riding on the sidewalk, if you ride a motorcycle you are guaranteed to get you to your destination well before any automobile driver.
On foot
In order to appreciate Rio’s natural magnificence and splendor, it is best to leave the wheels aside. Put on those shorts and Havaianas, roll up a few wads of bills and put them in your pocket, and enjoy the city on foot. However, sidewalks are often cracked or broken due to motorists who insist on parking on them, holes are common varying in size and depth, and dog mines are not unusual So a moment of distraction may result in an injury or a curb stop. Just remember to watch your Step at all times (often making sightseeing a bit hard on the neck), and then languish in the glory of Rio.
• buses
• dog mines
• broken bottles
• automobile parts
• motorcycles
• construction sites
• wood with rusty nails
• uncovered pot holes
• sleeping beggars
• Macumbas
• bicycles
• camelôs
• parked cars
• UFOs (Unidentified Falling Objects)
Unless in search of a real adventure, a true Carioca will never walk the streets wearing or earning anything of value. It just isn’t common sense to do so anywhere in the world, unless, of course, your home town is Mountain Iron, Minnesota! But in the event some pivete (young street thief) should take a liking to your imitation diver’s watch, simply smile and pass it over. The camelô you just tripped over should have another one just like it.
Pedestrian X-ings: You may have figured out by now that only animals have less priority than pedestrians when crossing a street in Rio. Remember! The Carioca motorist will make it a personal challenge to see just how close he can get to a pedestrian. If you want to cross a street like a real local, ignore all pedestrian overpasses and crosswalks when reaching a busy street. Just run for your life! And unless you want to be history, it’s not advisable to attempt the «thumbs-up technique» when crossing a busy Rio street. You might end up facedown!