Your shopping list: The following are a few essential items you will want to pick up in Copacabana or at a local camelô (street vendor). Wear them with a flourish, and you will be well on the road to looking like a true Carioca.
• skin-tight, low-cut jerseys (5)
• plastic watch (1)
• tight shorts (2)
• form-fitting, mid-thigh skirts (3)
• tanga-size, lacy underwear (5)
• kangas (2)
• tangas (5)
• work-out attire (5)
• beach bag (1)
• costume jewelry (lots of it)
• surfer T-shirts (5)
• surfer shorts (3)
• sungas (2)
• jeans, one size too small
• pochete (1)
• Havaianas (1 pair)
• work-out attire (5)
• tennis shoes (1 pair)
• diver’s watch (1 imitation)
• dress shirt (1)
What to wear at the beach: The social area, the beach has a very specific dress code, and it is here the tourist’s wardrobe tends to be a dead giveaway. Arriving completely dressed, the gringo will proceed to remove layers of clothing, only to expose a colorful, oversized swimsuit, offset by translucent white skin. Please resist the temptation to do this. A few days at the local swimming pool can do wonders for that telltale glare. Ready to blend in with the locals? Try adhering to the following guidelines:
Wear as little as possible! The female Carioca arrives at the beach dressed in a Bali kanga rolled around her waist in the form of a skirt, with a T-shirt on top. After carefully selecting a spot on the beach, she skillfully proceeds to engage in an undressing ritual which may take up to four minutes, finally revealing a tiny, skimpy little tanga — thus leaving very little to the imagination. If you are a true Carioca woman, the bottom portion of your tanga should resemble a triangular postage stamp affixed to your tailbone. Opting for the more conservative look — by exposing only ninety percent of your buttocks — is also acceptable. Tugging, pulling, and repositioning these four triangular strips of material is a favorite activity while wearing a Carioca tanga. Note that there are no prerequisites as to shape, weight, or age when wearing a tanga. Don’t be shy. All figures are entitled to bare all.
Made either of straw or plastic, the obligatory beach bag will contain an interesting variety of paraphernalia, all dispensable just in case some rato de praia (beach thief) comes along.
• tanning lotion
• sun glasses
• a couple of hair clips
• a hat
• lip balm
• a wooden comb
• pen and paper
• pocket cash
• the newspaper
Having the appropriate physique or not, Carioca men, young and old, wear Speedo-type bathing suits. Surfer shorts are also acceptable and worn by the surfer crowd, but note that they should be well-fitted and hang at least five finger lengths below the navel. Wearing draw-string shorts in bright colors, you are sure to stand out like a neon sign. An old T-shirt and Havaianas are all you need to arrive at the beach in. Money for cervas and buses can be rolled into the lining of your shorts. Carioca men do not sit on towels. They shake themselves dry after swimming and always sit directly on the sand. Towels are for women, children, and wimps.
Ten months out of the year Rio is hot. And for a couple of those months we’re talking about the «fry-an-egg-on- the-sidewalk» type of hot. Obviously, since the Carioca would much rather be at the beach than at the office, he’ll do his best to ignore this aspect of his life. But for those unavoidable hours when going to the office is on his schedule, the true Carioca will skillfully select the coolest and most comfortable items in his «professional» wardrobe for the trek downtown and back.
It isn’t uncommon for the more creative and spirited executive to keep a parallel work wardrobe at the office. That way, by commuting on his motorcycle or in his air-conditioned car wearing shorts or jeans, tennis shoes, and a T-shirt, he simply arrives early at the office where the transformation to executive takes place behind his desk. By doing this, he avoids the danger of starting the day looking like he has gone a few rounds with the current heavyweight champ. This is the true spirit of a Carioca — comfort above all.
In terms of dress codes, you will soon find that anything goes in this marvelously casual city. When lunch is on the agenda, perhaps the only rule that might be imposed by a Carioca eating establishment (save those restaurants that offer the finest in dining) is no bare feet or chests. Why? Who knows. But it’s OK, ladies. No need to drag a shirt along to the beach. That itty-bitty tanga top will be enthusiastically welcomed!
If by chance you associate a night at the symphony with jewels and cummerbunds, go for it. Pull that tux out of moth balls and those rings out of the safe. Just don’t be surprised if the fellow seated next to you at the symphony hall has opted for the casual look and is comfortably attired in shorts and chinelos.
Since a large portion of time is spent at the beach, the true Carioca takes great care in getting into and keeping in shape. Therefore, at least two hours a day are spent at the local gym malhando [mah’lyan doo] (working out). Seeing as the gym is also a social gathering place, correct attire is a must.
When choosing your Carioca work-out attire, you should start by picking out colors that glow in the dark, preferably pinks, greens, yellows, and turquoises. The better shape you are in, the more you should glow.
To show off those sculptured pecs, the guys will wear tank tops and surfer shorts (no baggy activewear here). For the ladies, an infinite variety of combinations, such as halter tops and colorful, knee-length tights (wedged between the buttocks)— either in a shiny Lycra, or possibly even a see-through lace — will do. Be sure to have at least five variations in your wardrobe, one for each day of the week.
Just as it is at the beach, there is no discrimination as to shape; all figures and sizes are invited to indulge in the latest work-out fashions. So if even the thought of ten sit-ups tires you out, just find the nearest gym, look sexy, and you will fit right in.
Lesson 7
Dealing With Money
Looking good? Great. The next Step is to put some grana [’grruh nuh] (cash) in your purse or pocket.
Until not too long ago, one of the more complicated aspects of everyday life in Rio was, without a doubt, the local currency. And for good reason. Due to an accumulated three-decade inflation rate of one quadrillion percent (that’s right, folks), Brazilian currency changed from the cruzeiro to the cruzado, to the cruzado novo, back to the cruzeiro, to the cruzeiro real, to the URV (a clever stopgap pseudo-currency), and on to the real [hay ’yowl], while dropping a bunch of zeros along the way and adding an array of new bills and coins. If you are mildly confused as to the value of Brazilian bills and coins, you had best pull them all out, lay them on a table, and begin studying. Needless to say, a true Carioca never makes mistakes when dealing with money.