Asking directions
Unfortunately, Rio is not known for its exemplary street signs, and even the truest of Cariocas will admit to occasionally getting lost. If you should find yourself in such a situation, do not become alarmed. Just stop the person closest to you and ask for directions.
Whether it be from your car window, at a bus stop, or on the sidewalk, Cariocas will always stop whatever they are doing to assist you. And you can be sure they will do so in an extremely accommodating and friendly fashion. A hand to the chin, a turn of the head in both directions, and a short pause will precede a lengthy series of intricate instructions on how to reach your destination, often accompanied by several options.
In the rare event that a Carioca is not familiar with the place you are looking for, he will take it upon himself to direct your question to the person standing closest to him, who will consequently ask another person. Soon a small crowd will form, at which time it is best to walk or drive away to try your luck elsewhere to avoid the ensuing chaos.
Carioca department of motor vehicles examination
In order to find out if you would be safe behind the wheel in Rio, try taking the following multiple choice test.
Boa sorte! (Good luck!)
1. Before putting the key in the ignition, you should
• buckle up.
• check your gas gauge.
• turn on the radio.
• do none of the above.
2. If you reach a yellow light and the guy in front of you goes for it, you should
• prepare to stop.
• accelerate and go for it.
• note the car’s license number and make a citizen’s arrest.
3. How many car lengths should you maintain from the car in front of you for optimum safety?
• Five.
• Three.
• Half.
• None of the above.
4. When driving, you should never take your eyes off the road unless
• you see an incredible gata or gatão walking along the beach.
• you are looking for a parking space.
• you see the pivete that took your watch last week.
• None of the above.
• All of the above.
5. If a car has cut you off, you should
• ignore it and let him go.
• cuss him out.
• catch up to him and tailgate as you blink your high beams.
6. Besides the horn, what is the most important part of your car?
• The rearview mirror.
• The door knob.
• The back seat.
• None of the above.
7. Before obtaining a driver’s license, you should
• go to a driving school.
• take out life insurance.
• make out your will.
• do all of the above.
8. When stuck in heavy traffic, you should
• call your wife on your cellular phone to tell her you’ll be late.
• take a deep breath and put in that classical music CD.
• tune in to the news on your radio.
• do none of the above.
9. When you’re speeding or illegally parked in Rio, your chances of getting a ticket are
• one hundred percent.
• fifty percent.
• twenty-five percent.
• none of the above.
10. When someone approaches you while you are stopped at a red light, they are probably going to ask you for
• trocadinho.
• trocadinho.
• trocadinho.
• all of the above.
11. When approaching a red light, you should
• check your watch.
• stop.
• run the light.
• wash your windshield.
Correct Answers to the C.D.M.V. Examination
1. D The first thing you should do when you get in your car is turn off your alarm systems and antitheft devices.
2. В Stop at a yellow light and you will have company in the front seat with you (in other words, the car behind you)!
3. D The only safe distance between you and the car in front of you is the distance behind you once you have passed it.
4. E Of course, you instinctively will look when seeing item A!
5. С Obviously. Be sure to flip him the bird on your way by.
6. E The padlock that locks your steering wheel to your pedals.
7. D Although, due to the red tape in getting one, a real Carioca will just end up buying one!
8. D Drive on the sidewalk while blinking your lights and honking to warn the pedestrians that you are coming through. Then enter the first one-way street, heading in the wrong direction.
9. D Between one and ten percent.
10. D You can bet your tangerines, lemons, lottery tickets, candy bars, air biscuits, and loose change on that!
11. A If you stop and it’s after ten, you might be a sitting duck.
Check your score. Are you a real Carioca on wheels?
• All eleven correct and you are a natural Carioca on wheels. Vamu nessa! You’ll be a Formula One driver in no time.
• If you managed to get six or more right, you’re still a little wet behind the ears. Calma, Betche! (Relax, Betty!) Work on running a few more lights, and soon you’ll be tailgating, too.
• Got only between three and five correct? You’ll be stuck in that traffic jam until the cows come home. Take a few tips from a taxi driver before getting behind the wheel again.
• Anything less and you should take the bus, pal.
Lesson 9
Eating Out in Rio
If you have decided that you are the adventurous type and are really getting into being a Carioca, eating out can definitely be an experience. Rio, the cosmopolitan city it is, offers a wide selection of excellent restaurants, and for special occasions you will find your own way to them. But being a real Carioca means that you will not go to the most expensive, and often the most snobbish, restaurant. You’ll go to the one with the most atmosphere.
The boteco
Teeming with atmosphere, the boteco (Carioca fast-food joint) is a small, stand-up bar with two or three small tables. Also referred to as a botequim, it is not the most hygienic of establishments. Cariocas will frequent at least one on a regular basis where they will get their mandatory cafezinho or have a quick chopp. Sometimes the Carioca will even go to a boteco for a quick snack where he will find a variety of very greasy delicacies to choose from. Among the most popular are: