Lukas drove according to Pastor Simon’s directions. They were not going back to the Chapel; instead, they headed upwards, deeper into the forest, to a small lake. Lukas parked the car and followed the pastor down to a bench by the water. He glanced furtively at the pastor. His big, white hair was like an aerial, he had often thought. A kind of angelic aerial that put the pastor in direct contact with God. The sun was in the middle of the blue sky now, shining directly behind the pastor’s head. Lukas’s skin was pricking. His fingers were tingling. He could barely sit still and he was grinning from ear to ear.
‘Can you see the devil in the water?’ the pastor asked, pointing.
Lukas looked across the lake, but he couldn’t see anything. The water was dark and quiet; there was not a ripple on the surface. He could hear the birds chirp in the trees around him. There was no sign of the devil.
‘Where?’ Lukas said, looking even harder.
He did not want to say that he could not see him, that would be stupid. This might be a test to find out if he was ready to be initiated.
‘Out there,’ the pastor said, pointing again.
Lukas could still not see anything. He did not want to lie or to say no. So he tried his hardest. He stared and he stared, he narrowed his eyes in the hope that the devil would appear, but nothing happened.
‘You don’t see him, do you?’ the pastor said at length.
‘No,’ Lukas said, and hung his head in shame.
‘Would you like to see him?’
Lukas had half expected to be told off for not looking hard enough; the pastor could be like that sometimes, towards people who were not close enough to God, but he didn’t get angry. He simply continued.
‘I believe you, Lukas,’ the pastor said in his warm, mild voice. ‘But we can’t take anyone with us who can’t see the devil, because if you can’t see the devil, you can’t see God either.’
Lukas bowed his head even further and nodded silently.
‘You want to come to Heaven, don’t you?’
‘Yes, of course,’ Lukas mumbled.
‘Would you like me to show you?’ The pastor smiled.
‘Show me?’
‘The devil.’ He smiled again.
Lukas felt happy and a little scared at the same time. Of course he wanted the pastor to show him, to help him see, but then again, he had heard a great deal about the devil and he was not sure that he was ready to face him.
‘Take off your clothes and step out into the water,’ the pastor ordered him.
Lukas was taken aback. It was not a warm day. It was almost spring, there were pretty green leaves on the trees around them, but the air was still quite chilly. The water was bound to be terribly cold.
‘Well?’ the pastor said with a frown.
Lukas rose slowly and started to undress. Soon, he stood naked in front of the pastor. His skinny, white body shivered in the cool air. The pastor watched him for a long time without saying anything. Sized him up from head to toe. Lukas felt a strong urge to cover himself up, he felt really uncomfortable, but he believed that this must be a part of the initiation. He had to go through this stage to reach a higher level, and for that he would just have to endure a bit of discomfort.
‘Now go into the water,’ Pastor Simon said, and gestured.
Lukas nodded and walked down to the water’s edge. He dipped one toe into it, but quickly withdrew it. The water was freezing. A big bird took off from a tree and flew up towards the clouds. Lukas hugged himself and wished that he, too, could fly. Then he would fly straight up to God and stay there for ever. Not that he didn’t want to be on the Ark. Of course he wanted to be on the Ark – after all, they were God’s chosen people on Earth – but had he been able to fly, he would not have needed to do things like this in order to be included. He looked up at the pastor, who sat like a pillar of salt on the bench. Lukas steeled himself and stepped into the icy water. It hurt. It was like standing in ice cubes. He wanted to ask the pastor how far out he had to go, but the pastor said nothing. He had risen from the bench now and come down to the water’s edge; he was only a few metres away, still with the sun like a halo around his big, white hair.
‘Can you see the devil?’ the pastor asked him again.
‘N-n-n-o-o-o,’ Lukas stuttered.
He forced himself to go further in, felt the icy water against the part of his body he was not supposed to talk about, took another step so that the water reached up to his waist.
‘Can you see him now?’ the pastor said.
The voice was no longer as gentle as it had been earlier; it was colder now, icy like the water. Lukas could barely feel his body; it seemed to be disappearing. Lukas bowed his head and shook it. He felt utterly useless. He could not see the devil. He saw nothing. Perhaps he didn’t deserve to go to Heaven, after all? Perhaps he would have to stay in this world with all the whores, the thieves, and burn slowly so that his flesh would be scorched and fall off his bones, while the others went up to God’s eternal kingdom?
Suddenly, the pastor moved; he leapt into the water with great bounds, and Lukas felt a cold, hard hand on his neck. He tried to resist, but the Ppstor was too strong. The pastor pressed down his head, and he was submerged. His head was underwater and he could not breathe. Lukas panicked and flailed his arms about. He had to get some air. But the pastor did not release his grip. He forced Lukas even deeper down.
‘Can you see the devil!’ he heard the pastor shouting from above.
Lukas opened his eyes, and his body grew completely limp. He was going to die now. That was how it felt. It was his time to die. This was why the pastor had brought him out into the forest. To this lake. Not to be initiated, but to die. Lukas made a final attempt to free himself from the pastor’s grip, but he didn’t stand a chance. The pastor seemed almost possessed. His hand was no longer human; it was heavy, like an iron claw. Lukas’s eyes started to mist over. His lungs were screaming for air, but he couldn’t shake off the grip. He was submerged in water. He had been robbed of all power to make decisions about his own life. To move. To grieve. The water no longer felt cold. It was warm now. His body felt warmer. A little further away, he watched his fingers twitch. The pastor kept shouting, but Lukas could no longer hear him. He had no idea how long he had been under, because time was no longer time, it was just eternity. He was going to die now, it was his time to die. There was no point in fighting it.