“Hi baby, it’s Alicia. Can you give me a call back? You’ve got my cell number, right? I’ll give it to you just in case… ”
Lindsey stared in the direction of the voice, listening to the woman rattle off a phone number. She got up from the sofa in slow motion, going over to the machine and staring at the blinking red light. Her mother’s message was on there-something about getting together and talking. She knew well enough how to erase them. One click would do it.
But now Alicia’s number was on the machine. Did Zach have it? Probably. Of course, he was nowhere near a phone. And Lindsey knew, if she wrote it down, “just in case,” it would sit like a growing temptation, and she would eventually break down and call it herself. She imagined the conversation that would ensue: “So, how do you know Zach? Is that so? How long did you go out?”
She snarled at the machine and stabbed the erase button, pressing it hard until it beeped. “You have no new messages,” the voice said.
Good. That was better. That, she could live with.
* * * *
The tree fort looked exactly the same.
In some strange, convoluted way, it was the piling up of phone calls, from her mother, Zach, Alicia, that pushed her there, as if the world was turning backwards and she was traveling back in time. She wasn’t wearing her shorts-they were locked up in some cabinet as evidence, awaiting the upcoming trial-but she’d found a bag of her old clothes in the closet when she was going through Zach’s things, and a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and a black tube top had completed her transformation.
She didn’t take Argyle. She didn’t think he could walk so far. Instead, she drove the Camaro and parked it down the street, walking past her mother’s house, trying to ignore the way her belly trembled as she drew nearer. Her stepfather’s car wasn’t there. Neither was her mother’s. The house looked the same, though, the same as it had for years. It was the place she’d grown up, where she had fallen and been picked up by her father, the place she had traveled to the moon and back, until her daddy wasn’t there anymore, and everyone forgot about her after that.
Her mother had forgotten her. Lindsey stood there, hugging her arms over her chest, thinking about Zach. What would she do if he never came home? How broken must her mother have felt after her husband hadn’t returned from the Gulf War where the causalities were so negligible people didn’t even think of it as a war? She shivered, shaking her head, and started walking again. She didn’t want to think about it.
Somehow her feet followed themselves to the tree fort, and she found herself slipping out of her sandals to climb the rough boards up the side, settling herself in the very center. The height had never made her dizzy before, but it did now, and she didn’t want to be too close to the edge. Not anymore. The day had been warm, but it was cooling toward evening now, the air crisp and clean, the leaves rustling softly around her.
She had brief flashes of memory-Brian and Ralph and that other kid, what was his name? She couldn’t remember. So different from the night just a few weeks later, when she’d been beaten, raped, and she knew, if things had gone as far as they’d been ratcheting up to, she might have been dead.
Somehow, up until then, she’d felt like she was the one in control. She liked it rough, she wanted them to use her, she wanted them to… didn’t she? She heard Zach’s voice in her head.
You were saying no along.
Was it true? She didn’t know.
“Hey, look who’s here!”
She gasped and turned at the sound of the familiar voice, seeing him coming up the makeshift ladder, carrying a brown paper bag. “Ralph!”
“I haven’t seen you in ages. Where’ve you been hiding?” He leaned back against the railing, getting comfortable and dropping a wink in her direction.
“Around.” She tried to ignore the hammering of her heart, glancing toward the ladder. “Actually, I’ve got to get going… ”
“Awwww, come on.” He nudged her hip with his tennis shoe. “Stick around. We can have some fun.” Pulling a bottle out of the bag, he uncapped it, taking a long swig of the amber fluid. He offered it to her, but she shook her head.
“Thanks anyway.” Lindsey edged her way across the platform past him. He didn’t make a move toward her, and she was grateful for that. “I’ll leave you to it.”
“Suit yourself.” He shrugged as she swung her legs over the side.
She didn’t answer him, and she willed herself not to hurry as she felt her way down the tree, rung by rung, slow and deliberate. When she reached the bottom, she looked up, and saw him peering over the side at her.
“Maybe some other time,” he said with a grin.
“Bye.” She gave him a quick wave, turning and heading down the path. She couldn’t help looking over her shoulder once to see if he was following, but she didn’t see any sign of him, and she hurried faster toward the car.
* * * *
“Where have you been?” Lindsey pulled the door open, expecting Nate. He had a habit of coming by on Sunday nights, and they’d started walking to the Dairy Queen on the corner. He always got a strawberry sundae, and Lindsey would get a small bowl of “doggie” ice cream for Argyle-they even put a milk bone in it-but she was much more choosy, changing her flavor choice from week to week. “I’m dying for a caramel… ”
She wasn’t expecting Ralph, and it was a nasty jolt to realize he knew where she lived. He followed me, she thought, as he leaned against the doorway and grinned. She could smell the Jack Daniels on his breath. Had he drunk the whole fifth by himself?
“What are you doing here?” The door wouldn’t close. He was too far in already, and Lindsey wished Argyle were out of his little cage-house instead of sound asleep, so she’d have an excuse to shut it immediately.
“I followed you.” Well, at least she’d been right about that. “Nice place.”
“You can’t be here.” She tried to make her voice firm, resolute.
“Oh come on.” Ralph’s grin broadened as he stepped past her into the apartment. Her heart dropped as he stood there, looking around for a moment, and then glanced back at her. “You came out to the tree fort looking for it, and you know it.” Reaching past her, he swung the door closed, stepping close and pressing her against the door’s surface. “I just decided to make a house call.”
She’d come home that evening after her little trip down memory lane-this really was home now-and had taken a long shower. Then she shoved the cutoffs, all her old clothes, back into the plastic bag, tied it up and wrote “Goodwill” in black Sharpie on the side. She was done with it. There was no going back, and even if the future with Zach was uncertain and more than a little scary, it was much more promising than what she’d put herself and everyone else through in the past.
“You don’t know anything.” She tried to reach behind her to the doorknob but he caught her wrist, squeezing hard. “Now, please leave.”
His eyes narrowed. “I know a lot more than you think.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” She couldn’t shake him loose, and now he had her other wrist, both of them pinned behind her back.
“You know were asking for it that night, too,” he sneered. “Just like every other time. Girls like you are all the same.”
She repeated her request, struggling to remain calm. “You need to leave.”
“Not ‘til I get what I came for.” He shoved his thigh between hers, his mouth crushing down, his tongue swirling, making her want to gag, and she did, turning her head, choking. “What happened, baby? You were so hot for it before.”
“No,” she gasped as he transferred his grip on both of her wrists to one hand, using his other to work his belt buckle. “I said no! Get out!”
“I know you don’t mean that,” he crooned, rocking the bulge of his cock through his jeans into her crotch as he loosened his belt. “Come on, baby, you suck it so good… ”